This is weird. I’m not used to this. None of this feels familiar to me, or even remotely me-like. It isn’t necessary to say, but I’ve never had that well-formed of an identity. Being completely reconstructed out of Biologist’s flesh didn’t help much, either. But even then, despite being a stranger to my own body, I was behaving like myself. I was saying the same things I always said, and thinking the things I always did.

  But I haven’t been doing the things I always do.

  I’ve been doing things much differently lately. It wasn’t really by choice, though. Rather, it’s like my decisions are being made for me. I’m just here to see them out to the end. There isn’t any reason for me to tinker with my electronics anymore. They fulfilled their purpose, as a sort of human trans-mogrifier, or something weird like that. They’re done. That was kinda my thing, though. I thought about other things I could have, like maybe painting, or building model-kits, or getting really into Jazz Fusion. None of those things have happened, because apparently, my new thing is bossing demons around.

  It hasn’t been like this for long. I just started noticing them out of the corner of my eye, or scurrying along the shadows on the floor. I couldn’t even pretend to worry that perhaps they were just mice, or some sort of rational infestation. It was plainly obvious that this was an irrational event happening in my irrational life. These things were like imps, or maybe whelps. I don’t know the difference, I never thought I’d need to.

  Just now I was holding one up by its thin, wispy tail. It was an ashy gray color, and its wings were so thin they were practically translucent. It was similar to a bat in shape, but its head with protruding horns clearly proved it to be something different. I’d long lost the sense of wonder or mystique about my home being filled with mythical creatures. I was just irritable now.

  “What do you want? I’m trying to watch TV,” I said to the small devil I was dangling about a foot from my face.

  “SIMPLY PURIFYING THE SPACE, M’LORD. YOU DESERVE THE BEST, SO I HAVE BEEN SPREADING THE ASHES OF GOATS UPON THE OPEN SURFACES—”

  I saw the dust smeared all over my linoleum countertops. And in the sink. And all over the floor, which Leo was happily rolling around in.

  “Goddamn it, you don’t— That’s not what… Ugh.”

  I tossed the imp aside, and it haphazardly flew away from me before vanishing out of existence. They could do that, sort of come-and-go from the material world as they please.

  “Leo, please stop playing with the sacrificial ashes. I don’t know where that dead goat’s been.”

  I picked up my favorite little fluffball, and dusted him clean. His grey fur was the exact color as the ashes, so I just kinda rubbed all over him until the dust stopped poof-ing off. Suddenly, he wriggled his way out of my hands, jumping down to the ground by my feet. He was pawing at something around my ankle.

  This time, it was an even smaller demon. This one was only about as big as a baseball, and it was cowering behind my foot, trying to hide from Leo.

  “P-PLEASE, M’LORD, THE FELINE! IT’S TRYING TO EAT ME!”

  “Then just go away. Vanish back into the spirit world.”

  “NO, NEVER! NOT EVER WILL I GIVE UP! I PROMISED, I WOULD FORCE MY WAY THROUGH, TO LIVE THROUGH THE AGONIZING TRIALS, TO BECOME THE STRONGEST DEMON, FIT TO ACCOMPANY M’LORD THROUGH—”

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  And then it started screaming and running around because Leo finally got to it. I didn’t feel like intervening, so I slumped back onto the couch. I tried texting Rose again.

  “Hey, these things are really getting on my nerves. Are you absolutely, positively certain you don’t know any kind of magic to get rid of these things, oh holy one?”

  Like usual, it only took her a few seconds to reply.

  Like usual, it wasn’t very helpful.

  “Isn’t it in bad taste to refer to me as ‘holy’? I mean, you’re the big evil demon king now, that would put us on opposite teams! I’ve been on your side this whole time, remember? God, please remember, I don’t wanna end up as demon food!”

  She didn’t even answer the question this time.

  “Okay, then as the big evil demon king, I demand you help me get rid of these things, or else!”

  Much to my surprise, she and Bunny actually showed up to my house half an hour later. They were let in by a pair of four-armed imps who had taken it upon themselves to guard my front door. But they couldn’t have been very good guards if they let Rose inside unquestioned…

  I had described the “pests” I was dealing with over text to her, but this is the first time she had actually seen them. I tried to take pictures of them, but cameras don’t work, she told me. They only allow themselves to be visible to those they want to be visible to. It sounds like she knows a lot, for someone who’s been so unwilling to help.

  “Wow, such a rude host. Not even going to introduce me to your other guests?” Rose questioned with a characteristically wide grin.

  “Why is there dust?” Bunny asked. She was already examining the place in detail. Since she half-lived here, I guess the state of the place concerned her too.

  “Goat ashes. They won’t stop throwing them everywhere.”

  Bunny made a face in response. Not much of one, since she rarely moves her facial muscles, but I’ve been around her enough to know. She always had a distaste for bad things happening to animals.

  While I was preoccupied with Bunny, Rose got my attention my getting up close to my face, and then pulling my left eyelid back to get a deep look at my eye. After I reflexively recoiled, she nodded her head.

  “You’ve still got goat skulls in there.”

  That’s right, I pretty much forgot. There were freaky looking skulls in my eyes, ever since Rose did… whatever it was she did to me.

  “But shouldn’t they have gone away? I’m using Biologist’s body right now. Her eyes were fine.”

  “Right, but demon logic isn’t bound to material circumstances. Despite being in a totally different body, cell-for-cell, you still exist as the being known as ‘Mina’. Choronzon is bound to you, even escaping into another body won’t fix that.”

  Somehow, that felt foreboding.

  And it seemed that feeling spread throughout the room, as a wave of imps appeared and began to fidget restlessly. The sight caught Bunny by surprise, prompting her to get close. Rose seemed fine with it… she was used to weird shit.

  I could hear them laughing in a hushed tone, like they were celebrating. Or more specifically, in anticipation of a celebration to come.

  “SOON, SOON!” one chanted.

  “WE ARE IN THE PRESENCE OF GREATNESS!”

  “They’re not talking about you, bozo,” I quipped to Rose after she started looking a little proud.

  “I don’t know what these guys want with me. They’re friendly, which is definitely welcomed after all the other weird things around me lately. But I can’t handle this forever. I just want to give them whatever it is they’re here for, so they’ll leave me alone.”

  “I’ve already picked up what’s going on. It was a little unclear before, but now that I can actually see them, I understand.”

  “Oh, thank God.”

  “Don’t thank Him. And don’t thank me, either, because things are about to get a lot more annoying before they get better.”

  I felt my heart sink into my stomach.

  Emerson, Lake and Palmer - Pirates