Who was Fortuna? What war was to come?

  Are the Old Ones fighting each other, or would they be attacking us?

  What happened to those empty vessels marching in unison down the street? Was that a memory of what the Mind Flayer had done? Or a prediction of what was still to come?

  My mind was as dark as the sky by the time we finished catching thoughts. Mr. Mori didn’t have any more answers than I did. He had more patience though, so he was more at peace with not knowing. I only had one last dose of medication — I didn’t have time to wait. When the Psychic Curse Club finished for the day I didn’t feel any more prepared for whatever was coming.

  “I’ll drop you off at your home now. If you want…” Lei said from the driver seat.

  “Yeah thanks —”

  I was interrupted by Lei throwing her head back and letting out a little shriek as soon as we were alone in the car together. I felt her distress, and thought she was under attack for a moment. Then she turned on my fiercely, and said:

  “I can’t stand this!”

  “What?”

  “You know perfectly well what! You’re in my head, aren’t you?”

  “Not right now.”

  “Ahhh!” Lei clapped her hands over her ears.

  “Don’t you realize how unsettling it is not knowing? At least with the colorful thoughts in the air, I had to release them before they left me. But I never know when you’re reading my thoughts and and walking through my head without footprints. Being next to you feels like having a burglar in my house.”

  I nodded glumly. “I’m a freak.”

  “No. I’m the freak. That’s the whole point. I don’t feel safe because I have so much I want to hide. I’m ashamed over nothing, and I hate it.”

  “Fine then. I hate it too. I can walk home. I don’t care.” I angrily wrenched the car door open and started getting out.

  Lei’s grabbed tightly onto my arm. “Wait! You don’t understand. I’m saying it’s okay. I’m giving you permission to look.”

  “Huh?” I was as stunned as if she’d just taken off her shirt.

  Lei nodded sharply, glaring in resolved defiance. “You need to practice, don’t you? I know how hard it is to concentrate on the Old Ones when there’s lots of noise and people about. We’re alone now. It’s quiet in the car. I want you to practice on me. I can’t stand not knowing what you know about me, so I want you to tell me everything you see. And if after that you don’t want to be my friend anymore, then I want you to tell me that too. I wouldn’t stop you from training with my grandfather.”

  I was overwhelmed with emotion, unsure which of us it came from. How was it that I could read her thoughts and still be so blind to what she struggled with? I leaned over and hugged her awkwardly, filled with both of our gratitude combined. She unexpectedly snatched my head in both hands and drew her forehead against mine. Her skin was cool and damp with perspiration.

  “It’s clearer when it’s close,” she said.

  “Are you sure—”

  “It’s louder when it’s quiet.”

  I swallowed hard and nodded. This took more courage than going into the woods. She closed her eyes, and I closed mine. Her heart was racing, and it was my heart. Her breathing shallow, and it came from my lungs.

  I opened her eyes inside her mind. Even several days removed from my medication, I had never seen so clearly before. I wasn’t simply inside her mind. I was her, and I was filled with shame. The Japanese house was my house that I grew up in. It wasn’t nearly so grand as Mr. Mori’s place. My big family filled the place with noise and laughter. And they were laughing at me for the things I saw that they did not. My house was haunted by the Old Ones from a very young age. My brothers and sisters teased me relentlessly over it. I’ve always known I was a freak, so why try to hide it?

  I saw the early years of Lei’s life unravel as though my own life flashed before my eyes. I saw how she embraced her latent powers and didn’t try to hide them. She spoke openly to the Old Ones in class, and was mocked for it. She dyed her hair pink and dressed in black. She wore heavy makeup, and got piercings with mystical symbols. She wouldn’t hide her spark and was picked on relentlessly. She got into fights. She was suspended for it. The injustice of being punished for telling the truth about what she saw consumed her. She became angrier, and more violent. She stole from shops, and cheated at cards, and was violently beaten more than once. And how she was mocked and pushed away, it burned me with the same anger. But her parents didn’t understand, and the shame covered the anger like a wet blanket. It suffocated her fire into quiet withdrawn grief.

  So Lei became more shy over the years. One by one the piercings came out. She dressed in uniforms, and blended in, and didn’t say a word. Until the day she went to visit her grandfather Mori in America. How kind he was to me, to her, to us. He was the first to show me that I was not mad, and that my power could be controlled. It wasn’t like with my curiosity about the hunger which I only found out about last week. For Lei, this mystery was a lifetime of isolation and anger. How many nights alone, wondering if she was mad, and then proving it by how the world treated her? And as heavy as all that anger and resentment, so too came the love and gratitude for those who looked without turning away.

  A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

  All her life unspun before my eyes, all the way up to this very moment, and the love which lingered in her thoughts. I wasn’t a freak to her. I was the only hope she had to break the walls between her the world outside. To Lei, who thought she was crazy all these years, had spiraled into self-destruction. But she was on the other side of that now, and to her love and hope tasted the same. She loved what gave her hope, and hoped love would make the world a place worth living in.

  I slowly pulled my forehead away from hers. I opened my eyes, and saw her eyes opening at the same time.

  “Did you see?” Lei asked breathlessly.

  I nodded. I told her everything I saw. I told her she wasn’t a freak. If anything, I was envious of her for being born with such a talent. I told her she had nothing to be ashamed about. Then I began to tell her about her love of hope, and her eyes watered. I wished she could read my thoughts the same way I did, because I wasn’t brave enough to say how beautiful she looked. I even considered drawing the thought out of my head and passing it through the air so I didn’t have to say it.

  I never got the chance before she gasped, turning to point out the front windshield.

  “The wolf is back.”

  I searched in confusion. The street was empty. Nothing out the passenger windows. But she was pointing at the sky, and then nothing could conceal it from me. The wolf’s face in the clouds dominated the heavens. I jumped straight out of the car and into the street to look up for a better view.

  The wolf’s eyes were twice the size of the moon, except light fell into them and swirled to disappear in their vortex. His features were carved into the clouds as though into marble. Its open mouth in the clouds was turning against the wind to look down at the car. It was both comforting and terrifying to feel such a powerful thing watching over you. Just as it was comforting and terrifying for Lei to grant me such power over her.

  “It’s not going to leave us alone,” I said.

  “Get in the car.” I did so and closed the door. Lei continued: “The wolves aren’t taking no for an answer, and neither am I. I’ve waited long enough to understand what the Old Ones are up to. Let’s go back to the woods tonight.”

  “Just us?”

  “Grandfather Mori already said he wasn’t going. Arnold won’t help, and I don’t trust what’s got hold of Ramsey. It won’t be just us though.”

  I stared out the window at the face in the clouds. I knew what she meant.

  “I’m not afraid,” I said. This was one of those moments where I was really glad she couldn’t tell what I was feeling.

  “Neither am I.” But she was telling the truth, and that made all the difference. I decided I wasn’t as afraid of the hunger as I was afraid of being weak in front of her.

  “Let’s stop at my place first anyway,” I said. “I’m going to have a fresh dose of medication ready. I’m not supposed to have another shot until tomorrow, so I won’t take it unless we’re attacked.”

  “Good thinking. It is working though, right? You’re breathing better than you were.”

  Except when you look at me like that, I thought. The way I’ve started to feel about her was just a distraction though. I couldn’t even tell what was my own feeling, and what was hers, all mixed up together. It was so confusing, and I couldn’t think about it right now. I had to stay focused for when I met the Mind Flayer and the Hunger.

  Soon after she parked outside my apartment building. The wolf in the clouds was still watching when I got out of the car again. I ran up the stairs two at a time. The door was locked — my father wasn’t home. Good that would make it easier. I went straight to the freezer and shuffled around bags of frozen vegetables. The blue syringe was right where I left it, hidden inside an empty wrapper. I grabbed a bag of frozen peas along with it, then wrapped them both in a kitchen towel to keep it cold. I felt like a burglar in my own house.

  We headed straight for the woods after that. Lei was my courage when I did not have my own.

  “Have you thought about what to think about?” she asked.

  “You mean if we get attacked by the Mind Flayer?”

  “Yeah. If he’s trying to empty out your head of thoughts. What’s the one you think you can hold onto the longest?”

  I’m thankful she was driving and wasn’t looking at me. I don’t think I would have been brave enough to say it otherwise.

  “I’ll be thinking about you.”

  The car swerved in its lane slightly. Lei kept her eyes locked on the road. “What about me?”

  “About what I’ve seen. About your life. And what you looked like, and what it felt like being you.”

  “Hmm. Why?”

  “It will confuse it, don’t you think? It’ll be in my head attacking my thoughts, and your thoughts will be in there instead. That might give me a chance to get away.”

  “Oh. That’s the reason. That makes sense.”

  “What about you?”

  Lei looked at me out of the corner of her eye. She winked. “I’ll be thinking about you too. Only I don’t know as much, so I might have trouble.”

  She was right. I was reminded again how unfair it was. I placed my middle finger and thumb to my temples and began to draw a memory out.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Shush.”

  “You don’t have to give me something. I was only joking. I know you lose your memory when it’s given that way.”

  “I have enough to spare.”

  Last time I gave her something horrible, although I don’t know what it was. This time I was going to give her a happy memory. If she was going to be repeating it to herself when she was attacked, then it should be a moment of power and celebration. I drew the golden strands of light from my head and suspended my thoughts in the air. It was gone from my mind so completely I did not even know what it was. I felt a little more hollow having it gone. At least I took comfort knowing it must be important. I immediately regretted not writing it down first, but at the same time, there was something more meaningful about the gesture in letting it go for good.

  My golden memory floated around the car by itself for a while until Lei parked on the side of the dirt road. We were back in the woods near where the Mind Flayer attacked us last time.

  Lei unbuckled her seatbelt and thrust her head back to catch the floating thought. She grinned. “Thank you. That’s quite an adventure.”

  “I’m sure it was. But I have a new one to focus on.” The hunger was back. As powerful as ever, drawing me deeper into the woods. I patted my bag of frozen peas in the front pocket of my hoodie. I was ready this time.

  I got out of the car and looked up through the tangled branches. I couldn’t see the sky clearly. I couldn’t see the wolf watching over us, but just as with the moon, I knew it was there. There was great comfort in knowing it was there, even when I couldn’t see it.