" . . . . My beautiful boy, the new heir of Fellmor, Prince Cassander!"

  the minute I heard that name instead of mine, the world had less meaning, my memory became fuzzy.

  so I barely remember who or how I got into my room, why I picked up a pair of scissors and decided to chop my hair off.

  I guess ter on I could tell you I most likely thought that the only reason I kept it long was because of father.

  "I don't like having long hair daddy" little Maximina says yelping when her nanny pulled at another knot.

  "Why is that, Mina?" her dad asked "it's quite lovely despite it being your mother's, she needs to dye it, would be prettier that way"

  Maximina hadn't thought it odd that her dad insulted her mom even to her face, it was normal.

  "it's straight, not like it was when it was shorter, Maria said if it's short then it would be almost curly again" Maximina said

  "the better hair you have the prettier you are sweet, and the best Queens have very long hair, you need practice"

  Maximina thought about it for a moment "of course Daddy! I'll have the longest hair ever!"

  My hair was a mess by the time Rowan found me.

  it was uneven, the left side was shorter than the right, resting at chin length, it did look curlier though.

  I guess Maria from seven years ago was correct.

  Rowan knocked lightly then opened the door, looking from the hair on the floor to the mess on my head.

  "oh" he said, then took the scissors "I'll fix this up, drag that chair over here to sit, will you?"

  I dragged the chair over and sat.

  I hadn't cried yet, which was weird, you would assume that when your life purpose is taken away one would cry.

  "its not that bad" Rowan said "I'm not a professional or anything, but we can fix this"

  he made my hair even than told me to wash it and grab a hairbrush, I did.

  Rowan brushed my hair out and talked to me in a soothing voice, told me it would be alright.

  that's when I started to want to cry.

  "is it okay if I do what I think would look best? or do you want to keep it like it is?" he asked

  I stared at my reflection in the mirror, it didn't look like me, not yet.

  "do what you want" I trusted Rowan, even if everything else was wrong.

  "I'm gonna do a mullet" he said cutting strands away.

  "if it sounds like a species of rodent, we can trust it" I say, Rowan snorts.

  when my hair starts to dry, he grabs one of my empty perfume bottles we dumped in Cassander's sock drawers and fills it with water to spray on my hair.

  my head feels so light without all that long hair.

  he's done in around an hour, it looks like me for once, the girl in the mirror.

  girl . . . or not?

  I feel it would be like against some rule to make life altering decisions in times of depression or something.

  I feel the chopped ends of my now wavy hair, too te to think about that I guess.

  I still haven't cried, I didn't cry while we swept up the left over pieces of hair on the floor.

  I won't cry.

  that's what I thought.

  "are you okay?" Rowan asked, sitting down next to me on the bed I somehow appeared on.

  I wasn't.

  I needed someone to scream at about how unfair life was, but Rowan didn't deserve it.

  I shook my head.

  he handed me a pillow, an extra poofy and big one.

  I screamed.

  I don't remember much after that, Rowan was always there, and I guess that I fell asleep and he eventually thought I was fine by myself.

  I guess I was.

  but he always got everything, soon he'd get Sye too.

  when it came down to it, Rowan was the only one who gave back.

  and he'd never leave.