[4:50 P.M.] Mr parker
Are you enjoying the afternoon so far
[4:54 P.M.] Lindsay
i guess
[4:59 P.M.] Mr parker
Have you figured out any secrets with these damn phones
Only being able to message people is lame af
[5:01 P.M.] Lindsay
yeah
those who get eliminated early will be the lucky ones
[5:04 P.M.] Mr parker
Too bad it's all random
[5:06 P.M.] Lindsay
no competition either
not sure what the point of this all is
[5:25 P.M.] Mr parker
Who knows
We'll find out eventually tho
But at least we've all got each other until then
[5:29 P.M.] Lindsay
mhm
[5:31 P.M.] Mr parker
Good talk
Mr parker[133-782-0376], Iliana[133-296-8468]
[4:55 P.M.] Mr parker
Have you seen some of the weird ass TV channels this thing has
[4:56 P.M.] Iliana
YEAH I KNOW
It's all just a bunch of boomer shit
Like no Directv, I I'm not interested in televangelists or a thousand different crime shows on their 34th season
[5:01 P.M.] Mr parker
And so many movie channels too
[5:02 P.M.] Iliana
And its so funny because I dont want to watch ANY of them
Like guardians of the galaxy? I could recall half that movies script off the top of my head already i dont need to watch it again thanks
And what's with all the spanish football channels? The whole sport is literally just a bunch of burly dudes running into each other, that should transcend language barriers
[5:08 P.M.] Mr parker
The Magic Mike trilogy is playing??
[5:08 P.M.] Iliana
What is that emoji
I dont like that
Never send that again
[5:11 P.M.] Mr parker
????????
[5:11 P.M.] Iliana
What the fuck is wrong with you
[5:14 P.M.] Mr parker
??
[5:14 P.M.] Iliana
Do you want to die?
Do you want to go to hell?
Do you want me to send you there personally?
[5:17 P.M.] Mr parker
??????
ALERT: THIS USER HAS BLOCKED YOU. NO MESSAGES CAN BE SENT TO OR RECEIVED FROM THEM.
Mr parker[133-782-0376], UNKNOWN SENDER[133-812-2602]
[5:10 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
Hello there
I know I'm probably a little late to the party on introductions today, but what does that matter, right?
Baxter McAruther, at your service. Bax for short
[5:13 P.M.] Mr parker
We have been awaiting your arrival, Subject 11
The Overseer will be very pleased
Please state the password
[5:13 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
Uh
Red pill?
[5:15 P.M.] Mr parker
False
Agents are approaching you for an identity check
[5:16 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
No wait I actually meant the password is Run-DMC
[5:18 P.M.] Mr parker
False
Your IP address is currently being reviewed
[5:18 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
…Gravity Falls?
[5:21 P.M.] Mr parker
The password is actually the hex code of the 30th pixel from the right of the top corner of season 2, episode 4 of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, timecode 11:20:68 if you're watching on Paramount+
But nice try, the entire dark web has your social security number now
[5:22 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
Barnacles!
And that was gonna be my next guess!
[5:26 P.M.] Mr parker
Anyhow, my names Owen
Owen Parker
"At your service"
[5:27 P.M.] Baxter's Laboratory
Pleasure to meet ya
[5:32 P.M.] Baxter's Laboratory
So what have you been doing to pass the time in your little box?
[5:32 P.M.] Mr parker
Mostly trying to find out what to do to pass the time lmao
I'm busy channel surfing right now
[5:33 P.M.] Baxter's Laboratory
Same, kind of
I've been surfing all the news channels
Seeing if maybe I was a famous celebrity or something
Or if anyone is talking about this experiment we're doing
[5:34 P.M.] Mr parker
If there was a TV channel covering our shenanigans that would be awesome
[5:34 P.M.] Baxter's Laboratory
I know!
I would watch the shit out of that
[5:34 P.M.] Mr parker
Hang on can I disappear for a moment
My messages are blowing up right now
[5:34 P.M.] Baxter's Laboratory
No problem
Do what you gotta do
Mr parker[133-782-0376], Iliana[133-296-8468]
[5:31 P.M.] Iliana
Alright youre unblocked
Ready to behave now?
[5:31 P.M.] Mr parker
??
[5:31 P.M.] Iliana
Oh what? Youre gonna be a sourpuss now?
[5:31 P.M.] Mr parker
??
[5:31 P.M.] Iliana
Gross
[5:32 P.M.] Mr parker
If you encounter this story on Amazon, note that it's taken without permission from the author. Report it.
??
[5:32 P.M.] Iliana
I'm blocking you again if you dont cut that shit out
[5:32 P.M.] Mr parker
????
[5:33 P.M.] Iliana
Actually, you know what
I have just the right hellscape to send you to
[5:33 P.M.] Mr parker
??
[5:33 P.M.] Iliana
There
Now go bother somebody else
"GRoup cHat?"
Mr parker[133-782-0376], UNKNOWN SENDER[133-378-3077], UNKNOWN SENDER[133-795-3757], UNKNOWN SENDER[133-656-8961], UNKNOWN SENDER[133-440-6740], UNKNOWN SENDER[133-802-7988], UNKNOWN SENDER[133-853-2667], UNKNOWN SENDER[133-347-4232], Iliana[133-296-8468]
[5:33 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
What the fuck kind of name is that
[5:34 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
Pug spaghetti
Hence the name
[5:34 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
if you can't handle the atmosphere being replaced with co2 maybe you're just too weak to live on earth
[5:34 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
I'm a little concerned
Does it mean spaghetti made of pugs or a pug making spaghetti
[5:34 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
Thats lame as fuck bro
[5:34 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
Pug making spaghetti I guess
[5:34 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
Its whatever you want it to mean
[5:34 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
Yo hold the fuck up why are we adding another person
[5:34 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
Name the chat The Crucified Potatoes
[5:34 P.M.] Mr parker
What the fuck
[5:35 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
That name is fucking trash
Get your goofy ass out of here
[5:35 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
Hang on yall can I get everyones names for my contacts
[5:35 P.M.] Mr parker
What have I just entered
ALERT: GROUP CHAT NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED TO "The Crucified Potatoes" BY UNKNOWN SENDER
[5:35 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
JUST SCROLL UP MOTHERFUCKER
[5:35 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
Dude no
ALERT: GROUP CHAT NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED TO "GRoup cHat?" BY UNKNOWN SENDER
ALERT: GROUP CHAT NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED TO "Uhh Uuhhhhm pug spaghetti" BY UNKNOWN SENDER
[5:35 P.M.] Iliana
Enjoy, Owen!
[5:35 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
Holy shit dude stop
ALERT: GROUP CHAT NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED TO "kill yourself" BY UNKNOWN SENDER
ALERT: GROUP CHAT NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED TO "GRoup cHat?" BY UNKNOWN SENDER
[5:36 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
Rohan what the fuck are you doing
[5:36 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
I finish cooking dinner for five minutes
[5:36 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
I've gota name suggsetion
[5:36 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
And I come back to 62 new messages
ALERT: GROUP CHAT NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED TO "eat my crusty deepfried ballsack" BY UNKNOWN SENDER
[5:36 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
I can't scroll up past the point i was added
So give me names
[5:36 P.M.] Mr parker
Yeah do that
ALERT: UNKNOWN SENDER[133-382-1325] HAS BEEN ADDED TO THE GROUP CHAT
[5:36 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
How am I supposed to wathc south park wiht you retards squabbling constantly
[5:36 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
Eliot I can just send you everyones name
[5:36 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
anyone up for a law and order marathon
[5:36 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
Oh my god another one
ALERT: GROUP CHAT NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED TO "Nicolas Cage's 2009 $36 million lawsuit" BY UNKNOWN SENDER
[5:37 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
Rohan are you fucking kidding me
[5:37 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
Hi. I think
[5:37 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
Bro stop
[5:37 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
Suck my balls maria
ALERT: GROUP CHAT NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED TO "Comedy Central" BY UNKNOWN SENDER
ALERT: GROUP CHAT NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED TO "The crease between my asshole and ballsack" BY UNKNOWN SENDER
[5:37 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
Would anyone perhaps be interested in purchasing wet baby powder
[5:37 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
I'm not stopping and you cunts cant make me
[5:37 P.M.] Iliana
Uuhh no I have plenty
[5:37 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
IMG_053714_005.HEIC
ALERT: GROUP CHAT NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED TO "Shut the fuck up" BY UNKNOWN SENDER
[5:37 P.M.] Eliot
What is that
ALERT: GROUP CHAT NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED TO "Shereen is a fucking whore" BY UNKNOWN SENDER
[5:37 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
Weezer album, zoomed in
[5:37 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
You petty bitch
[5:37 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
Where the fuck did you get a weezer album
ALERT: GROUP CHAT NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED TO " " BY UNKNOWN SENDER
[5:37 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
ROHAN
STOP
[5:37 P.M.] Rohan probably
Make me slut
[5:38 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
oh, you guys haven't found the music stash?
[5:38 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
That was Pinkerton
Easy
ALERT: GROUP CHAT NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED TO " Hulk hogans' sex tape" BY Rohan probably
[5:38 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
Oh my god
[5:38 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
What we having for dinner boys im starvin
[5:38 P.M.] Rohan probably
Your children
ALERT: GROUP CHAT NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED TO "GROup Chat?" BY UNKNOWN SENDER
ALERT: GROUP CHAT NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED TO "gROuP ChaT?" BY UNKNOWN SENDER
ALERT: GROUP CHAT NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED TO "gRoIp cHEt?" BY UNKNOWN SENDER
[5:38 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
Please stop screwing with the name everyone
[5:38 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
Shereen just let them burn out their energy it'll stop soon enough
[5:38 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
IMG_053831_006.HEIC
[5:38 P.M.] Rohan probably
lmao wanna bet bitch?
[5:39 P.M.] Eliot
Is that Hurley?
ALERT: GROUP CHAT NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED TO "11 swollen cocks in mcdonalds" BY Rohan probably
[5:39 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
What is this man cooking
[5:39 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
That IS Hurley
ALERT: GROUP CHAT NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED TO "pissing in a fucking drainage pipe" BY Rohan probably
ALERT: GROUP CHAT NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED TO "go ahead cocksucker. keep telling me that anime is superior medium of entertainment. the same worms will eat your fat ass too." BY Rohan probably
ALERT: GROUP CHAT NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED TO "not only do i enjoy weezer, i also like fucking donkeys in little skirts because it allows me to feel like im fucking a 9 year old schoolgirl without actually getting into legal trouble" BY Rohan probably
[5:39 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
HEY.
ALERT: GROUP CHAT NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED TO "does it look like i give a fuck?" BY Rohan probably
[5:39 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
What the fuck bro
[5:39 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
IMG_053849_007.HEIC
Weezer stays winning bitch
[5:39 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
Hey Rohan
[5:40 P.M.] Eliot
Do you have the teal album? Thats my favorite
[5:40 P.M.] Rohan probably
Hey Julien
[5:40 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
I wrote a poem for you
[5:40 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
The teal album? Are you high?
[5:40 P.M.] Julien?
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Nobody likes you.
ALERT: Rohan probably[133-378-3077] HAS BEEN REMOVED FROM THE GROUP CHAT
[5:40 P.M.] UNKNOWN SENDER
Everybody knows Raditude is the best one
Mr parker[133-782-0376], Baxter's Laboratory[133-812-2602]
[5:40 P.M.] Mr parker
Jesius christ Im back
Did you know that you can make group chats in this fucking app
[5:40 P.M.] Baxter's Laboratory
I did not
That's interesting
[5:40 P.M.] Mr parker
I just got added to one
And fuck me
Those people are like fucking high schoolers
[5:41 P.M.] Baxter's Laboratory
Oh now THAT'S interesting
[5:41 P.M.] Mr parker
Sure is.
[5:42 P.M.] Baxter's Laboratory
Oh man, I just realized that I horrifically misspelled my last name back there
It's Bax McArthur, not McAruther lol
[5:42 P.M.] Mr parker
Oh yeah I was confused by that
[5:42 P.M.] Baxter's Laboratory
But yeah anyways this group chat of yours…
…Could I join it?
[5:42 P.M.] Mr parker
Why would you want that
They just yell slurs at each other and argue over the chat name
[5:42 P.M.] Baxter's Laboratory
Isn't that the beauty of chaotic gatherings of immature people?
[5:43 P.M.] Mr parker
Theres already like 9 people there
[5:43 P.M.] Baxter's Laboratory
Even better!
[5:45 P.M.] Mr parker
??
Lord help me
I need alcohol