A coronation.

  A sacred rite in which a ruler is crowned.

  Surrounded by thousands of onlookers, the scene stuffed with regalia and holy paraphernalia.

  That was going to be me, soon. When the demons crown me as the new Choronzon.

  If you need a refresher, Choronzon is a high-ranking demon that rules over all things cryptic, illusory, confusing, arbitrary, and most importantly— things that are meaningless. Like me. It seems that through some unholy combination of killing angelic beasts, dying, and then being brought back to life…

  “You’ve fulfilled the necessary requirements to demonhood,” Rose said casually, as if I should have seen this coming.

  “I don’t want to be a demon. Choronzon can stay as himself, I really don’t mind. And besides, what is he doing in all this?”

  “These matters can be a little tricky, because a demon’s title is both descriptive and prescriptive. There can only be one Choronzon, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be that Choronzon. And soon, when you get coronated, it won’t be. It’ll be you.”

  I don’t even want to know what that would entail. Would I have to deal with these little bastards all day for the rest of my life? Absolutely no way, I thought to myself as I kicked one off my ankle.

  “You’ve brought it upon yourself. Or, maybe, we brought it upon you.”

  I was meaningless.

  A creative mistake of the cosmos.

  But now, that meaninglessness has become weaponized.

  “We kept saving you, over and over. People and things kept trying to kill you, to expel you from a world you didn’t belong in. If we had let that happen… none of this would be going on right now.”

  Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

  On this point, I actually felt like I understood a little bit.

  I was clawing on to my life desperately, for what feels like a long time now.

  It wasn’t really something I decided to do. It was instinctual, primal.

  I didn’t want to not exist. And really, I still don’t.

  “Well, I don’t want to die… again. But did I really give up my humanity, just like that?”

  “It’s hard to give up something you never really had.”

  “But I was fitting in so well. I was living a normal life.” I glanced over at Bunny, starting to play with a couple of little dust devils. “That is, aside from you two.”

  Rose folded her arms. “Well, it’s all your responsibility now. All of this stuff. Woah, don’t make that face. I’m not trying to shirk responsibility… entirely, it’s just that this has gotten way out of my league. My magickal practice has me up to where I could probably deal with one of these guys. But you know, with a coronation coming… They’re just going to keep getting bigger and badder as the time gets closer. From that perspective, it’s best that they stay on your side, right? Why not try getting a little more buddy-buddy with them?”

  I picked up a twisted rat-looking whelp off the floor.

  “You. What’s your name?”

  “U-UNMOLOCHTESITIS THE UNREPENTANT PUSTULE.”

  “What are you doing here?”

  “PREPARING FOR CORONATION, M’LORD! SPREADING SALTS AND ASHES, REVERSING VIBRATIONS, FEELING FOR PARTICULAR POWER SPOTS… LOW-LEVEL TASKS, REALLY.”

  “That implies there are high-level tasks. What would those be?”

  “I AM FORBADE TO KNOW. SHALL I SUMMON A GREATER BEING?”

  “Yeah, go a— Wait, wait, no, actually—”

  Before I could stammer out a proper halting order, a massive statue of an overgrown standing-upright dog appeared in front of me. Right in the living room. It wasn’t actually a statue, but the rough, ashy textures made it look just like one. It spoke in a rumble that reverberated through the floorboards, making the smaller demons quake and scatter.

  “M’LORD, WHAT REQUEST OF ME DO YOU HAVE? I WILL EXECUTE ANY TASK, AGAINST ANY ODDS OR OPPOSITION.”

  I wasn’t sure what to say. I wanted to just ask what the hell was going on, but that sort of direct approach had only lead me to exactly where I was now. In the face of an actually scary-looking demon, I decided to feign confidence.

  “My coronation… I grow impatient.”

  “YES M’LORD, ONLY A SHORT TIME LEFT BEFORE THE RITES ARE COMPLETE.”

  “These little pests have been here for days now, certainly the house is ready by now.”

  “YES, IT SEEMS THIS AREA HAS BEEN THOROUGHLY PREPARED. JUST A FEW MORE PLACES ARE LEFT OUTSIDE.”

  Outside? I hadn’t gone outside since this whole thing started.

  I went over to the door and opened it.

  I expected to see imps skittering around on my lawn.

  Instead, I was completely shocked.

  They were there, exactly as I expected.

  As well as flooding the streets, flocking in the sky, and spilling out the windows of the other houses around mine.