As a magnifit circur golden shield, engraved with decorative carvings and encrusted with jewels, ected with my fa a wet, siing spt, I liquified from the force of the blow. Hurtling through the air like a shooting star, I bsted straight through a massive pilr—yet even that colossal crash, sending rubble and stone exploding around me, didn’t halt my momentum as parts of the coliseum’s stadium crumbled all around my still-tumbling form.

  You’d think that would have surely killed me, but instead, I discovered something astonishing—it ossible to get hit so motherfug HARD that you didn’t feel a thing. Who would have ever thought?

  I hit the ground with a resounding spsh, my form spttering dramatically across the broken stones, mounds of sand, and scattered bones. Yet, with the fabulous finesse of someone who would never gerate their own tale... Nope, I would never lie or embellish the moment. Nope. Nope.

  Where was I? ht! As if chraphed, I gathered my gooey blob of a body and executed a fmboyant flip out of my still-moving muck, ref my body as if I were an angelic gymnast vaulting from a dark abyss. I nded on my feet with perfect grace, like a kung fu master ready to face her challenger.

  As my silk face rewove itself, I fixed a steely e gre on three impressive marble statues that had taken their positions, ready for my fight. Meanwhile, the coliseum tio unleash a shower of a stones arouhe sound of falling rocks ear-shattering as dust and sand swirled through the air. But there I stood, uerred, the very picture of elegand power—or so I’d have you—and me—believe. Yep! It was totally like that, and definitely not me slowly oozing upward in a staggered daze, blinking and swaying in total fusion at the statues that had just bitch-spped the unliving shit out of me.

  Shouldn’t it be living shit?

  Nah. Not after mung on zombies, it wouldn’t.

  I chuckled at my own inner joke as I gred at my three oppos—not swaying... at all. Not me. Uh-uh.

  There they stood, white-marble warriors, sculpted like atues of Greek gods, eae eyeih molten golden eyes. One was a muscur Hercules, his chiseled silhouette and beard only enhanced by the mesmerizing engravings on a double-sided battleaxe—bigger than me—casually slung over his shoulder as though it were a twig.

  o him, a leaner figure, still perfectly sculpted to atuate every muscle, including the sexy V-shaped abs that narrowed down to his crotch. He leaned on an ornately detailed golden cymore, its tip buried in the ground, the hilt at eye level.

  Lastly, the one who had shield-bashed the unliving shit out of me—a woman with a posture of defiance. Her shield held out before her, her other hand clutg a splendid golden spear, poi me, akin to something more suited to be wielded by an argel. However, my eyes kept drifting to her breasts. What? They were enormous for a marble sculpture, and seriously, how and why did stone mao jiggle?

  I wouldn’t say I was intimidated, but let’s just say they were fug huge—and made of marble, perhaps grahe statues, not her breasts. Well, those too!

  Seriously, I ’t eat or poison a damn rock! And hell, I wasn’t even sure if I could use Absorb on them if, by some miracle, I mao pull off a win. I eyed the chimera’s carcass behind the three statues, my bck tongue flig out to wet my lips as I savored the thought of the feast tantalizingly close yet so far. Then, my gaze swung over to the entrance where Redtail stood, his reptilian face a picture of horror, like he was about to bolt. I might even sider bolting with him—not that I’d ever admit that aloud.

  Hey! Look at me. I’m gettier at reading lizard expressions.

  With a dramatic sigh, I bravely took my first step forward and—boom!—fated right into the ground. Yup, definitely still swaying here. That attempt at gymnastic grace? Total crap, let’s be real. And my rewoven face? Imagine Spoooder-Man after a ruthless sledgehammer date, where every hit screamed personal vea to the face. Muttering a symphony of curses that would make a sadist blush, I hauled myself up, dusted off what was left of my dignity, and immediately did a wild propeller spin with my arms just to avoid a jagged-looking rock the size of a fist going up my ass—it wouldn’t be the first time. Yep, still riding the cussion train to crazy town.

  No one saw a thing—nothing to see here!

  Um… why are they staring at me like that?

  Ugh, actually... how am I even still scious? That hit should have sent my gray matter flying right out of me, at the very least.

  Is it because there’s nothing in my head but bck goo?

  Then it clicked. I snapped my fingers, my eyes widening. “Sleep immunity!”

  As the realization dawned ohe world split into two horrifying snapshots. First, those dead, lifeless eyes—a woman’s, staring back from the depths of my memory like a distant dream I couldn’t quite grasp. They shifted into full-blown Hollywood drama. A massive battleaxe, wielded by that bearded nude bodybuilder statue that looked like it had overdosed on steroid shakes, hurtled toward me.

  I didn’t just dodge; I summoned all my plot armor and Burst, zipping past with the speed granted by fantasy bullshit, feeling the axe’s deadly whisper graze me. Fueled by dark, slimy adrenaline, I barely noticed when the air behind me erupted with the sound of destru—the axe had obliterated the spot where I had just stood, shattering stone and undoubtedly bending a few ws of physics.

  However, the brief impact from behind was apanied by a sudden golden fsh, leavih a severe sphincter pucker effect as my dark flesh sizzled slightly.

  “What the fuck was that?” I gasped, turning just in time to see a cymore swinging toward me, now glowing ominously with the same golden light.

  Unfortunately, Burst was still taking its sweet time on cooldowal inker with that timer ter to figure out how long before I reuse it. I’m taking a wild guess it’s less than thirty seds, but then again, that’s ing from someoh a notoriously horrible sense of time.

  Stupid Magid her stupid system!

  With no speedy escape avaible, I decided to go full Shadowcat—wait, does anyone even know who that is? The Ghost, then. No? Alright, how about Danny Phantom? People know him, right? Anyway, the reference doesn’t matter—oh, Lemillion! Total badass.

  I won’t lie, my little goth ass always wao write an urban fantasy story, something like Wick meets Potter-esque, with an assassin wizard seeking revenge for his sin family using that skill—I’ll have to share the whole plot someday. Oops… my bad. I’m rambling again—ADHD, am I right?

  Names aside, I stood my ground and shifted into full vapor mode. Ethereal Mist activated just as the cymore’s bde swept through where I stood, slig through what seemed like mere air. You’d think this would turo an untouchable wisp of gas—eek, let’s avoid the fart analogies, shall we?

  But not today. As the bde passed through, that ominous golden glow didn’t respect the usual ethereal boundaries. It seared through me like a hot khrough butter, tearing at the very esseny vaporous form. The pain was real and raw, slig not through flesh—because, what flesh?—but straight to the core of my being. I unleashed a scream, not just from pain but from pure, unadulterated rage, as if it echoed from some dark, demonic, eldritch recess of my soul.

  V:\Assion>SAFE_MODE

  Holy Status Detected     [SD]

  Resist Status: None     [Inactive]

  Applyiances…

  Resistansuccessful

  Holy Vulnerability in Full Effect

  V:\>

  Despite my agony, I couldn’t help but excim, “Holy. Shit!” as both the notification and I seemingly popped ience.

  Well, more like I snapped back to the thereal realm—thereal, that’s supposed to be the opposite of ethereal, right? No? Okay, I became solid again—oh, tangible! That’s the fug word! The tangible realm... No, that sounds even worse. Metaphysical? Sorry, my mind likes to wa times; it’s my happy pce. And right now, amidst all this holy fug pain, I desperately o be in my happy pce.

  Thankfully, I was still coherent enough to retaliate. A wave of burnih magic surged forward like a tidal wave, green with purple crests, smashing into the cymore-wielding statue. I unleashed ic Fme, manic ughter masking my screams—ighe bck tears running down my silk face. Those are happy tears, certainly not ouchie tears. That said, Holy magic fug sucks worse than Fire. I’m pretty sure the tter does more damage, but that golden shit hurts waaaaaay more!

  I had no clue how much mana I umping into my skill—no indicator, and yes, I’ll keep bitg about that. The green wave of ic Fme raged forward, but no sword sliced through. I almost burst into genuine ughter—not this pained, manic fake one I had going on. Almost. My joy was bashed short as a white marble fist shot through the fmes and smashed into my chest. My left tit exploded into bck goo as the fist followed through, my ic spell fizzling out just in time for me to notice the cymore dude off to the side, utterly unharmed, just standing there looking unimpressed. My eyes gnced forward, and I noticed the axe-wielding statue whose fist was buried in me.

  “Not even a drink first?” I wheezed with a cough and a chuckle.

  He lifted me off my feet and flung me off his fist like I was a baseball, sending me crashing into the far wall with a siing spt.

  Fuck!

  I—I think these three are beyond me.

  Surprisingly, I mao stay scious again; that Sleep immunity roving to be a blessing. As fast as I could, I reformed my body—not swaying… okay! Yes, I was swaying like a drunk, again! Still, I kept my gaze locked on my two oppos—

  “Wait, where’s the cymore dude?” I squeaked, gng left and right, not finding him.

  A shadow flickered across the ground, and my head snapped up. Above, a desding figure, sword held high, careened down at me.

  “Oh, hell no!”

  In utter panic, I luo the side and rolled just as the statue smmed into the ground like a fallieor, stone and sand exploding everywhere. The impact seumbling, narrowly avoiding the crushing blow. As quick as a dazed drunk could manage, I cmbered to my feet, ched my hand into a fist, and doubled down on my tactic that worked against the chimera. With a surge of desperation, I Burst forward, aiming straight at the atue.

  These fuckers were a lot bigger than me, so I had to punch up to hit my target, and hit it—or them—I did! My fist ected with a sloppy spt as it liquified down to the wrist. For a long moment, I thought my passives were kig in, as not only was I frozen, waiting to see the effey damage, but so was Mr. V-shaped abs. As the dust settled, I grew more fident that Paralysis was doing something. I looked up, and noticed the statue’s head slowly moving—which I didn’t think should happen if my skill was w—its eyes trag the path from my outstretched arm, down to where my wrist had melted around its floppy, carved junk.

  “Ha. Ha,” I chuckled awkwardly, “I’m not judging, but you’ve got to be cold. Holy, that size isn’t doing you any justice.”

  Still chug to myself, I started to yank and yank at the remains of my hand from his limp carved shaft and berries; it came free with a su-like pop, sendiaggering back. Gng at the statue, which was utterly unharmed and still rock-hard—literally, though embarrassingly limp.

  “Oh, your poor wife,” I muttered, tossing in a quote from my favorite superhero.

  The statue wasn’t amused. With a fsh of marble fury, he snapped out with a free hand, grasping my head, lifting me off the ground, and hurling me over his shoulder. Uhe wannabe Hercules statue, he didn’t aim across the stadium but straight down. I hit the ground with a rolling spt, ref as I tumbled, then def, and ref again in a spstick sequeil I finally came to a stop not far from the chimera’s rotten carcass. A me tell you, despite everything, it smelled absolutely amazing!

  With a groan, I stood, stumbled, fell, then finally mao stay upright, my head wobbling bad forth like a deranged bobblehead. That uional swaying must have saved my ass—or at least my head—as a massive golden spear whizzed past my cheek, striking the ground beside me. The impact sent a golden shockwave that bsted me a few meters forward in anraceless tumble as searing pain rocked my body.

  Scrambling to my knees, I caught sight of the statue with the unnaturally boung breasts; she had hurled her spear at me. As I assessed my grim options, it was clear: none of my skills seemed effective against them, and my passives were about as useful as a bra on a marble statue. Actually, she could use a bra. Whatever! I was royally screwed.

  That was the only thought in my mind as the busty statue charged, her circur shield raised like the hammer of a wrathful goddess, ready to smash me into the ground.

  If I’m going to die, I suppose getting smashed by her isn’t the worst way to go out. I mean, dying while smashing?

  Talk about going out with a bang!

  I sighed, accepting my immi demise. With my big girl panties pulled high, I didn’t flinch or cry as the end loomed near; she brought that shield down with such force it would have spttered me into mere droplets—I doubted I could e back from that. However, just as it came crashing down, it stopped with a massive thud, as if it had hit an invisible barrier.

  Squinting with Mana Focus, I noticed mana swirling around the shield in eborate swirls, coalesg into the form of a blue hand no bigger than my own. The most shog part was that a single fiip held the massive shield back as though it were merely bang a sheet of paper.

  The mana tio dense, shaping an arm, then a shoulder, and finally a bare breast until, before me, stood a glowing blue woman. Wisps of pink vapor puffed in and out of existence arouhereal form, trasting sharply with her hair, which glowed a vibrant pink with whimsical blue flickers drafting through. But it was her eyes that caught me—their bright pink gre judging me as they looked down. Yes, I was on my knees before this apparition, but it wasn’t out of worship; it was because the arena was still spinning in my dazed head.

  The woman rolled her eyes at me—actually rolled them.

  “It’s too soon for you to die here,” she said, her tone dripping with dession, as if talking to a child.

  It was then that a memory, fleeting as if glimpsed in a dream, tickled the bay mind.

  “Do I know you?” I blurted out, nearly hicg through my stupor.

  The ethereal woman shook her head, annoyance flickering across her glowing face. All I wanted was to take a nap, but couldn’t—stupid immunity—as I blinked away my fusion.

  “I believe the name you have for me is, ‘t’?” she hissed.

  “Oh!” I snapped my fingers in reition, “You’re that t!”

  Her eyes narrowed at me in threat, but she didn’t act as the shield creaked and groaned against her fingernail while the massive stone woman tried and failed to squash Magic. She flicked her nail with a sigh, sending the marble woman tumbling off bance.

  The other two came charging, ons raised, when a burst of power suddenly filled the stadium. The hing I khe three marble figures were crashing against the coliseum walls, bringing down pilrs as around them.

  Magic turned bae, and I won’t lie, I may have peed a little.

  “These three aren’t dungeon bosses but the guardians of the dungeon core,” Magic stated.

  “Well, they did a shitty job at guarding the core then,” I snorted.

  “Bme the denizens of the Ockpool for removing the core from this pd pg it within their pathetic city,” she scoffed as her body started to evaporate. “Now, do as I’ve instructed arieve that core,” she anded, gring at me before disappeariirely.

  “Hey!” I called out. “ I get some kind of mana indicator for this stupid system?”

  Silence.

  “Yeah, didn’t think so,” I grumbled, trying to stagger to my feet. “Fug t,” I added.

  Gng around, I noticed the three statues slowly shiftih the rubble—clearly not dead!

  Maybe I should hurry up ahe fuck out of here.

  My eyes nded on the chimera carcass just lying there, and a smile spread ay face.

  “Maybe a quick bite before I go.”

  I gnced over to Redtail and noticed—

  He bolted…