[9:28 P.M.] Juno
Brice. Holy god. If I have to go one more minute watching the news on my TV without having Google on this phone, I'm going to cry
I never imagined being cut off from the internet would burn this much
[9:29 P.M.] Me
Oh boy, sounds like you were a wikipedia editor in your old life
[9:29 P.M.] Juno
Maybe so. And you know what? I still want to be one
And if I'm not given the means of achieving that very soon, I'll burn this entire complex to the ground
Now that I think about it, this room is looking pretty flammable…
[9:29 P.M.] Me
Setting anything on fire is going to kill you first
And likely only you if it gets put out fast enough
Which there's no reason to believe it won't. This IS a high-tech lab we're staying at with more than a hundred people for five months.
[9:30 P.M.] Juno
And the more I think about that fact, the more terrifying it becomes
Because who the hell is going to stay occupied for that long just texting people and watching TV?
[9:32 P.M.] Me
Maybe nobody. Maybe it's all a test to see who breaks last
Or, maybe they'll throw a few surprises to us every other day
[9:32 P.M.] Juno
Surprises? What surprises
[9:33 P.M.] Me
You'll have to ask them about that. I have no idea how this all works
[9:33 P.M.] Juno
Well if it's a test of patience and strong will, I'm sorry to say I will not be the victor
In fact, quite the opposite
GOD I need a treadmill. There's one on a TV ad and I WANT it.
[9:35 P.M.] Me
Maybe you can create a makeshift one. The physics aren't too complicated, you'll just need to take apart some things in your room
[9:35 P.M.] Juno
Or run around my room like a cat
I'm sure fashioning an obstacle course in a 16x24 living room will be much more fun
AND while blasting Death Grips on my radio?
[9:36 P.M.] Me
You have Death Grips CDs? Those would have been the last people I'd have guessed that you listen to
[9:36 P.M.] Juno
Who's in your music selection, Man of Taste?
[9:37 P.M.] Me
Oh god. It's all dad rock
The National, Wilco, Rolling Stones, Bruce Springsteen, you name it
[9:37 P.M.] Juno
Oh my god I never even thought to ask, but how old are you
[9:38 P.M.] Me
You're going to laugh. I'm 38
[9:38 P.M.] Juno
SHIIIIIIIT
[9:38 P.M.] Me
Not old enough to be middle-aged, but just deep enough in my 30s that I can't be young anymore
[9:38 P.M.] Juno
I mean with the life expectancy of Americans going down so fast, you're basically middle-aged on average
I'm 25 by the way
[9:40 P.M.] Me
Lucky for me then, 'cause I'm Australian
[9:40 P.M.] Juno
OOOOOHHH that's even better
Oh my god I can absolutely hear a middle-aged Australian dad when I read your messages
[9:41 P.M.] Me
I am not middle-aged. I am 38.
[9:41 P.M.] Juno
You're old enough to be a veteran of the Emu War
[9:42 P.M.] Me
The Emu War was in 1932
[9:43 P.M.] Juno
That's right
And you were there out in the plains, carrying a Lewis gun, wearing an emu skin hat
[9:47 P.M.] Me
Oi. You're lucky I don't remember what society was like in my childhood or I would be getting very upset right now
[9:47 P.M.] Juno
Isn't "oi" a British thing?
[9:48 P.M.] Me
An American that understands even a single difference between Brits and Australians? I'm impressed
[9:48 P.M.] Juno
YES, a middle-aged dad approves of me. That's all my self-esteem needed, thank you
[9:49 P.M.] Me
You're gonna keep driving that joke home until it runs out of mileage, aren't you
[9:49 P.M.] Juno
That's right, that's the perfect way to say it
I'd expect nothing less from an Australian country bumpkin
[9:50 P.M.] Me
Where did you get the "country bumpkin" part from?
[9:50 P.M.] Juno
I don't know, that's just the first thing that comes to mind when I think of Australian people
[9:53 P.M.] Me
Sounds like you may have a problem with stereotyping.
[9:54 P.M.] Juno
I'm fine stereotyping white people
It makes all the right people angry
[9:56 P.M.] Me
"Right people"? You mean regular white people who just don't like racism?
[9:56 P.M.] Juno
Oh god don't tell me you're one of them
[9:57 P.M.] Me
No, I'm not a redneck who screeches about anti-white racism as an extension of their hatred of black people. I would however prefer if the cycle of retaliatory bigotry could stop on all sides
[9:57 P.M.] Juno
Even if it's ironic?
[9:58 P.M.] Me
I just don't find politics for the sake of making the other side angry very useful. Call me old fashioned.
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[9:58 P.M.] Juno
That is definitely some Gen X shit for you to say
Don't you know that it's Dope and #Swag to make fun of right-wingers now?
[9:59 P.M.] Me
Jesus Christ, and you're 25?
[9:59 P.M.] Juno
What? I'm not Hip and Fresh enough for you?
[10:00 P.M.] Me
You have a high schooler's notion of "irony"
[10:00 P.M.] Juno
Oh I'm sure you know all kinds of shit about high schoolers
[10:02 P.M.] Me
What's the implication there supposed to mean?
"Yeah of course I know high schoolers, I stalk them at their homes every afternoon"
[10:02 P.M.] Juno
WHOA
That is not at ALL what the implication was
I just said that sarcastically because you're old and detached from youth culture
That leap was ALL yours. I had nothing to do with that
[10:02 P.M.] Me
I'm not old. I'm not detached. I'm not old. I'm not detached.
[10:03 P.M.] Juno
Bro do people call you a pedophile often? Is that something you have to deal with in day to day life?
Worse, do you DEFEND yourself?
[10:04 P.M.] Me
I sincerely fucking hope not.
[10:04 P.M.] Juno
Do you have a mustache? Wife beater? Balding hair? Bear gut?
[10:06 P.M.] Me
No to all of those.
[10:06 P.M.] Juno
How do I know you're not lying when I can't see your face?
[10:09 P.M.] Me
IMG_100850_003.HEIC
There.
[10:10 P.M.] Juno
Oh THAT'S what you look like
Well I wouldn't suspect you as a pedophile, if it makes you feel better
[10:11 P.M.] Me
Now you're concerned about making me feel better?
[10:14 P.M.] Juno
I suppose I should share my own mirror selfie to make things even?
Hang on this phone UI is weird
IMG_101431_002.HEIC
[10:15 P.M.] Me
That's about how I imagined you looked
[10:15 P.M.] Juno
I don't know how to take that comment
[10:22 P.M.] Juno
Oh, I see, you're going to not follow that up because you think it's funny to leave me feeling insecure after I made fun of your age so much
Well, have you considered, that I'm taking that very personally and my feeling are deeply hurt
[10:23 P.M.] Me
I was changing my shirt. My glass of water slipped out of my hand and spilt on me and the couch
[10:23 P.M.] Juno
Because my terrible face jolted you so much?
[10:24 P.M.] Me
Because maintaining a decent grip on a glass cup while simultaneously reaching a finger to the TV remote and texting with the other hand is not a skill I've attained yet.
[10:24 P.M.] Juno
Oh, so it was because you're old
[10:25 P.M.] Me
Watch it.
[10:25 P.M.] Juno
Or you'll do what? Send a picture of you scowling at me?
I think not, boomer
[10:27 P.M.] Me
I can almost handle "middle aged." But the devil shudders when somebody has the nerve to call me "boomer."
[10:27 P.M.] Juno
Ohhhh I'm so scared
Don't SCOWL at me, I couldn't handle that
[10:28 P.M.] Me
The average baby boomer would tear you to finely shredded pieces in a fight
[10:30 P.M.] Juno
Totally, I know you folks in the Silent Generation got your kicks in young adulthood catch wrestling each other after a long day in the textile factories
[10:31 P.M.] Me
That settles it. There is no doubt in my mind anymore that you were a Wikipedia editor.
[10:31 P.M.] Juno
DONT TALK TO ME ABOUT THAT. YOU BRIEFLY DISTRACTED ME FROM MY BURNING GOOGLE WITHDRAWAL BUT I WILL SET MY COUCH ON FIRE IF I THINK ABOUT IT FOR MORE THAN TWO SECONDS
OH GOD IM STILL THINKING ABOUT IT. ITS HAPPENING
[10:31 P.M.] Me
Sounds like you need sleep more than anything
[10:33 P.M.] Juno
The lighter is in my hands
I'm going to set my head on fire
[10:33 P.M.] Me
You don't have a lighter. They wouldn't have given you one
[10:34 P.M.] Juno
What if I have a gas stove that needs one
[10:34 P.M.] Me
Do you?
[10:34 P.M.] Juno
…… No.
Yeah I'm tired. I'm gonna… dose off.
[10:34 P.M.] Me
Doze. And goodnight
[10:34 P.M.] Juno
NOOOO I WAS TRYING SO HARD NOT TO MISSPELL ANYTHING SO YOU WOULDN'T CORRECT ME
, Goodnight.
[10:36 P.M.] Me
Talk to you tomorrow
Me[133-239-2009], Lawrence[133-284-2974]
[11:05 P.M.] Lawrence
Hey Brice, are you still awake?
[11:06 P.M.] Me
For the moment.
[11:06 P.M.] Lawrence
Okay good
[11:06 P.M.] Me
Something you need?
[11:08 P.M.] Lawrence
I've just been thinking a bit all night
Mind if I ask you a kind of weird question?
[11:08 P.M.] Me
Shoot.
[11:11 P.M.] Lawrence
Okay. So we're gonna be locked here alone for a long while, and we're not allowed to break the walls. So… how do we get out?
ALERT: ANY ATTEMPT TO FORCIBLY BREAK OUT OF YOUR ROOMS IS STRICTLY PROHIBITED. FAILURE TO ABIDE WILL MEAN IMMEDIATE TERMINATION FROM THE GAME.
[11:12 P.M.] Me
Do you mean that as in escaping or are you asking broadly?
[11:12 P.M.] Lawrence
Broadly. Because there's no identifiable entry or exit anywhere. It isn't just for escaping, like say we were getting tired of the game and wanted to leave. What happens then? Does anything?
Sorry if I'm sounding anxious. But we're going to be isolated for a very long time
[11:14 P.M.] Me
Do you not think you're going to be able to hold out for that long?
[11:15 P.M.] Lawrence
I think I'll be fine. But it's not a guarantee. Not for me, not for anyone. I know we've our phones and TV and everything so we aren't detached from the world around us, but not having anybody to physically talk to is a heavy tax.
[11:18 P.M.] Me
Well, the important thing to remember is that—assuming that alert was telling the truth—we all signed up for this. We had to have known what the risks were before this started. They wouldn't throw a bunch of people through a simulation like this if they weren't sure we wouldn't all panic and quit before we were halfway through.
[11:20 P.M.] Lawrence
But it's all guesses. We know nothing. How am I supposed to believe this isn't just an inescapable box? This isn't an elaborate and shoddily-executed trap? That we're not barreling headfirst toward a dead end 149 days from now?
[11:22 P.M.] Me
Slow yourself, Lawrence. You can speculate from here to the sun and back, but all you're going to accomplish is freaking yourself out.
It may feel like you're operating in a void where any terrible thing is possible, but you have dozens of other people to talk to through it. And I bet a lot of them are feeling freaked out too.
Things are obviously weird right now, but you're not alone
[11:29 P.M.] Lawrence
Well how do I know you're not just a plant tasked with making me feel better?
…Sorry. Poor joke
[11:31 P.M.] Me
No, no. I am a plant. I was actually tasked with gauging the food you like so we can stuff more of it in your face to keep you from asking questions
I guess that didn't work out well, though. You just had to get nosy
[11:32 P.M.] Lawrence
Sorry. It's what I do ???♂?
At least I know that if things start getting tense, I can just joke my way through it
[11:32 P.M.] Me
That's the spirit. And if you get your pantry refilled tomorrow, you'll know they aren't trying to kill you
[11:35 P.M.] Lawrence
And there's those sticky notes to write requests on. What's that for? How far can I stretch it?
[11:35 P.M.] Me
No clue. Haven't tested it. I just think it's only for food.
[11:37 P.M.] Lawrence
But that wasn't specified in the alert. To quote, it only said "ANY SPECIFIC REQUESTS CAN BE WRITTEN ON A STICKY NOTE LOCATED ON YOUR KITCHEN COUNTER AND PLACED ON YOUR BEDROOM DOOR." Sure, it talked about food before that. But… what if I ask for something else?
[11:38 P.M.] Me
What are you getting at?
[11:38 P.M.] Lawrence
Nothing, I'm just diverging my speculation. If I write "I want a new car" on this thing and stick it to my door, what happens?
[11:39 P.M.] Me
Why not try and figure it out?
[11:44 P.M.] Lawrence
I am getting tired. I think I will. I'll update you in the morning If I wake up with a Lamborghini in my kitchen
[11:45 P.M.] Me
I'll be eagerly awaiting. Goodnight.