Translator’s Notes
While I was myself in Pelsa, in the two years before the university figured out how to send me back to this realm (where I was unfortunately forced back into grad school), I was employed for a few months by the Keley Kronicle. During my employment there, I was able to find a few copies in the archives of the news reports from the time shortly after the liberation of Keley by the forces of Pelsa under the command of Count Rassler. I include these here as I felt they may be of interest to the readers in this realm, who may not be as familiar with the history of Pelsa and its accidental take-over of parts of Vathary.
Note that to say “newspaper” is a bit of an anachronism. Both Pelsa and Vathary did have the printing press. However, printing was very time-consuming and the new-fangled “paper” was expensive.
(Well, in Pelsa they tended more to parchment than to paper, as the animate trees got a bit spicy with humanoids if they were offered something written on paper.)
In both countries, though, there were groups producing something like a newspaper. Every couple of days, they would print a number of pages with as many stories as they could fit on a sheet of paper or parchment, and distribute it to certain wealthy patrons, a few taverns that paid for the privilege, and then post a few copies on the information boards in the main town squares. Keley also had a town crier that would scream the headlines as he walked about the city.
So here are some selected articles from the humans’ newspaper, from the days just before and after the battle of the Vatharians against the Pelsan army.
From an article printed on the 27th day of the month of Pehuson, 1588 – Three days before the Great Battle of Pelsa.
Our Vatharian Soldiers on the March to Vanquish the Evil Orcs
The people of our fair city of Keley will notice that many of our city guard have recently departed. They join the truly awesome force led personally by our great King Neydon.
We had thought our neighbors to the north to be peaceful, but it turns out that they are bloodthirsty monsters controlled by a barbarian dark wizard orc ruler and his evil elf witch queen. The army is going to punish these monsters both for being generally evil and for sheltering the traitor Count Rassler.
The king is known to be a military genius, and he is joined by capable generals and knights of great fame, including Sir Bowen. The mighty Sir Bowen is famous for having just recently fought his way out of Pelsa, after being ambushed while on a diplomatic mission.
Our king’s Counselor Dravon has tried multiple times to negotiate an arrangement with the orcs for the return of Traitor Rassler, but to no avail. He reports that the orcs are simply evil, and not all that smart, so any attempt to reason with them is futile. They just turn any Vatharian who goes to talk with them into sandwiches, and/or sacrifice them to their evil gods.
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From an article printed on the 2rd day of the month of Admi, of the year 1588 , the day of The Great Battle of Pelsa
Vatharian Army Destroyed, We May All Be In Real Trouble
The brave King Neydon led the Vatharian army to attempt to subdue the orcs and goblins of Pelsa, but all reports indicate that our brave army was destroyed this morning, with half the men taken prisoner, and all the navy ships sunk. The remainder of the land forces have either been killed or are scattered and in retreat. Certainly we have seen fleeing companies of soldiers on the roads, but few have stopped in Keley itself.
That these brave men continue to run further into Vathary to escape from the orc horde shows that we have no protection here, and I urge our readers to join them and flee, before you become a serving in an orc feast.
Our king's current whereabouts are unknown. We had reports from one farmer that the king and a company of Vatharian cavalry were spotted galloping through the hills of Flai Drary, heading toward Carstones, attempting to evade the marauding orcs. We can only pray to Jipater that our king is safe and can rally his forces before all of Vathary falls to the monsters.
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This article was the entirety of the newspaper printed on the 3rd day of the month of Admi, of the year 1588 , the day after The Great Battle of Pelsa
Run For Your Lives!
This evening, the traitor Count Rassler invaded the fair city of Keley with over five hundred goblins and orcs mounted on ferocious wolves! They are securing the city as we write this. It seems the few guards we had remaining just let them in, and some of the traitors even joined them.
The monsters are going to eat us all! We are going to be fricasseed. Those who are not eaten will be put to work in the mines for the glory of their evil wizard rulers. Run! Escape people of Keley from certain death!
I write this from the sewers under our offices, where the Kronicle staff members are hiding. We are soaking wet and covered in filth, but that is better than being the victim of the man-eating orcs and their horrible goblin helpers. We will attempt a group escape later this evening. If we do not print again, you will know that we have been killed. Do not let our death be in vain!
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The entire newspaper printed on the 4th day of the month of Admi, of the year 1588 , two days after The Great Battle of Pelsa
Orcs Actually Pretty Chill, Well-Dressed
Everything others have told you about orcs was wrong. Instead of savage beasts that eat humans, the orcs are well-cultured, stylish, and hardly ever eat humans.
In fact, now that our March of Flai Drary and our fair city of Keley have become part of the Kingdom of Pelsa, we are now citizens and it is illegal for the orcs or any of the other Pelsans to eat us. This is a revelation from the lovely dragon, Lady Scarlett, who noticed us when we were attempting to leave the city and kindly helped us back to our office and told us to get writing again and asked about prices for placing advertisements for her luxury scarf company.
We, for one, are excited about our new orc liberators! Yay orcs! And dragons too. They are also great. We understand that both the giant wolves and the normal-sized wolves like tummy-rubs, so we encourage the good people of Keley to give many tummy-rubs to our new wolf friends.
In a discussion outside of our office today, Princess Myla and Lady Scarlett announced that the serfs are now freed. Count Rassler was also in attendance at the announcement. Serfs are no longer bound to the land, but can travel and get other jobs. Rassler also announced that he has, completely of his own volition, lowered the rents on his own lands.
Count Rassler also cleared up the accusations of treachery that had been levelled against him. As our good Count Rassler explained to us, the false accusations had been made by the evil Counselor Dravon, who was in reality one of the unusually evil Cat-Sith in disguise! He went on to say that now that the Cat-Sith are gone, the orcs and humans can be friends again.
Now a Word From Our New Sponsor: Scarves For All Creatures!
Scarves are not just for orcs and dragons. Humans need scarves too! Our new boutique will be opening next week. But come see our display tomorrow at Riverside Square and see the new fall line! All the cool humans will be wearing scarves!
SFAC! SFAC! SFAC!
Interview with Princess Myla and Lady Scarlett
While they were outside our office, after we negotiated the new sponsorship agreement, the fair Princess Myla and the stylish red dragon Lady Scarlett agreed to be interviewed.
Here is the transcript of the interview:
Our reporter, Elinor Cecil: So, Your Highness, Princess Myla, and Lady Scarlett, should we humans here in Keley be worried about Pelsans being our new rulers? Will you put us all to work in the mines for the glory of your King Jend?
Princess Myla: Oh, don’t worry! It will be fine. You will hardly notice we are here. Orcs and humans are really about the same. And Pelsa is doing well so we may lower taxes or something. Maybe we’ll give out free puppies.
Lady Scarlett: You could also consider buying our scarves and joining in the worship of Hista.
Princess Myla: I think you call the goddess “Hestia” here, but she is really the same goddess.
Lady Scarlett: Yes, probably. But in Pelsa, our cult of Hista is more fun. She is not just the goddess of the hearth and dawn, but also the goddess who gives us good fashion sense and keeps the world warm and looking sexy! Our cult practices are much more fun than reciting poetry and burning incense in dusty old buildings like you humanoids usually do!
Elinor Cencil: So you'd like us humans to join your cult?
Lady Scarlett: Yes, and you will like it. The cult is a lot of fun and has great parties and music. Not everybody needs to join. Only if you like having a great time and looking good!
Elinor Cencil: I hope you don’t consider this question rude, but it is one that my editor just passed me, which is evidently of great concern here: Are you certain that you don't eat humans?
Lady Scarlett: Oh, no. Never! Unless the human is rude. Or we are in battle. But the people of Keley have nothing to worry about. I won’t eat potential customers – I mean, that would just be silly.
I mean, when I see humans wearing our scarves, I think “What a stylish customer! We can sell them more accessories.” So I would never eat a human who was wearing an SFAC scarf!
