Chapter Four

  My footsteps echoed ominously as I ehe cil chamber, Ethan followiantly behind me. We passed McGus, who stood leaning against the wall beside the door, face grim.

  The cil chamber was a circur room with four raised desks around the edges, each pced in the perfect spot to make me feel like a b rat under observation. Grandpa Teddy was already back behind his desk on the far left. Victoria Verde, representative of the Greens, sat to the right of him, a sharp and sy kon with her green hair tied in a bun so tight I wondered if she could even blink. She gred down at me with pursed lips, like a librarian about to snap at me for using a slice of ba as a bookmark.

  atrion, the Purple representative. Sitting straight backed with her hands csped in front of her, she was the only one who didn’t look upset at being woken up to do their job. I searched those violet eyes for any sign of passion. If I could at least vince her, she would—

  “Now that uest of honor has arrived,” said another voiced, dripping with pt, “ we finally get started?”

  I turo see the kon on the far right. Ichabod Hench, representative for the Reds, sat with his feet propped up on his desk. I groaned softly. Would it have been too much to ask that he be home sick today? A harmless case of violent, untrolble diarrhea would have done us both so much good.

  “Hea Rider, it is two thirty in the m,” he s me. “Whatever you’ve screwed up this time, couldn’t you have waited until a more det hour to tell us?”

  I swallowed hard, trying to ighe way my iines were suddenly determio double knot themselves, and spoke.

  “I need—”

  “The girl has never called on us this early before,” Victoria snapped, giving Ichabod the stink eye. “Whatever has happened, she must believe it is of the utmost importance.”

  I fought to keep my lip from curling. Victoria was a two headed snake, hissing and biting at the same time. Sure enough, as soon as she was done scolding Ichabod, she turned her daggerlike eyes on me.

  “Well?” she demanded. “Don’t waste our time. Tell us why we’re here!”

  I csped my hands behind my ba an effort to keep them from grabbing Sptsy — a nervous habit that had been violently misinterpreted more than once — and took a deep breath. I could do this. No matter how judgmental their eyes were, no matter how hard my knees were knog together, I could do this. I was the Hunter, after all. I did not get scared by a bunch of old, tankerous—

  “Did you fet how to talk?” Ichabod barked.

  “No, sir!” I squeaked, and then immediately blushed blue. Clearing my throat, I said, “Less than an ho tonight, there was a maiam attack at the house of Ethan Griggs, who—”

  “Ah, yes, the human,” Ichabod turo Ethan, who shrank back. “I’m very curious to know why he is here.”

  “Ichabod,” Theodore spoke up softly, “p- perhaps she would tell you if you, ah, stopped interrupting her?”

  The thick armed, potbellied Red gred at him, and Grandpa Teddy shrank back, falling silent.

  “I brought Ethan here for a reason,” I went on. “He’s, well…I think he needs our help.”

  “We don’t interfere in the affairs of humans, Henry,” Patricia spoke up for the first time.

  “Ah, er, beyond resg them from maiams, of course,” Theodore put in.

  Patriodded. “Even so, we have our own people with their own problems to worry about. Our ptes are full, Henry. We ’t devote any time or resources into helping humans.”

  My stomach did a somersault when I saw the others nodding in a rare moment of unanimous agreement. Things rarely went smoothly when dealing with the cil, but this was going especially bad. Waking them up and dragging them to work so early must have put them all in a particurly foul mood.

  It was time to py my trump card.

  “Ethan,” I braced myself, “say hello to the cil.”

  Looking like a rabbit ered by four hungry wolves, Ethan swallowed hard and said, “Um, hi?”

  His power rippled from him in a rainbow colored shockwave. Ichabod and Victoria sprang to their feet at the same time, voices eg each other as they cried out in shock. Prandpa Teddy fell backwards out of his chair. Only Patricia remained sitting, though the way her eyes widened betrayed her shock.

  Ched mate, I thought with a smirk.

  “Incredible!” Victasped.

  “We could feed the ey with that!” Ichabod said. “Boy, what is the meaning of this?”

  Ethan, now looking more freaked out than ever, just shrugged.

  “He was like that when I found him,” I interjected. “I brought him here because as long as all that ughter is in him, he’s going to be a target for every maiam in the try.”

  “We o think of a way to divide it up,” Patricia said. “Make sure every kon in Mauldibamm receives an equal amount. Perhaps we should even wait for those who live outside the city to make the trip here so that we—”

  “To hell with that!” Ichabod shouted, pounding his fist oable. “First e, first serve! We take him outside, make him ugh, and—”

  “And your Reds,” Victoria hissed venomously, “will take it all before anyone else gets a ce.”

  Ichabod turo her indignantly. “What are you saying?”

  “Only that you always find a way to make sure that your kind bes most from anything we do!”

  “Name oime!”

  “People!” Patricia’s voice cut sharply through the argument. She looked at the squabbling representatives like a disapproving nanny. “This bickering is unbeing of the cil of Shnoob. May we please all act e?”

  I smiled a little, but didn’t say anything. Good old Patricia. Since Grandpa Teddy was so timid, she was forced to be the voice of reason here in the Grand Lark. That, I’d often thought, must have been an even harder job than representing her fellow Purples.

  Ichabod’s face turned as red as his hair, but he did as he was told and sat back down. Looking down at Ethan ptively, he seemed to be thinking — something he probably hadn’t done in years. The way his eyes gleamed made Ethan squirm. The other representatives, busy discussing things amongst themselves, didn’t notice as the Red leaned forward, opened his mouth, and…

  Oh, deep fried Twinkies, I thought.

  “Boy!” he barked. “Why did the chi cross the road?”

  Ethan stared bnkly back at him.

  “Because I ate all the others!”

  I tensed, breath hissing through my teeth, as Ichabod roared with ughter so hard he nearly fell out of his seat. g salms, I lowered my eyes to Ethan, praying he wouldn’t ugh himself to death. With that much ughter, and a Red’s full power focused on him, there was no telling what would…

  Ethan hadn’t even cracked a smile.

  Ichabod’s ughter trailed off, and he gred down at Ethan in disbelief. “Why aren’t you ughing?”

  “Because it wasn’t funny,” Ethan answered with a shrug.

  My mouth fell open. Someone could have brained me with Sptsy right then and I probably wouldn’t have noticed.

  “What,” Ichabod growled, “did you just say?”

  “I said it wasn’t funny,” Ethan told him again. “The joke didn’t make any sehe pune came out of nowhere, and…it just wasn’t funny!”

  I took a step back. This shouldn’t have been possible. My people have fed on human ughter for as long as humans have been around, and we’ve gotten good at it. Very good. Kons…well, most kons…have the ability to sense eople think is funny. The stronger you are, the clearer the picture is for you. Reds like Ichabod were at the top of the emotional food , while Blues like me scraped the bottom of the barrel for what little we could get. The fact that Ethan could look Ichabod straight in the eye and tell him that he wasn’t funny…

  What the jelly filled crab legs are you? I thought in astonishment.

  “Young man,” Patricia finally spoke up, “how long has it been since you’ve ughed?”

  Ethan shrugged again. “I dunno. Maybe…eight months?”

  “Impossible!” Victoria sneered.

  “I don’t think I anymore. Not since…” Ethaated, then looked away. “Every time I try, it just…I dunno, it dies before it e out of my mouth.”

  “I see.” Patricia folded her hands, dark purple eyes deep in thought. “It would appear that something has happeo Ethan to lock all of his joy inside him.”

  “Get out of here with that psychology crap,” Ichabod snapped. “You ’t lock your feelings like they’re in some kind of safe!”

  “The evidence is right in front of us,” Patricia insisted, motioning toward Ethan. “Joy is what gives ughter the power we feed on. He clearly has that inside of him, but is uo release it. Like something is holding it inside him.”

  Did the man in the ask do this? I wondered. No, he couldn’t have. I’d felt Ethan’s power while fighting the maiam, long before the masked man had shown up. But then how in the ky peanut butter had this happened?

  Ichabod waved his hand dismissively. “Fine, whatever. How do we get it out of him?”

  “I don’t see that we ,” Grandpa Teddy spoke up. “Not without surgically removing it.”

  Ethan spun around. “WHAT?”

  “He’s kidding,” I said.

  However, Ichabod stroked his thoughtfully. “Would that work?”

  “Of course not, you imbecile!” Victoria snapped.

  The cil began tue again, and within seds the meeting had devolved into another shouting test.

  “I thought you said they were going to help me,” Ethan whispered acgly.

  I grimaced. “They mean well. Most of them. Usually.”

  “We keep him here in Mauldibamm, then,” decided Victoria. “Until he learns how to ugh again!”

  “He’s broken none of our ws,” Theodore argued. “We have nht to imprison him.”

  “It’s not like we’d be throwing him in jail,” said Ichabod. “We’d give him a fortable room, feed him well, all that crap.”

  “Not to mention,” Patricia said, “that maiams will e after him if we let them.”

  My stomach began to sink. If Patricia and Ichabod agreed on something, that meant it was going to happen. They were going to take Ethan away, lock him in a room somewhere until he learned how to ugh again. If he ever learhe look nation ohan’s fae he wasn’t any more excited about this than I was.

  “Exactly,” Ichabod agreed. “It’s for his own prote!”

  “We’ll o severely limit what he wat television,” Victoria said, looking down her him. “And no video games. Ghastly things. That is why he ’t ugh, I would wager.”

  Anger began to build up inside me. They were talking about him like he was some kind of animal!

  “Let him outside twice a day, take him for walks,” said Ichabod, as if to firm my thoughts.

  “And daily tests. Hourly, if we ma,” added Patricia. “Finding out exactly what’s wrong could help speed up his recovery.”

  I ched my fists, shaking with rage.

  “No cell phone. No i.”

  “What do humans eve, anyway?”

  “I’ve heard of a way to judge psychological health through anal pro—”

  “I’LL TAKE HIM!”

  The cil chamber fell silent, and every eye in the room fell on me. I froze. Had…Had I said that?

  “What was that, Henry?” Grandpa Teddy asked.

  “I- I just…well…” I stammered. Panic gripped my heart. “I mean, I…”

  “If you have something to say, girl, then spit it out!” Victoria snapped.

  I swallowed hard. What the green bean casserole was I doing? This hadn’t been part of the pn! Hopefully it wasn’t too te to back out and…I locked eyes with Ethan. So much fear, so much fusion. I couldn’t back out, I realized. Not when that meant throwing him to the wolves.

  “I’ll take care of him,” I said. “Until he learns to ugh again, he stay with me. That way you don’t have to lock him up, and I’ll be near him all the time to protect him from maiams.”

  Ichabod sneered. “I wasn’t aware you were able to override the cil’s decisions, Hea.”

  My mouth curled in a snarl. “You weren’t? Because I thought it was on knowledge that the Hunter has the ultimate say on any decisions that involve maiams!”

  Stunned silence filled the courtroom.

  “Are you sure that’s a good idea, Henry?” Grandpa Teddy finally asked. “That’s a big responsibility, and—”

  “Oh, let the girl do what she wants!” Ichabod spat in disgust. “If she succeeds, then she saves us all a lot of work. But if she fails…”

  He eyed me menagly.

  “…then I think I speak for the entire cil when I say it will be your st failure!”

  I swallowed and forced myself to nod. “Fine.”

  “Are there any objes to Henry Rider being the guardian of Ethan Griggs?” Patricia asked.

  Ethan raised a hand. “Do I get a say—”

  “Then it is settled.”

  “Oh.”

  Theodore leaned forward, ay etched onto his wrinkled face. “Henry, I hope I don’t have to tell you how important it is that you keep that young man safe. If a maiam were to e that much ughter, it would be…unspeakable. I don’t know if even Master McGus would be able to kill such a monstrosity!”

  I stood up straight. “Don’t wrandpa Teddy. I do it.”

  “Well, sihat’s doh,” Ichabod said, standing, “let’s adjourn this meeting. I want to go back to bed!”

  I jump a little, startled. “Wait, adjourn? I’m not do!”

  “Oh, yes you are!” Victoria snapped. “You’ve given us enough to worry about for one night, girl!”

  “But there’s a psychopath running around out there! His ughter is poisonous, and…” My voice trailed off when I realized none of them were listening. The cil members stood, muttering to themselves as if they couldn’t even hear me. I could only watch as they filed out of the chamber, leaving me aloh Ethan and McGus.

  Ethan…the puy almost looked like he would have preferred being locked up by the cil. What was the difference, he robably w? Ripped away from his home and family, sucked into a world of magic s and monsters, and now he was going to live with one? I didn’t bme him o.

  “You did good.”

  I looked over at McGus, and was surprised to see him nodding in approval.

  “Could have fooled me,” I said tiredly.

  “You took trol of the situation and made them give you what you wanted,” he said, then looked at Ethan. “The boy’ll be better off with you than with those idiots.”

  Ethan slumped, looking even more exhausted than I felt. “So I really don’t get a say in any of this?”

  McGus shrugged. “Sure you do. You walk away now, try to take care of yourself, a killed by the first maiam that smells yhter.”

  I frowned, leaning against Grandpa Teddy’s desk. What had I just gotten myself into? I’d brought Ethao make the cil see that good things could happen with me as the Huhey were supposed to walk out of here respeg me. Instead, I’d hacked them off even worse than ever — and gotten stuck with babysitting duty on top of it.

  I looked up when McGus put his hand on my shoulder. “Hey,” he said softly, “I’m proud of you.”

  I met his eyes for a sed, but then looked away. “You don’t act like it.”

  “Yeah, I know.” He sighed and scratched the back of his head. “I’m not good at that. Never have been. But you’ll do fine proteg the kid. I know you will.”

  “Really?” I asked.

  He nodded. “Now go home, get some sleep…”

  He grabbed me by the shoulder and shoved me toward the door.

  “And bring me back my Escher Cube! I want it first thing in the m!”

  Ethan and I exged a long look, but didn’t speak. What was there to say? I motioned for him to follow me, and he did, and together we stepped out onto the hilltop overlooking Mauldibamm. Without the Cube, we’d o walk all the way through the city a sed time and take an IW home.

  Sighing, I pulled out my phone.

  “Henry?” the familiar voice came from the other end. “What are you doing out so te?”

  “Hi, Mom!” I said, trying to sound chipper. “Just some crap with the cil. I’m on my way home.”

  “Is everything okay?”

  “Yeah, uh huh, super-duper. Just, um…” I hesitated, shooting o g Ethan. “Get ’s room ready, okay? We’re going to have pany.”