It was a painful wait that felt like a century. My door was locked. I watched the street from the window of my room. I was never supposed to meet Ezra. Because if I saw him, there was a chance I might stop going. I didn't think I could be a mother to a man who couldn't raise himself. Especially how could I fix a man who I wasn't sure how he felt about me, a man who approached me with love one day and hate the next? I paced around the room until Ezra left the house. He never called out to me. Maybe he sensed what was about to happen. Or maybe he was in a mood I didn't know he was in today and forgot I was even there.

  I decided to sit down and write him a farewell letter. He wasn't the best man in the world, but he deserved at least that. I took pen and paper and said whatever was in my heart. I don't know how much of it he read, but it didn't matter, I would be gone.

  It was evening by the time Ezra left. I hadn't heard from Ahmet all night. He was on the plane since my messages hadn't been delivered. I was grateful for this step he had taken to get me out of the situation I was in, even though I had rejected him outright and treated him like a freak.

  Finally, looking out the window, I saw a car pull up and Ahmet got out. He looked up. I opened the window and called out, "Don't go upstairs, I'm coming." Because I thought if he came up here, I wouldn't be able to step out of that door. Crying, I tugged the suitcase I had packed to the door of the room. Under normal circumstances, Ezra should be home in twenty minutes.

  As I do in every tense moment, I gathered my hair with the clip on my wrist. For a woman, this means it's time to get to work. I took my suitcase downstairs. Ahmet hadn't sent the Uber when I asked him not to come up. He took the suitcase from my hand. He put it in the trunk. He tried to hug me. A coldness spread through me. We both felt it. He didn't break down. I thought he would at least pout. He seemed to want to ask me something. Which he had every right to do. But I didn't know how to explain to him. I looked at the road Ezra always walked home on. It started to drizzle. I looked at my watch, two minutes. Normally Ezra would be here in two minutes. I said to Ahmet, "Come on, we're short on time."

  He didn't understand what I meant. "The airport is not that far and the plane is not for another three hours. Don't worry."

  By the time he finished I had already stepped out of the car and he sat down next to me and closed the door. "What's going on?"

  "I just didn't want to get wet."

  Months ago, I got wet in a rainstorm like this. I had seen the most handsome bartender in the world and associated him with smells I didn't like. How could I explain this to Ahmet?

  The engine started, the headlights of the car glowed in the dark. I could see the raindrops more clearly now. I turned my head to the back. When I looked out the back window, I locked eyes with Ezra, who was walking two meters away from the car. I immediately averted my eyes. At that moment the car moved. My heart was thundering and tears were pouring into my eyes. This was going to be the saddest scene I would ever remember in my life.

  Seeing that my nose was red, Ahmet asked, "Are you okay? Or are you cold already?" He handed me a tissue.

  While wiping the tip of my nose, "I'm having a bit of an emotional moment, can we not talk?"

  He nodded calmly. The vow of silence began until the airport.

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  Now the car is approaching the airport. I turn and look at Ahmet, there are still question marks in his eyes. I see them, but I can't answer them now.

  How can you say to a man, "Because of the erratic behavior of my husband, whom I married pretending, I left him even though I was in love with him. Now I'm going to marry you pretending, and that's why I'm unhappy. Actually, I don't know what I'm looking for in this life. I can always say, 'I chose myself this time. I was able to do it' and put myself in a bigger predicament."

  We get out of the Uber and deliver my stuff to the trunk. We go to the lounge. We sit down. Ahmet looks very tired. "I think I jump from one jetlag to the next," he says.

  I smile, "Thank you. It means a lot to me."

  He reaches out and takes my hand, brushes the top of my hand with his thumb. There is a tired compassion in his eyes now. "I told you I could get you out of a predicament if you agreed. I haven't broken my promise. Tell me whenever you feel ready. But now we're going straight to the hometown. Our families want to start the wedding preparations."

  I put my hands to my face. "I haven't spoken to my father in almost two months. I haven't answered his calls. Oh, I'm getting a stomach ache."

  He grabs my wrist and takes my hand off my face, "Meryem, it's okay. They think we talked to you all the time during this time. They also know that I come and visit you. But I exaggerated a bit and said I come every month. Wait a minute,"

  He takes out a box from his jacket pocket. It's a ring box. He takes out his wedding ring and puts it on his finger. He made me a new wedding ring just in case, and I let him put it on my finger.

  "How are we going to get married again when I am already married in the USA?" I ask.

  He smiles, "I'm pretty good at making plans too. We will tell them that we got married on a visit to America. I'll tell them it's about you being able to rent a house during your studies. My mom's father is an American citizen, so I already have dual citizenship."

  I marveled, "So instead of going through all this trouble, I should have married you in the first place?"

  He laughs at my expression. "Well, looking at a peasant woman like my mother, you might not have thought of that. My grandfather left years ago when he was younger to work and earn money. He married another woman before my grandmother and became a citizen. Then he returned to his hometown and married my grandmother. I even have an uncle in the US. There's no way you could have thought of that. No offense, we were born in the same village as you. How could you think I could be a citizen of another country?"

  "And we were born on the same day."

  "And at the same time."

  We both laugh. I'm laughing and crying at the same time, and Ahmet is not surprised by my hysterical state. Without waiting long, he speaks again,

  "We have a long way to go. I will probably sleep on the plane. So I want to tell you everything here. Look, I have a girlfriend. But she doesn't want to get married. I can even say she's happy that I'm engaged. Don't be surprised, today you've been living in America for months. You must have heard such things. She wants an open relationship. I respect that. And you're free to have a private life as long as we're away from our families. But it's important for both of us not to get caught, you understand?"

  I nod. It's a lot to digest, but of course I understand. Before Ezra and I got married, we had the same conversation, this time for a different reason.

  "Now, Meryem. You don't need to annul your marriage to that man right now. We're married, I'll get you an identity card, I know some people in some places. It will say my last name instead of that man, that's all. We'll convince our families to have a religious marriage only. It won't be too difficult, they just want to show off with the wedding. Two powerful families uniting, blah blah blah."

  Suddenly a thought comes to my mind. I jump up, "Oh no. They will want a child from us, Ahmet. They want grandchildren." I shake my finger no, "I can't go that far, I can't have children!"

  "Hey, calm down. Yes, you are right. They will press for it, but we will run away as far as we can. Let time take care of the rest."

  I'll let time take care of the rest. We're getting on the plane. Feeling a little lighter, I fall asleep like Ahmet.