The rest of that day, Xian had been barely able to maintain the appearance of a well-mannered Semetran, too wound up with nerves and dread.

  He had actually said he would assist Lamaj and the Rathanians in the war. He was actually contemplating high treason.

  Those thoughts haunted Xian through the day, and his dread only grew as the sun began to set. Once night was fully dark, Lamaj would come to him. And Xian had to accept the fact he could never deny the prince anything. If Lamaj came to him, Xian would tell him everything he needed to know.

  If Lamaj came to him, Xian would be completely and utterly lost to the madness.

  He only had a little bit of time left.

  It turned Xian's stomach, thinking about the punishment Tanjoshi would surely give him in the next life for his treachery.

  And A-die.

  It was like jumping into the ice cold waters of Lake Xinyue. No, he could not give up on A-die. Xian's soul may be corrupted beyond redemption, but perhaps he could make one last effort to ease the dishonor Xian would bring to his A-die's spirit.

  Xian quickly strode to the desk in his room, grabbing the paper and a brush. He dipped his brush in the ink and began to write.

  And Xian wrote. And wrote. And wrote. He wrote about Lamaj's shapeshifting, he wrote about the emotional state of Lamaj's family, he wrote about the strange secret names the queens called each other, he wrote about everything he had ever learned while in Traverse. Every secret Lamaj had ever told him.

  When Xian stepped back from the drying papers, his chest squeezed once more. He didn't know if any of that information would be useful, but he knew now that he had no idea what was actually useful information. Perhaps his betters would know how to use the information.

  The next order of business was to take the blanket off of his bed, and lay it on the floor. The least he could do was make sure everything would be easy to clean up afterward. With the blanket laid out, Xian gathered his confessions and set them on the blanket. The last thing he grabbed from his bag was a dagger.

  It wasn't until Xian was kneeling in the center of the blanket that he realized how shallow his breathing had become. This was the only way he could possibly escape the madness with any sort of honor. The only way he could atone for his treason.

  Xian's fist gripped the dagger tightly. He knew how to do it, he'd watched it before.

  Had A-die been afraid, when he had to atone for almost allowing the Emperor to die?

  He had been, Xian realized. He had been crying when he spoke to Xian for the last time.

  "I'm trying, A-die," Xian whispered to nothingness, "But it's so hard."

  Xian knew the motions, and if he did it quick enough, the pain wouldn't linger. One last duty to Semetra. But he could not raise his arm.

  Instead, Xian was left staring at his confession papers spread out before him. So many tiny secrets told to him by Lamaj as they shared the same breath, so many dazzling stories told while basking in his glow.

  Secrets and stories told to him. Not to the Emperor, or Akita, or Semetra. They had been told to Xian, they were Xian's secrets now. If he gave them to Semetra, what wretched thing would be done to pervert those lovely little secrets?

  Xian dropped the dagger, his body sagging as if the strings holding him up had been cut.

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  "I can't..." he realized. The madness had already gotten to him.

  But why didn't it feel like Xian had lost his mind? If anything...Xian felt tired.

  It wasn't until Xian watched the candle in his room slowly consume each page of his confession that he realized tears had been flowing steadily down his cheeks.

  "I'm so sorry, A-die. I tried," Xian whispered, "Please forgive me..."

  Despite the fact that Xian was utterly sure he had lost his mind, the next few days passed without much incident. He and Lamaj would meet at night to discuss what Xian knew, and during the day, Xian would continue his ruse of being a diplomat. The only difference now was the fact Xian was actively lying to Akita.

  "The prince has been distracted with preparations for war, he has not sought me out."

  The fact Lamaj kept to his oath of not touching Xian had worked in his favor, as Xian could show Akita the fading marks on his body, and the absence of new ones, as proof to the lack of meetups.

  By the time the Semetran delegation had left Rathania, Xian had taken a bit of pleasure out of lying to the man who was his biggest tormentor.

  But even the calm brought by the absence of Akita and the other Semetrans was short-lived. All too soon, Lamaj had grabbed Xian by his arm, leading him to the central tower.

  "Come on, we're having a meeting." Lamaj grinned at Xian's bemused expression.

  "Are we not already meeting now?" Xian asked.

  Lamaj shook his head, "Not 'we' as in 'you and me.' We're meeting with the others."

  The 'others' that Lamaj was talking about turned out to be nearly every Rathanian prince and princess, not to mention King Naes and Princess Samiya. Xian froze the instant Lamaj had led him into the room. What was Lamaj thinking? Xian was someone who worked in the shadows, he was never supposed to be known by royalty, Lamaj was more than enough!

  If Lamaj could sense his discomfort, he made no show of it. "Guys, this is Xian! He has some good information, so be nice, okay?" He gave Xian's hand a squeeze before letting go, "I need to go get Retniw, be right back!"

  Panic seized Xian as Lamaj made his exit. What was he ? He left him all alone with a room full of royalty, royalty who had no idea who he was, and whose country was on tenuous terms with Rathania.

  But before Xian could get too lost in his own thoughts, King Naes had already crossed the room to meet Xian.

  The man was tall. Taller than Xian, and Xian was considered taller than the average Semetran man. It was all the more intimidating having to look up at the man who had the power to destroy him if he so much as blinked in a way he didn't like.

  "It's nice to finally meet you, Xian," The King of Fire said, his voice gentle, but not as weary as Xian had heard him first speak all those weeks ago, "I'll admit, I was wondering when Lamaj was going to finally introduce you to the family."

  was Lamaj ? How much about Xian had he reported back to the king?

  , something dark and ugly whispered in the back of his mind,

  There was a twitch in King Naes's expression, but Xian couldn't place it. Instead, he bowed his head, "It's an honor to meet you, your Majesty."

  "None of that, please," The King of Fire's tanned skin gained a rosy hue, "It's just Naes when we're among friends and family."

  Friends and family? But Xian was neither, he was a complete stranger, whose only connection had waltzed out the door without a second thought.

  The king gave Xian a smile, resting a hand on his shoulder, "Lamaj wouldn't have introduced you to us if he didn't think you belonged here with us," He chuckled, "I know we can come off as a bit...much. But I'm sure you'll fit in just fine."

  "What his majesty means is that the chance to escape is long gone, and that you're stuck with them." From over King Naes's shoulder, Xian could see Princess Samiya, arms crossed over her chest. "Trust me, they get attached quickly and don't like letting go."

  "Odd, I don't recall it being my brother who struggled with letting go yesterday in the music room," Xian's gaze moved from Princess Samiya to the couch, where Princess Nevaeh of the Throne of Water sat, worrying the hem of her skirt between her hands, but obviously not stressed enough if she was able to make quips like that.

  Samiya shrugged, "I never said anything about it not being enjoyable." She gave Xian a wink, "Welcome to the club, Xian."

  Xian could only stare. Did Princess Samiya imply that they were alike, just because they both held a Rathanian Prince's attention? Their situations couldn't be more different, Xian couldn't be more different from everyone else in this room. They were all royalty, and he was--

  The hand on his shoulder gave a slight squeeze. Xian's gaze immediately darted back to the king who still saw fit to touch him.

  "Hey," Naes's voice was gentle, and Xian was struck by just how much he missed Lamaj's voice, "You belong here. Even if the timing isn't perfect, we'll have plenty of time to get to know one another and help you feel comfortable."

  Why was he comforting him? Didn't Lamaj already inform the king that he had successfully turned Xian's allegiance? There was no more need for gentle coaxing.

  "Naes, I highly doubt this is the right time for a heart-to-heart," When Xian turned his attention from the hand on his shoulder to the new speaker, he was confronted with the fact that she was a complete stranger to him. The white haired woman had been spotted around the castle a couple of times, usually with King Naes or the dowager king consort, but Xian could find no intelligence into the woman's identity. If Xian hadn't been as informed about the royal family, King Naes especially, he might make the assumption she was a mistress of some sort.

  He wasn't that foolish.

  From her seat, Princess Calil of the Throne of Earth nodded, "Dantia's right. I'm sure Lamaj will be back with Retniw any second now, and we won't have much time."

  Xian nodded slightly. Grateful as he was for the topic of conversation no longer being him, he couldn't shake the feeling of dread that anticipated just what might lay in store for him once Lamaj returned with Prince Retniw.