Princess Wyndy's Human Friends
Translated from the High Goblin by C. Comstock.
Based on the original text by Dame Dyra Kayleth and Professor Lash Grdkr
Translator’s Notes
This is the English translation of the second of the sagas written by Kayleth and Grdkr covering the period after The Great Battle of Pelsa that occurred in the summer of 1588.
The Pelsan forces had been organized by the mighty orc warrior, King Jend and his elven wife Queen Aida. Due to King Jend being poisoned by his breakfast, the Pelsan side was led into battle by their daughters Princess Wyndyn and Princess Myla. Meanwhile Queen Aida saved Jend and then fell asleep out of exhaustion.
The human army from the Kingdom of Vatharay was stunningly defeated. Many of the Vatharians were captured, having been enthralled by the enchanted music of the Pelsan High Priestess, whose band gave a concert that took the entire Vatharian right flank out of the battle. Both humans and orcs still speak of what a great performance it was.
In the ensuing chaos of the disorganized and rapid retreat of the non-captured parts of the Vatharian army, units of the Pelsan forces systematically harassed the Vatharians to speed them on their way. One of these Pelsan units was a wolf cavalry column commanded by the former Vatharian noble, Count Rassler, who was serving as an officer in the Pelsan army. This Count Rassler and his cavalry unit reached the city of Keley, the main city of Count Rassler’s former fiefdom. With the assistance of Princess Myla and her dragon mount and companion, Lady Scarlett, the Pelsan forces captured the city and indeed the entire March of Flai Drary. They faced little resistance.
Princess Myla claims to this day that it was an accident.
Chapter 1: Explaining the After-Battle to Her Father
“Yes, Your Highness. We will load them right away, Your Highness."
Jend couldn't make it out. He was “Your Highness” and the one who gave the orders, so it must be that they were talking with him.
But he kept hearing his daughter Wyndy’s voice giving orders, as he was lifted on a pallet into the back of a wagon. His wife was still asleep on his chest, snoring softly. He patted her on her head and held her more tightly as the wagon began moving.
He knew he should get up and lead, but he couldn't quite wake up. Small glimpses of consciousness were all he could manage. The wagon passed through the forest and approached his castle as his awareness blinked in and out.
What had happened? He could remember being mounted on his dragon, leading the formation into battle as the trebuchets fired below. They'd enjoyed almost complete surprise. He had chuckled as he saw the Vatharian army in complete disarray, their catapults in flames and their infantry still in their tents as destruction rained down upon them.
Then, he had felt a pain in his stomach, as all his limbs seized. The last thing he could remember was the dragon turning back to where their reserves were stationed, behind the artillery.
Now he was waking up, in his room in his castle.
- - - -
“What happened to me?” he asked. His vision was still blurry, but he could see that his daughter, Wyndy, had entered the room and was walking towards him.
“We still aren't entirely sure. It may have been poison, or it may have been that you had a Full Vatharian Breakfast. Our soldiers currently occupying the Vatharian lands report that the Full Vatharian Breakfast often leads to lethargy.”
“Or maybe both?” asked King Jend. “I feel like I was hit by both.”
“Oh my gods, yes!” said Princess Wyndy. “That would be completely diabolical. If a person were to deliver poison via a Full Vatharian Breakfast, the Breakfast would multiply the sedative effects of the poison. I mean, a Full Vatharian Breakfast just on its own can put a large man to sleep, so combined with a deadly poison, I mean, wow, it is a miracle that you survived!”
“Yes, your mother is a really good healer. She can counteract even the effects of a very large human breakfast. Or poison too. It is probably due to her skill that I am still alive,” said the large orc king.
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“... hmmm… yes … don't forget that … I will remind you later….” said the small elven queen, talking in her sleep between her snores.
“I'm sure she will,” said their daughter Wyndy. “But Father, we have much news! There is a lot I need to tell you about.”
“How serious is it?”
“Don't. We won the battle and our enemies were driven before us,” Wyndy said. Jend's mood improved. Slightly.
“That is one of the best things in life, yes. So all the Vatharians have been pushed back over their border,” the large orc king said as he began to sit up. His wife rolled over and continued sleeping.
“We didn't even have to push all that hard. First there were the trebuchets throwing the humans into chaos! Then they ran as quickly as they could after our cavalry charge, and the kraken destroyed their navy, and then our Air Force attacked, and the F-Bombs flew, and then I did a lightning storm, and oh but did those humans run, other than the ones that were dancing, but we disarmed those, and…”
“Okay, I get it. I get it. Well done. Are there any Vatharians soldiers still in Pelsa?” he asked.
“Oh, no. Well, except for the all ones we captured. Those remain. So a lot remain. It's a bit of a problem, as we took over twenty thousand prisoners. Our strategic dance capabilities were on point, and the sea elves saved their navy men after their ships were destroyed and handed them to us, and it is really a …’
“A lot of humans to feed,” said Jend, continuing his daughter's sentence. “Twenty thousand humans! For the love of all the gods. So much weird human food to prepare. At least we won't need any spices. And so many humans to guard. We need to send them back as soon as possible.”
“Exactly what we are thinking!” said Wyndy. “We are working to figure out which of the soldiers were serfs. We are sending those back first, with their weapons. and then...”
“With their weapons? We generally don't free enemy prisoners with their weapons. And usually we get a concession or ransom,” explained the king.
“Yes, yes, as you have taught us, father. But in this case we really can't feed them all. And, we were thinking, if we free the ones who are serfs, and the serfs have their weapons, and the ones who are are nobles and knights we keep here for a while, and the serfs go back…”
“Ah, right,” Jend said, thinking through the implications. His daughter was more devious than he’d thought. He should keep a closer eye on her.
Her Devious Highness continued. “So, we were thinking that could be interesting, and maybe would keep Vathary busy a while, and lead to enough issues …”
“That they will forget why they were attacking us, as they are going to spend the next five years dealing with thousands of armed serfs,” said Jend, continuing his daughter's sentence.
“And we hate serfdom anyway, right? I mean, if Vathary were free, and people could choose if they went to war, there would be a lot less war. Especially with us. So it is a win-win.”
“Right, yes, I see. Make it happen, Wyndy,” commanded the king.
“Already in process. But that is not the main thing I needed to tell you about,” said his daughter.
“What? There is something more? By the gods, what could be bigger? Did something happen? And where is your sister?” Jend said.
“My sister, yes. And Scarlett, and Spike. You see, that is the thing. It looks like they may have just conquered the north-eastern part of Vathary. You know the March of Flai Drary?” she asked.
“Of course I know Flai Drary. It is just over our border. How did they conquer it, and where is Rassler?” King Jend was standing up now, looking for his coat and vest. He is knocked out for a short while, and he daughters think they can go conquering neighboring lands. Also, he was hungry. He really needed to get dressed.
“Well, Myla says it wasn't her fault, that it was an accident,” explained Wyndy.
“You don't accidentally conquer large parts of neighboring countries!” King Jend replied. “That is not how military conquest works!” He was fairly sure about it. He had done a fair bit of conquering, none of which was accidental.
“I know, right?” said Wyndy. “It sounded a bit suspect to me too. But that is what Myla said happened.”
“Military conquest takes a lot of work,” the king began. “You need to plan carefully, choose the point of vulnerability of your enemy, mass an army, keep it supplied…”
“Yeah, exactly, yes,” agreed Wyndy. “But Myla and Scarlett were looking for Rassler and his company...”
“We put Rassler in charge of a cavalry column, if I remember correctly?”
Wyndy nodded. “Yes, that was the thing! So Rassler had this large cavalry column with the standard orcs, goblins, buggebears and wolves, and they were approaching Keley, Rassler's former city, and they were about to try to conquer it, and then Myla and Scarlett spotted them….”
“And told them to stop and return to Pelsa, correct?” asked the large orc king, rather optimistically, as if hadn’t already known the answer.
“No, they did the opposite of that! They joined in, and conquered Keley. Or they say they ‘liberated’ it. The city didn't put up any resistance, as it didn't have many guards there, and the ones that were there were friendly with us because I spared them before.”
“My gods. What in the hells are we going to do with the City of Keley?” asked King Jend, sitting back down again.
“Well, really the whole March of Flai Drary. I understand they have now liberated the whole area, and the Vatharian soldiers have fled further into the unliberated parts of Vathary,” explained his daughter.
“Unliberated?” asked Jend, as he gave his daughter his sternest look.
“Well, I mean, like the normal parts of Vathary. The ones that are still Vathary.” answered Princess Wyndy.
“And part of Vathary they will remain, correct, my daughter?” asked the orc king.
“Yes, yes. Of course. We were not thinking of conquering even more. Despite Sir Bowen's lands and town being right next door to Flai Drary, and currently pretty much unguarded. And Sir Bowen did lead the first invasion against us, and then commanded Vatharians when they charged against us, and he is our prisoner and…”
“No. Absolutely not. No more conquering, young lady! You two have conquered quite enough!” The king checked and made sure his wife was comfortable among her many pillows without him. He knew he had slept too long, and needed to get going right away.
“It wasn't my fault! And I was not at all thinking of conquering anything else, I assure you father!” said Wyndy, completely innocently.
“I need to get something to eat, and then I will see what is going on here!” said Jend as he headed toward the kitchens. It didn't register with him that the last sentence his daughter had said had been in the past tense.
