Chapter Three

  I raced out the door with Ethan in tow, one hand cmped around his wrist while the other oised to draw Sptsy at a moment’s notice. My eyes swung bad forth with every step, trying to look everywhere at o was quiet out here. Maybe too quiet? It was one forty five in the m, ahan’s neighborhood was at the edge of a big woods, but shouldn’t there have been, like, crickets? Owls?

  Cut it out, I thought. You’re just being paranoid.

  “If I’m ing with you,” Ethan finally gasped, struggling to keep pace with me, “then I want to know what’s going on.”

  I snorted. “If I tried to tell you even the first tenth of what was happening here, your brain would melt.”

  “Is that supposed to make me feel better?”

  I turned, and the look in his eyes told me he was one wrong word away from yanking his hand out of mine and bolting. Exhausted as I was, would I be able to chase him down and stop him? I didn’t want to take the ce.

  We came to the end of his neighborhood, where the road cut a liraight through the heart of the forest, and I finally stopped. Trees walled us in on both sides, the shadows too thick to see more than a couple feet in any dire. Patting Sptsy reassuringly, I began to make my way more slowly. There was a er leading to an IW station somewhere nearby. McGus had shown it to me on a map before I’d left. Thank chocote turnips I’d actually paid attention this time.

  “You’re not human, are you?” Ethan asked quietly.

  I g him. “You’re not going to try and run, are you?”

  He shook his head, but still had that look in his eyes. I sighed.

  “That thing that attacked your house is called a maiam,” I said. “They feed on ughter, and it’s my job to hunt them down.”

  I paused, w if I should tell him that I fed on ughter too. I decided against it. o freak him out more than he already was.

  “Anyway, you’ve got so much ughter inside yht now that you’re practically an all you eat maiam buffet. Happy?”

  “Not in the slightest.”

  “Good.”

  I paused, looking around. If I remembered McGus’ map right, we were getting close. I held out my free hand and walked more slowly, moving it to the left and right like I was in a dark room and fumbling for the light switch.

  “Now what are you doing?” Ethan demanded.

  “Looking for the er,” I mumbled in reply.

  “The…what?” He looked at the road that stretched out in front of us in a perfectly straight line for miles. “I don’t think yoing to find any ers out here.”

  “Not a er,” I snapped, patience wearing thin again. “er. Uppercase C. A gateway to an alternate — aha!”

  In front of me, my hand vanished from the end of my arm. I’d found the er. Now for the hard part: gettihan through it.

  “You humans live in three dimensions,” I said, pulling my hand back out before he could see. “Height, width, ah. But there are more dimensions out there than you could possibly imagine.”

  Letting go of his hand, ready to chase him if he ran, I stepped backwards so we were standing side by side.

  “These dimensions are all around you, all the time. Pces where they branch off from your reality are called ers. Just like a er in your world keeps you from seeing what’s around it, dimensional ers keep you from seeing what’s in those other dimensions.”

  “I ’t see them,” he said dryly, “but you ?”

  “You already figured out I’m not human. Is that so hard to believe?”

  He looked at me suspiciously. “So, if I ’t see them, how am I supposed to — HEY!”

  While he was distracted, I went in for the attack. My arms went underh his, hooking around his shoulders and reag up to cover his eyes. Ethan screamed in panid tried to force me away, but keeping hold of him was easy. I fight maiams for a living, after all. Wrestling a sixteen year old boy was a cakewalk, even if he was a few ialler than me.

  “What are you doing?” he yelled.

  “Giving you a firsthand lesson on how ers work!”

  I hooked my ankle around his, yanking his foot out from under him, and we began to fall. Making sure to keep his eyes covered, I shifted my weight so that we spun together at an odd angle. When we nded, it wasn’t on dirt, but rock-hard crete.

  “There!” I decred, letting go and rolling off him. “That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

  Ethan was on his feet in an instant, pointing an acg fi me. “You! You’re trying to kill me too! This was all a…”

  His voice trailed off as his brain finally caught up to what his eyes were seeing. Or maybe what they weren’t seeing. The trees, the road, the night sky, everything that had been there five seds ago was gone. Noere in what could only be described as a buhe crete floor led to gray crete walls, which rose to hold up a thick crete ceiling. By far one of the most uninspiring views I had ever seen, but by the look ohan’s face you’d have thought he was looking down oh from the moon.

  “Where are we?” he asked in a stunned whisper.

  “An alternate dimension.”

  “This alternate dimension,” he said ftly, “is a subway station?”

  I scoffed. “Of course it’s not! Don’t be stupid. This is an IW station.”

  “What’s an—”

  Before he could ask, the flan to shake a little. A set of metal train tracks sat at the bottom of a small ledge a few feet away, leading out of a shadowy tunnel. A light appeared in that tunnel, and out of it rolled the IW. Each car was a shial sphere that rolled indepely of the others, like a ga line of giant pinballs.

  “That,” I told Ethan, “is an IW. An Interdimensional Wormtrain. They’re the easiest way to get from one dimension to another.”

  Well, they were if you didn’t have an Escher Cube. Stupid ra…

  Takihan by the hand again, I practically had t him across the station. His eyes were glued to the immobile IW as if he’d never seen anything like it.

  Humans, I thought, rolling my eyes. So easily impressed.

  Luckily, nothing got out of the train. If it had, Ethan might have really had something to stare at. Eventually I mao pull him over to the ticket ter, where the dy inside gave me a bored look. Before she could ask, I whipped out the badge that named me Maiam Hunter for the cil of Shnoob. Her eyes widened, looking me up and down in surprise. I knew what was going through her head. This little punk? The Hunter? She ’t even be old enough to drive! Luckily for both of us, she just nodded silently and printed out two tickets, one for me and one for Ethan. With them in hand, I made for the car.

  “Uh, Henry?” Ethan whispered. “That woman…”

  I looked at him from the er of my eye. “What about her?”

  “She, uh…She had a beard.”

  I came to a dead stop in the middle of the station.

  “Body shaming is not cool, dude,” I said to him.

  “But the beard was made of—”

  “NOT! COOL!”

  I kept walking, leaving him behind to wallow in shame.

  “…snakes,” I heard him mutter.

  The car’s door slid open to admit me, with Ethan hurrying to catch up, aepped in. The floor of the car was built so that the spherical outer shell could roll in any dire around it without us feeling more than a weak tremor. I colpsed into a seat fag away from the door, sighing in relief. As much as I wao, though, I didn’t let myself rex too much. If I did, I’d have been asleep before we’d even pulled out of the station.

  Ethan sat down opposite me, and the doors slid shut. Fshing my badge at the ticket dy had essentially let me hijack the train. It would drop whatever schedule it was on and take us straight to Mauldibamm. There, I could introduce Ethan to the cil, let them gush over me in adoration, and then go home to put this nightmare behind me forever.

  The floor vibrated a little beh our feet as the train began to move, ahan whimpered a little. Whimpered! I couldn’t help but smirk at the way he stared out the window, utterly vihat he was beien by some kind of giaal caterpilr.

  “Dude, chill,” I told him. “These things cut ers like a bean addict cuts the cheese. The ces of anything attag us here are practically ent.”

  While he tio fidget, I leaned my head back against the seat and removed my N.O.S.E., sighing in relief when the red rubber ball popped off of my face. People said you couldn’t feel what they did to you, but I’d never believed it. Sure, it was the kind of thing you could fet you were wearing, like a pair of shoes, but taking it off at the end of a long day still felt—

  “OH MY GOD!”

  I was on my feet in an instant with Sptsy in my hand and adrenaline in my veihan had hopped right over the back of his seat and eering over the top of it, terrified. I looked around, searg for whatever had scared him, but as far as I could tell we were still alone in the car. Maybe he’d seen something…

  Why was he looking at me like that?

  “You- You’re one of those things!” Ethan stammered, pointing a shaking fi me.

  I caught a glimpse of my refle in the window, and realization dawned on me. As soon as I’d removed my Nasally Operated Sember (or N.O.S.E. for short) my human disguise had evaporated. My skin, which had been a healthy pinkish color a few seds ago, was now as white as newly fallen snow. My long brown hair had turned a vibrant blue, a shade that erfectly matched by my lips, the two vertical stripes that ran ay eyes, and the spiderweb-shaped sy forehead. Nothing else had ged — I was still the same awkward, nky fifteen year old girl I’d been before — but I could tell just by looking that Ethan didn’t see it that way.

  I held out my hand, and he fell over backwards to get farther away from me. “S- Stay away from me!”

  I growled under my breath. Nice going, Henry, you cheeseburging idiot.

  “Okay, look,” I said sitting back down, “I’m not a maiam. I’m not going to hurt you.”

  “But you—”

  “You saw that thing at your house!” I snapped impatiently. “If I was one of them, do you really think I would have goo the trouble of putting you on a train if I just wao kill you?”

  That seemed to get through to him, if only a little. Good. I needed him to feel safe around me. We didn’t have to be friends, but he at least had to be fortable that I wouldn’t try to eat him the first time he turned his back. Otherwise I had no guarahat he’d go along with my story once I got him in front of the cil.

  “What are you?” he asked in a hushed voice.

  That was a fair question, I guess. This all might have been just another day at the offie, but Ethan robably w just how many drugs I’d slipped him. But, pickles on ice cream, where do I even start?

  “You said it yourself,” I said after a moment’s thought, “I’m not human. I’m a kon.”

  “A ?”

  I rolled my eyes. “No, a kon.”

  “That’s what I said.”

  “You spelled it wrong,” I snapped. “Now shut up a me—”

  Before I could finish, I was jerked to the side as the IW came to a screeg halt. Blinking in surprise, I looked through the window to see the colorful lights of Mauldibamm twinkling outside.

  “Huh,” I said. “Got here faster than I expected.”

  The doors slid open, and another kon stepped ihan immediately tensed, but luckily he didn’t try to run. The newer’s gaze swept right over him as if he weren’t there, and instead nded on me. I instinctively shrank back as his eyes narrowed. His face was as hard and sharp as jagged stone, ringed by a thin halo of dark green hair, and his eyes were like knives. Battle scars the same color as his hair crisscrossed his face, like a blind guy had tried to carve a tic-tac-toe board into him.

  “Master,” I made myself say with a respectful nod of my head, “let me expin.”

  “Is my watch broken?” he demanded. “I thought I told you to be here in fifteen minutes, and it’s been nearly forty!”

  I ged. “Sorry. We kind of ran into a—”

  “And all this,” his eyes shot over to look at Ethan, “so you could introduce your new boyfriend to the cil?”

  I leaped to my feet, cheeks turning blue in embarrassment. “He’s not my—”

  “I don’t give a damn who he is or why he’s here,” he cut me off. I flinched, half expeg a sp on the bay head. “All I know is that I’m not stig my neck out for you on this one. Whatever you’re trying to do, you’re on your own!”

  Arguments immediately sprang to my tongue, but the dangerous look in his eyes made me swallow them.

  He growled softly and turned on his heel. “Get him up to the Grand Lark. The cil’s been waiting for you.”

  “Yes, Master.”

  With that he left, walking with a pronounced limp, and I let out the breath I’d been holding. That had gone well. Better than I’d had any right to hope for. Oher side of the car, Ethan gave me a wary look.

  “Who was that?” he asked.

  I sighed. “That was Walce McGus, the cil’s old Huerror of Mauldibamm — and my teacher.”

  Takihan by the hand, I led him into the city. Even this te at night, Mauldibamm was wide awake. Strings of multicolored lights reached from building to building, blinking in mesmerizing patters over the streets. Lively music filled the air as every kind of street performer you could imagine pyed, danced, and juggled on the sidewalks for ao care to watot for money — simply because they were kons, and that was what kons did. Despite my fatigue, I couldn’t help but want to join them.

  The lights weren’t the only thing colorful out here, either. Kons of every shape, size, and hair color packed the streets in mobs. Reds, Purples, Greens, and Blues, all together in one pce, mingling together, chatting, shopping. I loved it. That wasn’t to say I didn’t like my real home, but there was something special about Mauldibamm. Being able to walk around without my N.O.S.E. on, not having to hide what I was, was one of the most liberating things I’ve ever felt.

  Ethan, oher hand, looked like he was about to have a heart attack.

  “They’re everywhere!” he whispered.

  I winced as his hand threateo crush mine, his feet dangerously close to tripping me as he practically glued himself to my side. I guess I couldn’t really bme the puy for being so freaked out, but I’d already had a really crappy night. Having t him through town, fling whenever somebody so much as looked at him, was wearing my hin fast.

  Finally, though, we hiked our to the Grand Lark.

  Built oop of a hill so tall that all of Mauldibamm was visible from it, the Grand Lark ainted with vibrant red and white stripes and topped with a ical roof that poio the heavens. If the city below was a circus, with its shimmering rainbow of colors, jaunty musid eg ughter, then the Grand Lark was the big top.

  “Just how many of you…things…are there?” Ethan asked, looking across the city in fbbergastment.

  That’s a word, right? I don’t care, I’m making it one.

  “I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear you say that,” I snapped. “Otherwise, I’d have to push you back down the hill.”

  That mao shut him up long enough for me to catch my breath. Dusting off my clothes as best I could, I turo the two burly Purples who stood outside the Grand Lark’s entrance, eyeing us with btant hostility.

  “Ombo,” I greeted them with a smile. “bo. How are we this m?”

  Instead of answering, the two of them shared a look.

  “Hey, bo,” said Ombo, “we makin’ the usual bet?”

  “That she’s gon in trouble?” bo asked.

  “Nah, that’s a given. How much trouble’s she gonna be in? That’s the question!”

  My teeth ched.

  “Maybe they’ll paddle her,” bo suggested with a cruel grin.

  “Seo bed without supper!”

  “Take away her…uh, what do kids py with these days?”

  “Hirious as always,” I snapped, reining in my anger. Getting into a fight here would ruihing. “Now are you going to let me in? Or am I going to have to tell the cil that I was te because their guards were too busy making bad jokes to do their jobs?”

  They did as I said, stepping aside so that Ethan and I could gh the door, but the grins never left their faces. I purposefully bumped Ombo with my elbow as I passed, but that only made them ugh harder.

  “Oh, Ombo,” bo tio needle me when I was inside, “I think you done hurt her feelin’s!”

  “Looks like she’s gonna cry,” Ombo agreed.

  Tightening my grip on Sptsy, I dragged Ethan through the doors, their ughter ringing in my ears. Let them ugh. Ohe cil got a load of Ethan, their tunes would ge. And not just Ombo and bo’s. Everybody’s. I could deal with their taunts and jabs for one more—

  “Aw, we shouldn’t tease her like that, bo,” I heard Ombo say from outside. “After all, she’s only a Blue.”

  I froze, my eye twitg, a strange mix of burni and freezing cold filling me like I just eaten a tube of IcyHot.

  Only…

  A…

  BLUE?

  I spun, flingihan aside. Sptsy was in my hands before I’d taken a step, fully exteo warhammer form and ready to make banana bread out of their brains. Only a Blue. Those words didn’t just sting, they burned. Ombo and bo were still snickering, not the least bit intimidated. They would be blue once I got doh them, and bd red and—

  “Henry!”

  That voice sliced through my anger, and I stopped half a step from the grinning brothers. Shame doused my anger, and I ged before turning. Theodore Mulch, representative for the Blues on the cil of Shnoob, stood there with his fists on his hips. The big blue paintmark that covered his mouth always made it look like he was frowning, but tonight it perfectly matched the look of disappoi in his eyes.

  “What oh are you doing?” he demanded, crossing the foyer on stumpy legs, e gripped in one hand. “Waving your hammer around like a barbarian in the Grand Lark of all pces! Have you gone mad?”

  I looked dotsy, still clutched in my hand, and shrank her down to ping pong paddle fain. Grandpa Teddy was a good six inches shorter than me — and I’m no giraffe myself — but when he looked at me that way he always seemed to loom taller than Ombo standing on bo’s shoulders.

  “Srandpa Teddy,” I muttered, hanging Sptsy from my belt.

  “Sowwy, Guh Teddy,” bo mimicked. Theave him a look, and for half a sed I thought he was going to snap at them too. That would have been a nice ge of pace. But after a moment’s hesitation, he only shied away from the bigger, purple haired kons. Ombo and bo ughed as he scurried over to help Ethan back to his feet. My cheeks burned blue again. Grandpa Teddy might have been a cil member, but for all the respeybody showed him he might as well have had a Kick Me sign taped to his face.

  “Good heavens!” he excimed, eyes widening whe a better look at me. “What oh happeo you?”

  Just like that, all the pain that I’d been ign came crashing back down on me. “Lousy hunt,” I said, wing. “Ran out of ughter.”

  “Holy, granddaughter, sometimes I think you’re trying to give me a heart attack,” he said, running a hand through his thinning blue hair. He pulled another inhaler out of the inner pocket of his suit and ha to me. “Here. The rest of the cil is already waiting for you. Make yourself a little more presentable, and please try not to embarrass yourself. Okay?”

  He turned and hobbled back through the door he’d e in from, e tapping rhythmically against the marble floor. I sighed, anger, frustration, and guilt all dogpiling on one another for my attention. The inhaler helped a little. A few quick puffs, and energy surged through my veins, pushing back the pain as my wounds began to heal. But as tempted as I was to let it wash all my ouchies and booboos away, I quickly reined in my magic. Right now, I he energy more than the healing. Taking a deep breath, I followed Grandpa Teddy into the cil chamber.

  Somehow, I got the feeling that the hardest part of the night was still to e.