Chapter 5: I Unintentionally Invented Tax Evasion and Now I’m a FugitiveI woke up this morning with a simple goal: absolutely no internet.

  After yesterday’s Sneeze War Debacle, I had sworn a sacred oath to myself—do not check the forums. Do not interact with the lunatics. Live a normal high school life.

  So naturally, I checked the forums.

  Because I have zero self-control and am a certified idiot.

  999+ new messages.

  Ah.

  Here we go again.

  I sighed and clicked.

  Username: High Priest Eldrin“Oh Great One! We are in trouble!”

  Oh, fantastic.

  Username: Yuuto“…What happened now?”

  Username: Sir Gareth the Brave“The Kingdom of Zaltron is demanding we pay a ‘Toast Tax!’”

  Username: Lady Mirabelle“They cim that since we eat Holy Toast daily, we must contribute to their ‘National Breakfast Fund!’”

  I stared at my screen in sheer disbelief.

  This was not happening.

  These people… had somehow dragged me into a tax dispute.

  Username: Yuuto“Okay. Okay. Let’s stay calm. What exactly is the tax?”

  Username: High Priest Eldrin“For every slice of toast, we must pay 3 silver coins.”

  Username: Yuuto“…You guys eat toast EVERY DAY, right?”

  Username: Sir Gareth the Brave“Three meals a day, in your honor!”

  I did some quick mental math.

  That meant—

  Every single citizen was paying NINE SILVER COINS A DAY JUST TO EAT TOAST.

  That was insane.

  Username: Yuuto“This is the dumbest tax I’ve ever heard of.”

  Username: Lady Mirabelle“What shall we do, Oh Great One?”

  Username: High Priest Eldrin“Shall we start another holy war?”

  I threw my head back and screamed into my pillow.

  NO.

  NO MORE HOLY WARS.

  I needed to stop this before they turned tax evasion into a divine crusade.

  I sighed and typed.

  Username: Yuuto“Listen. You don’t need to pay this tax.”

  Silence. Then—

  Username: Sir Gareth the Brave“Truly? The Great One has spoken!”

  Username: Lady Mirabelle“Then… we shall REFUSE to pay!”

  Username: High Priest Eldrin“TO HELL WITH TAXES! ALL HAIL THE HOLY FRAUD!”

  Wait. What?

  Before I could crify, messages flooded in.

  Username: Lord Reginald of Zaltron“BLASPHEMY! YOUR GOD TEACHES TAX EVASION?!”

  Username: Sir Gareth the Brave“The Great One has decred all taxes unholy!”

  Username: Lady Mirabelle“We shall forge underground markets where toast may be sold in secret!”

  Username: High Priest Eldrin“The Great Toast Bck Market begins now! Let the illegal breakfast trade flourish!”

  I felt my soul leave my body.

  I had accidentally created a massive, kingdom-wide toast smuggling operation.

  This was not what I meant.

  I quickly typed—

  Username: Yuuto“WAIT. THAT’S NOT WHAT I—”

  Too te.

  Username: The Dark Lord Makar“Yo.”

  I punched my desk with my fist.

  WHY. WHY. WHY IS HE HERE AGAIN?

  Username: Yuuto“WHAT DO YOU WANT.”

  Username: The Dark Lord Makar“Oh, nothing much. Just wanted to thank you.”

  I squinted at the screen. What now.

  Username: Yuuto“…For what?”

  Username: The Dark Lord Makar“Well, ever since you blessed my bakery, business has been BOOMING.”

  Oh, right. I accidentally blessed the Dark Lord’s bakery yesterday.

  Username: The Dark Lord Makar“In fact, my new best-selling product is called ‘The Tax-Free Loaf!’”

  Username: Yuuto“…I’m afraid to ask.”

  Username: The Dark Lord Makar“It’s simple. I bake bread with a hidden compartment inside where smugglers can store toast to avoid taxes.”

  I screamed.

  The literal Dark Lord had turned my accidental tax advice into an entire underground crime syndicate.

  Username: Yuuto"YOU ARE ACTUALLY COMMITTING FELONY."

  Username: The Dark Lord Makar"No, it's alright.The king can’t prove anything.”

  Username: Yuuto“YOU’RE PRINTING ‘TAX-FREE LOAF’ ON THE PACKAGING.”

  Username: The Dark Lord Makar“…Okay, fair point.”

  I slumped into my chair.

  This was not my life.

  I was just a normal high schooler.

  I should NOT be running an illegal breakfast empire.

  One Hour LaterI had finally calmed everyone down.

  No more smuggling. No more bck markets. No more holy wars over breakfast.

  Everything was fine.

  Until—

  BANG BANG BANG!

  I jumped.

  Someone was knocking on my actual front door.

  Who the hell—?

  I opened it.

  A man in a bck suit and sungsses stood there. Holding a clipboard.

  “You Yuuto?” he asked.

  “…Yes?”

  He handed me a letter.

  “This is from the Royal Tax Agency of Zaltron.”

  I opened it.

  My eyes bulged out of my skull.

  "Dear ‘Great One,’ You are hereby under investigation for grand-scale economic fraud, illegal breakfast distribution, and high treason. Please report to the Zaltron Tax Office immediately. Failure to comply will result in divine extradition. Sincerely, The IRS (Interdimensional Revenue Service)."

  I dropped the letter.

  I was wanted for TAX FRAUD in another dimension.

  I looked back at the agent.

  “…I can expin.”

  He adjusted his sungsses. "Yes, indeed."

  And then—

  A portal opened up beneath my feet.

  I fell in.

  Screaming.

  To my imminent trial for breakfast-reted crimes.

  TO BE CONTINUED…