Chapter 3: Punctuation's Broken Thoughts (Part 1)

  Apart from boasting about India's modern-day yogic saints who can supposedly go without food for over a hundred days on the news, I have yet to find another holy person who can forget their stomach by not eating. To me, great breakfasts, lunches and dinners are just as glorious as my bowel movements - they are absolute prerequisites for sustaining this short life of mine.

  The heavens gave us a belly, its original intention was to give us a container that can hold the energy we need, it's not meant for our internal organs to have fun with a ball, in short, the belly should just be like the gas tank of a car, quietly holding fuel under a sturdy iron skin, and shouldn't be running non-stop like an engine. But I don't know why, maybe due to physical development, my metabolism is too active, so that I can't bear the empty stomach that comes every few hours. I feel extremely painful that I already have a heart and lungs that are regularly moving, why does this belly thing not know how to be content with just quietly moving all day?

  Almost all of my income is spent on dealing with its troubles, fortunately, under the influence of my hard work and the kindness of my boss and his wife, I am allowed to handle leftover food. In ordinary logic, this leftover food is not actually leftover food in my opinion. Take fast food for example, Chef Brother must stir-fry a few more dishes every time to avoid not having enough when customers call, and there will always be leftovers every day. Although sometimes the boss puts the rice in the refrigerator or reuses it after a day or two, such instances are not many, so the leftover food is cheap for me. Such meals are simply divine flavors that only gods can enjoy.

  Here is the translation:

  The boss's favorite customers, who always order stir-fries and noodles, would only take a few bites of the dishes on the table. This made the boss extremely happy, as he treated them like his father and grandfather, and enjoyed being their son and grandson. Sometimes, under his generous treatment, I also got to enjoy luxurious food. The boss's signature dish was always delicious and plentiful, especially the pickled vegetables from his hometown. He would only bring it out after the customers had finished ordering, as a complimentary treat for these city folks who couldn't get enough of it but rarely got to eat it. However, I thought the pickled vegetables were just okay, not quite up to par with the authentic ones from my hometown.

  I am unable to describe my gratitude towards my boss, without him I would not be able to maintain my life smoothly. My stomach is too terrible, and I finally firmly believe in the legend of Lian Po, Fan Kuai, and Zhang Fei eating a dou of rice and five kilograms of pork per day. Whenever there's leftover food at the restaurant, I eat it. To repay my boss and live up to my own work, I am working very diligently.

  My cycling skills are top-notch, and I'm extremely fast. If the customer's delivery location is close by, I'll rush over to deliver the meal in the shortest time possible without spilling a drop of soup. Our restaurant's take-out business has been booming, and later on, Ying Ge told me that many customers have called in to compliment our speedy delivery service, saying we're unlike other shops that are slow and sloppy with oil stains all over the containers. The delivery boys from those places also don't have a pleasant attitude. Ying Ge also shared with me that the boss has praised me, saying I bring him good fortune and am truly a talented individual.

  The problem of eating has been solved, but what about the tuition fees for the second year? How to fix it?

  When the winter vacation was approaching, Wenli came to see me once, just a few short sentences, asking when I planned to go back with her, and that her parents wanted me to spend the New Year at their home. I remember that at the time, my mixed emotions made me stare blankly at her, she had become even more beautiful, white and soft, still so fragrant, like the orchids on the top of Bear Mountain. Her gaze was very calm, her tone also very gentle, and in her eyes there was no longer the light of admiration and longing that used to be there for me.

  She seemed to be indifferent when she heard me say I wasn't going back, and turned around to leave. As I spoke the polite words "Do you want me to send you to the station? Give my regards to your parents, be careful on the road", my eyes were fixed on her familiar figure, that familiar tenderness, that familiar fragrance, fading into the distance.

  Heart like a knife cut.

  I knew we were thoroughly finished, although I had known since then that we were about to end, but I didn't expect it to be so thorough and absolute, with no possibility of reversal. All along, she was the only protagonist in my pre-sleep love fantasies, the eternal topic in my dreams. Now, from now on, I have no more reason for foolish hopes.

  What am I, really? Nothing! The dazzling genius that was once limited to the countryside and mountain towns is now nothing in this gathering place of high-IQ talents. There are those who entered university at 12 or 13, and those who graduated with a master's degree at 18. What kind of genius am I?! Good-looking guys are everywhere, with their beards and broad chests filling the classroom, while I don't even have a decent mustache! Rich kids from wealthy families flow in like clouds and water, but my clothes are tattered and worn out. Every time I see those beautiful girls, they look at me with disdain, as if I smell bad. They quickly run away whenever they see me coming, covering their noses in fear.

  What am I? Nothing at all!

  Since I was born into this world, it was destined that I would be like this. I naturally think that as long as I can live, it's already the best. Grandfather Qi and my 63rd generation ancestors' greatest wish for me is to live a good life. Living on is the premise of growth. I don't know when my death will arrive, but I know it won't be later than my 30th birthday.

  It's actually hard for anyone to imagine my sincere enthusiasm for life, because my enthusiasm is time-limited. When living becomes a desperate pursuit in the heart of a child, when survival becomes a lifelong dream for an orphan, when a child is constantly afraid of the end of his life, all logical and philosophical thinking that is detached from this reality completely loses its persuasive power to exist.

  I want to live on! I want to fulfill the great expectations that my parents and ancestors have placed in me!

  I firmly believe that although this world is far from ideal and not the paradise of fairness and justice as portrayed by the media, with darkness lurking everywhere, there are still many good people in this world. For example, those fellow villagers who took care of me with kindness, and the elderly teachers who taught me with patience. In the future, I would get lost in the darkness several times, but I still firmly believe that there are many good people in this world. This belief has thus influenced my entire life.

  Although at that time I was simply unable to correctly distinguish between concepts such as light and darkness, justice and reaction.

  Shi Wei always had one sentence on his lips: "Don't you know? I'm a nine-headed bird!"

  Zhang Haitao always teased him: "You have nine birds, why don't you wear nine shorts every day? Damn it! Whoever marries you in the future will be lucky!"

  Shi Wei is a city boy who grew up understanding human relationships. He told me that society is like a book, everyone reads it but has different feelings and understandings. Everyone uses their own understanding to write their unique chapter in the society around them. I only felt that this guy was a bit like a wise philosopher when he said this sentence. Usually, he would laugh and joke around, causing trouble everywhere, and our roommates would call him the "thief" of Beijing University, the "bad seed" of the department, the "hooligan" of the class, and the "troublemaker" of the dormitory.

  I don't think he deserves this evaluation, if it's used to describe the former Hu Town Mayor who brought me disaster, I would agree more, but I think Shi Wei just does those boring nonsense, not even qualified as a bad egg.

  I've always been puzzled: is it true that each province really has its own unique cultural heritage, and is there a kind of mutual influence and infiltration of personality and even thinking patterns in regions with strong group atmosphere? Hunan people are obviously different from Changsha people. The restaurant owner, Shi Wei, and several Hubei people made me clearly feel their innate cunning was different from our Hunan people's straightforward nature, worthy of the nickname "nine-headed bird".

  But the boss of the restaurant and Shi Wei, these two nine-headed birds, helped me a lot, especially Shi Wei was more selfless.

  Starting from winter vacation, I began tutoring the boss's second-year junior high school son and Shi Wei's cousin. Originally, Shi Wei's part-time job as a tutor was very hard to transfer, but he really couldn't continue to tolerate his cousin - this "stupid to the point of despair!" cousin who never fully understood the knowledge he explained. In order to get rid of this burden for his uncle, he exaggerated my talent, saying I got into Tsinghua University at 15 years old, and successfully passed on this task to me. The boss of the restaurant was different from Shi Wei's lowly kindness, completely out of respect and admiration for me, when he found out that this Tsinghua University student was only 15 years old, he immediately authorized me to arrange all the free time of his son who ranked in the bottom few in class, and also said that if this kid didn't listen, I could beat him.

  Like this, I rode the old single bike that belonged to my boss day and night between the dormitory, classroom, cafeteria, restaurant, take-out place, boss's home, Shi Wei's younger brother's home, occasionally going to the library to exchange books.

  After a year, I grew taller and was already as tall as Shi Wei, but much more robust than him. This made him so envious that he kept asking me what I ate to achieve this. Looking at his scrawny appearance, I sincerely advised him to join me in delivering lunchboxes, promising that within a year, he would be transformed beyond recognition. He responded by saying "You might as well kill me."

  I've been planning and calculating how to make a living in the future. All my old clothes were no longer wearable, and I couldn't not buy new ones. When it was really tough, Shi Wei and others accompanied me to a street vendor outside school, despite their opposition and protests, I insisted on paying for myself and bought two of the cheapest sets of clothes. These two sets of clothes are like my electronic watch, my most treasured possessions.

  Fifteen years old, I'm already fifteen years old! It's just like that, unknowingly, I've become fifteen years old!

  Shi Weihai Tao Liao Ye and roommate Qiu Qin, Cheng Wen Xuan must hold a **ceremony for me on my birthday.

  I've always been the youngest brother, from weight to age to height. In just one year, I quickly increased my altitude at the speed of Wang Hongwen's political career. Under their astonished gaze, my voice became hoarse and I grew a thick black beard. My height jumped to fourth in the dormitory, and my weight leapt to third, reaching 70 kg. So they thought that although I was only fifteen, I fully qualified for a grand celebration, and I had to wear a crown.

  The coronation ceremony was extremely grand, and those invited included Hai Tao's girlfriend Wu Qingfen, who had finally been won over, our classmate Feng Yan (the object of Cheng Wenxuan's affections), as well as Qiu Qin's hometown friend and girlfriend Wei Yunping from the Surveying University. It just so happened that it was a Friday, and my boss gave me the day off to rest and have some fun. Our group arrived at the restaurant on the west side of the campus in high spirits.

  Schools don't sell liquor, if you want to drink, you can only go to restaurants outside.

  After a few rounds of conversation, everyone's topic became more and more extensive, discussing everything without exception.

  Shi Wei raised his beer glass, stood up, and lifted the cup towards me: "Long Bao, I Shi Wei don't have a decent past, but today I want to toast you. I'm being completely sincere in my respect for you. My admiration for you is like the endless Yangtze River..."

  Qiuqin (also known as Wai) was fed up with Shi Wei's constant quoting of Zhou Xingchi's famous line: "Here we go again! Do you want me to finish it for you?"

  "Haha, brother, I'm so happy today!" Shi Wei glared and said: "Come on, Long Bao, if someone objects then I won't waste my breath. Come on, let's toast to you, cheers!"

  He raised his glass with a flourish and brought it to his lips, everyone thought he had downed it in one gulp, but instead he rolled his small eyes at me.

  I've never had a drink before, at least not until today. I just got forced to down a few cups and now I'm supposed to have more? Honestly, this beer tastes like the spoiled rice water from back home. In my hometown, we only drank that stuff when we felt heartburn coming on to help clear out the heat. Even though the beer doesn't smell like alcohol at all, if I had to drink cup after cup, I really don't get what's so great about it.

  Seeing me hesitating, Shi Wei and others cheered: "Drink quickly! Drink quickly!"

  Several girls followed and crowded around: "Longbiao! Look at Shiwei holding the cup for so long, why aren't you drinking?"

  Just drink it then, treat it as rice water. I also stood up and said: "Fine, I'll drink it!"

  The can was empty, and when Wu Qingfen enthusiastically refilled it for me, I still expressed my opinion: "How come this beer tastes like rice water to me? The flavor isn't very good!"

  The Chinese wine culture that doesn't forgive if you don't get drunk is well reflected in Shandong's old big Zhang Haitao. He immediately chimed in, "Longbiao, it seems we really chose the right day today! What's the point of drinking this beer? Today is your ** ceremony, and as brothers, let's just drink baijiu! Let's just listen to you! Don't drink this bitter sorghum water!"

  A string of words immediately put the hat on me to drink white wine, he secretly smiled and turned to shout at the restaurant owner: "Boss, bring me five bottles of Hand Grenade!" He simply didn't let me interrupt and said again: "Longbiao, today you just listen to our arrangement! The big brothers have a lot to say to you!"

  Apart from Shi Wei's intuition that Hai Tao might also implicate himself, Liao Ye, Qiu Qin and Cheng Wenxuan probably relied on the fact that they were also northerners, and chimed in: "Right, Long Bao, we are close brothers, you can't not drink!"

  "Long Bao, I was just about to take advantage of everyone being drunk and have a heart-to-heart talk with you!"

  "Come on, Long Bao, today is your treat! We'll compose three hundred poems and won't leave until we're drunk!"

  ……

  "Don't count me in for the baijiu!" Shi Wei panicked, using his hand to cover up the still unfinished beer glass, "I can't drink baijiu! I have stomach ulcers! Heart palpitations! Appendicitis!" Shi Wei was making excuses while trying to soften everyone's attitude.

  "What's wrong with you? Do you also have cataracts, hemorrhoids and uterine cancer?" Haitao's sly smile immediately foiled Shiwei's plan.

  "Longbiao! You've killed me!" Shi Wei wailed to the sky.

  Several girls were almost laughed to death by these two treasures, only Wu Qingfen whispered to her boyfriend Haitao: "Others can't drink it, don't force them!"

  "Haha, you don't know, Fen, those guys can actually drink a lot!" Haitao said in a low voice, "If I don't get them drunk today, my surname isn't Zhang!"

  I don't know about Haitao's conspiracy, my concept and understanding of wine are completely from books, especially the literati and poets in China for thousands of years have put wine in a very high position in life due to their worship of wine. In Tang poetry and Song lyrics, wine and drunkenness are two words with the highest frequency of use. Didn't Cao Mengde, the ancient hero of the Three Kingdoms era, once loudly exclaim: "What can wash away worries? Only Du Kang!"

  What is my worry? What is my concern? Does anyone know? I couldn't help but mutter to myself: "Those who understand me say that my heart is worried; those who don't understand me ask what I'm looking for. How can I alleviate my worries? Only Du Kang!"

  "Well said!"

  I didn't expect Haitao's multitasking skills to reach such an extreme level. While arguing with Wu Qingfen, Wei Yunping and others, he could still hear my muttering to myself without missing a single word. He immediately found the most sufficient reason to ask everyone to stand up and finish this cup of wine. He loudly repeated: "Our brother Longbiao said it so well today! Those who know me understand that I am worried; those who don't know me, what do they think I'm looking for? What can relieve my worries? Only Du Kang (a type of liquor) can! Come on, Longbiao, come on, Shiwei, come on, Yuchan, Wenxuan, Liao Ye, come on, sisters, let's finish this cup!"

  "Don't you see the Yellow River's waters come from heaven, flowing to the sea and never returning? Don't you see the high halls' bright mirrors reflecting white hair, in the morning like black silk, by evening turned to snow? When a man is full of life, he must enjoy himself, don't let the golden goblets face the moon alone. Heaven gave me talent, it must be used, even if I spend all my money, it will come back again. Roasting sheep and slaughtering cows, let's have fun, we'll drink three hundred cups in one go! Let's drink, don't stop! Sing a song with me, please lend me your ear to listen. The sound of bells and drums, the jade-like beauty, what are they worth? I only wish to be drunk forever, not wanting to wake up. Since ancient times, all the wise and able men were lonely, only those who drink have left their names behind. In the past, Emperor Chen held a banquet at Pingyuan, ten thousand gallons of wine, indulging in wild joy. Why did the host say there was no money? Just go buy some and pour it for you! Five-flower horse, thousand-golden fur coat, I'll take my son out to exchange them for fine wine, with you, to dispel our eternal worries."

  "Come on! Let's go! We'll sell out all the ancient sorrows together!" Shi Wei was stirred up by me and shouted strangely.

  Everyone shouted "Good!" in unison and raised their heads to drink up!

  Haitao slammed the wine glass heavily on the table, got up with extreme emotion and excitement, walked over to me, put his arm around my shoulder and said loudly: "Brother! Good buddy! Well done!"

  The words had barely fallen when Wu Qingfen suddenly pointed at the two people who had just walked into the restaurant and exclaimed, "Huh? Isn't that Zheng Xue? Wow! His girlfriend is so beautiful!"

  Haitao also looked up and saw it, his face suddenly changed, and he immediately turned his body to block my line of sight from behind. Shi Wei and the others also saw it, their expressions instantly becoming unnatural.

  I was back to the gate, I heard the sound and turned my head to look!

  A very handsome man just happened to put his hand down from Wen Li's shoulder and seemed to brighten up, walking towards us.

  I remember Old Qi often telling Dr. Liu that I was his only concern, and whenever Grandpa said this, I could always see a glimmer of light in his cloudy old eyes. Then Dr. Liu would chime in and say: "Yes, it's no use, when people get old and don't have any thoughts about their children and grandchildren, what's the point?

  I've always been somewhat clueless about human emotions. During my childhood and adolescence, my grandfather was my world, and the leopard was my companion. All I could think about was making money, so that I could use it to treat my grandfather's illness. As for studying, it was just something my brain needed to fill the void - aside from making my grandfather happy and realizing there were many more amazing things in the world, it only seemed to serve the purpose of pleasing teachers and making classmates envious.

  I once said that people need to have some spirit, but my understanding of this phrase only went as far as "if a person doesn't have any spirit, they'll become a walking corpse." I couldn't accurately express or comprehend the deeper meaning behind these words.

  But I vaguely feel that this so-called spirit and thought is the premise of our survival. Otherwise, why are there so many suicidal events in the world? Many of these suicides are because they have lost their confidence in survival, lost their reason for living, and it is in despair of life that they take action to end their own lives. How much courage does it take to face death, manufacture death, and step towards death!

  If saying that the despair of life is because there is no longer that bit of spirit and thought that belongs to him, then what exactly is this spirit and thought all about? Is it really that important?

  This, I seem to know, yet seem not to know.

  What about my spirit and thoughts then?

  I think I should have one too, but it seems like I know what it is, yet somehow don't know.

  Up to now, I often miss my grandfather and my parents who are no longer in my memory. My grandfather always says he doesn't have any photos when I ask him for some. It seems like he also misses Wenli, who is no longer mine. I also miss the teachers and fellow villagers who care about me and help protect me. I want to make money in the future to repay them. I also really want to finish reading all the books in my school library, which I think is a treasure trove. I even miss my leopard.

  Isn't this what their elderly said about spirit and thought?