ChaoticArmcandy

  It was that noble who had grabbed me across the stockroom counter, and that dark-eyed girl from the courtyard.

  I was immediately delirious with terror. They’d dowsed and recognized me. They knew I was kuffa. I was trapped in a dead-end—nowhere to flee. My cover was blown on my first day. Aralia wouldn’t help me—she would be too incredulous that I had been caught this quickly. There was no way she would be willing to forge another legend for me.

  They were still conferring quietly with each other. Then the smaller, dark-eyed girl took a careful step towards me, palms turned up and open—was she going to grab me?

  I dropped the mop with a ctter, and stepped back as she came forward, my hands trembling. The tall redhead kept scanning the far end of the corridor, as if keeping watch.

  The dark-eyed girl was focused on me. “Listen, we just want to—”

  I bolted past her. I was good at running away, good at wriggling away from seizing hands, good at not being caught. I juked away from the redhead, and I was almost—

  “Roxa!” snapped the first girl, and then I smelled sorcery.

  I had time to betedly remember the st time this noble had used her art on me, before I was yanked backwards and upwards, and suspended an inch or two above the floor.

  I squeaked as dark bands blossomed from the air around me. Quick as a whip, they wrapped themselves around my thighs and ankles, and looped themselves around my wrists, which were abruptly pulled behind me and cinched together. More of them quickly wound around the lower half of my face, muffling my mouth.

  The noble finished muttering under her breath. As I made a reflexive attempt to wriggle and twist my way free, she fshed me the grin of a fox eating cake. “Gotcha. No more running from you, little rabbit.”

  Her tone was...friendly? This didn’t make any sense. Then I realized that I wasn’t just suspended in the air—I seemed to be moving? The noble was drawing me back into the room the two girls had just left. I was floating where she directed me, unable to resist. I sagged limply as the helplessness of my situation became apparent. I was well and truly caught. There was nothing I could do. I heard the door close behind me and the voice of the first girl.

  “Roxa! Is this completely necessary?”

  In front of me, Roxa shrugged and grinned. “You wanted to talk to her. And for some reason I don’t think she hates it.”

  The noble winked at me and my cheeks fmed. I mumbled a protest through my gag. It was true—a part of me couldn’t help but revel in this feeling of being helplessly suspended. It was actually quite delicious? I groaned. How had this complete stranger seen through me that easily? Besides, there was no reason to find anything about this situation hot. Why was I like this?

  Roxa drew me to a comfy-looking couch and then tipped me onto it so I was sitting upright, though still completely bound. The other girl joined her so that they were both standing in front of me.

  “Now then,” said Roxa matter of factly, “I’d like to ungag you, but you must promise to be well behaved and not raise a ruckus. We aren’t going to hurt you. Understood?”

  I nodded slowly. Roxa crooked her finger and the bands of sorcery slid silkily away from my mouth. I sat and looked from one to the other with wide eyes, waiting.

  The first girl sighed. “I’m sorry about that, but the corridor is too dangerous a pce to talk pinly in. My name is Mi and this is Roxa. Now, then. What’s your—what would you like us to call you?”

  “Um.” A melting of relief began to happen inside me. “Ellie.”

  “Okay, Ellie.” Mi exchanged a gnce with Roxa. “Firstly, understand this: neither of us would ever willingly turn you in or let harm come to you. In fact, we’d like to help you.”

  “Help me?” I spluttered. “W-why should I trust you? Why are you even doing this?”

  Roxa crossed her arms. “Sorry, Ellie, but you’re not in a position to get full and honest answers from us, just yet. We have the edge on you, and you don’t have anything on us. So we’ll be the ones asking questions, at least for right now.”

  I was suddenly acutely aware of my wrists, bound behind me. I felt my face heat up.

  “Ellie, we do need to know how you got here,” Mi sat next to me, quite close. I squirmed around to face her. “How you became a maid at Stormcroft, and whether anyone helped you, and whether you are beholden to them. We have...enemies, here, you see. We also need to know if you’ve kept silent about that business between you and Roxa at the stockroom.”

  I made a snap decision before she had even finished speaking. I couldn’t hesitate. This was too close to how Aralia had caught me lying.

  “I bought a maid’s commission,” I blurted. My face burned deep red. Something about saying that out loud had flooded me with instant shame. I looked at the floor miserably. Now that the words were out of my mouth, I felt like an imposter, like a child caught pying dress-up—but this was so much worse than when I had been caught trying on Kisma’s clothes, as a kid. “From the bursar. I said it was for my sister,” I muttered.

  These older girls must think me a fake, a counterfeit, a sad and desperate joke. Wrenching loneliness cwed at my heart. They were both actual, real girls that belonged in this House whereas—what was I?

  “I used your, um, money,” I winced. My insides felt like they were plummeting down, like they would drop forever without hitting bottom. “For the bribe.” I hesitated. “I was alone.”

  There. I had lied, and also told the truth. I felt painfully exposed. All I wanted now was to disappear. My throat was tight and aching, my breathing shallow. My whole face felt fragile, like it might crumble at any moment. I couldn’t look at either of them. There was a brief silence. My heart kept sinking, in endless free fall.

  “I-I’m sorry,” I added in my smallest voice, not even sure what I meant, but feeling more wretched than I could bear.

  Mi squeezed my leg. “Ellie, listen, I—you’re not alone, not any more, okay?” Her voice had an odd inflection to it. “It took so much courage and brilliance and love to do what you did. I-I’m honestly so impressed.”

  With a massive effort, I raised my gaze to meet hers, and trembled as the deep forest pools of her eyes caught my plunging descent. A sensation like warm, rippling honey spread inside me and melted the constriction in my ribcage. I drew a deep, full breath and sighed, clinging to her eye contact as if it were a lifeline.

  Mi didn’t look away, for which I was ridiculously grateful. “Let her go, Roxa.”

  The rest of my restraints sckened and fell away, just as I processed that ‘her’ meant me.

  Mi’s simple acknowledgment of my femininity—even with all my desperate, shamefaced lunges towards girlhood id bare before her—nded in my upper chest and reverberated and then I couldn’t see her anymore. My vision blurred and I felt tears sliding down my cheeks. It was like feeling a ndslide happen inside of me—I couldn’t hold my face together, it caved open, and everything spilled out.

  “Ellie—oh, can I hug you?”

  I nodded shakily, and then her arms were around me. My face fit snugly into the hollow of her shoulder. I shuddered with sobs that went on and on, storming through me like waves of rain.

  “The strength of your spirit is beautiful,” she murmured fiercely. “Never doubt what you did, do you hear me? You were just ensuring your own survival.”

  The aching stuckness in my throat was melting like a chunk of ice in spring. I kept trying to apologize—for soaking her shirt, or for breaking down like this, or maybe some other reason—but Mi kept hushing me and I couldn’t hold any of it in anyways.

  The grief that had welled up so ceaseless and overwhelming gradually sckened, and I was overtaken by trembling. With a soft, wordless noise, Mi drew back and I curled shyly into the cushions. She offered me a bnket, which I gratefully huddled into. I felt raw, and empty, wrung out.

  I heard a kettle fussing, and looked over to see Roxa pouring mugs of tea. She passed one to Mi, who accepted it with a murmur of thanks, then came over and knelt down in front of me and did the same. I took it gingerly.

  “T-thank you,” I whispered tremulously. Roxa intimidated me, in several ways. She was extremely attractive, for one. For another, the electric tingle of her grabbing my neck and snarling in my face, and the melty way I’d responded to it, loomed rge in my memory.

  Also, she had just seen me as rawly exposed as anyone had, ever. I found the combination of all these associations…confusing.

  Mi sighed. “Ellie, I know you two have met before, but please let me introduce Roxa again. She’s really fierce and protective of her friends. She’s had my back all the way and I trust her with my life.”

  As Mi spoke, I saw Roxa look at her with mingled awe and wonder and gratitude.

  “Hi,” I said nervously.

  Roxa’s mouth crooked. “Hi, Ellie. I’m sorry to have to ask this, especially right now, but does anyone else know you’re a girl?”

  The same melting relief in my breast. I took a slightly deeper breath. Roxa, too, was signaling that she saw me as I was trying to be seen. Neither of these girls seemed to think I was a monstrous degenerate or a desperate, fake imposter.

  But—this was again veering too close to when Aralia had seen right through me. I knew I probably couldn’t lie successfully. Perhaps holding back part of the truth was safer.

  “Yes,” I said hesitantly. “Someone does. My old roommate in Oakridge.”

  Roxa frowned. “Did he hold that over your head? To compel you?”

  I blushed. “No, I mean—well—we were, um—I, not exactly,” I stammered.

  Roxa’s mouth quirked up at the corners. “I see.”

  “He was...fucking me,” I blurted, cheeks hot. “It wasn’t bckmail, I was—I wanted it, but I. Decided to—” I looked down at my steaming mug. “To hide myself. After that. Well,” I added hurriedly, “Not right away. It took a while to go through with. But I-I haven’t told anyone about the stockroom. I promise.” I looked back and forth between them, willing them to believe me.

  Roxa and Mi looked at each other, but I missed what passed between them. They both turned back to me. Mi squeezed my leg and Roxa nodded. Did that…mean they believed me? I felt tentative relief, along with a twinge of guilt.

  They hadn’t hurt me, they didn’t seem to be taking advantage of me, and they were being indisputably kind to me. Not to mention I held them both in no small amount of awe. Lying to them, even by omission, was already making me feel uneasy. But there had been no time to think about it…

  A bell began to toll. I tensed. I’d completely forgotten about mopping.

  “Well, I am te to a session with my very cute sorcery practice buddy,” Roxa said, standing.

  I cast a look back at the door. “I’m supposed to be cleaning?”

  “No,” Mi said firmly. “You will rest for at least the time it takes to drink a cup of tea.”

  The insistence in her voice reached right into my sternum and plucked a chord that reverberated, warm and glowing. I sighed and sank back down obediently. How easily these two near strangers had elicited an easing response in my body, in just the past few minutes…

  I felt like a cat leaning into a stroking hand. I felt…safe?

  I yawned. Yes, I would just finish this tea, and then get back to mopping…

  ChaoticArmcandy