Waking up in my bed in a room that, for all intents and purposes, wasn’t mine was just as disorienting the second time it happened, and then I remembered how I’d fallen asleep. I was still ensnared in the body-length bands of silk, preventing me from moving more than a wiggle, and… yes, Serenity Paradox was still stuffed inside me, a vicious little threat, promising to rip me apart if my channeling wavered.

  I could feel the channel, though. It was just as firm and stable as it had been when I’d established it st night, begging and pleading with my Source for some kind of link to form long enough for me to breathe and cry without it costing me even more torment.

  The world took pity on me. It took me an uncomfortable amount of time – and repeating Serenity Paradox’s instructions more than once – to figure out how to channel power into anything but a spellform, but keeping the connection established turned out to be surprisingly simple – my power almost wanted to connect with Serenity Paradox, just like it had wanted to form another connection with Lheisatha.

  I wasn’t just sucking up for extra credit. It had been important to connect myself to both. As the familiar ritual had made me keenly aware, there were limits to how much power I could hold and process at once, and I was sure Serenity Paradox was the same. If I kept pulling indefinitely, then maybe we wouldn’t overload ourselves in the middle of the night. But Serenity Paradox would fill up at some point, and then either the connection would back-flow into me, or Serenity would have to forcibly vent some of the energy I’d put just in. Neither option seemed especially healthy.

  Lheisatha had said her reserve was gigantic, and I believed her. If I had to keep pulling energy indefinitely, then dumping as much of it as I could into her was at least the safest option. And if it kept her happy as a side-benefit? Good. Maybe it’d help lower her guard so I could get out of here that much sooner.

  I was trying to decide what to do about being awake when something stirred next to me. Someone. I hadn’t thought to question my pce in the bed because I was used to sleeping on my side, but the feeling of Lheisatha stirring behind me made me realize I hadn’t just been sleeping on my side. I’d been sleeping with a kaiju-turned-sve-taking-spider-woman wrapped around me.

  Very wrapped around me. Now that I was paying attention to the sensation, each of her hands was cupping one of my breasts over the bands of silk, and one of her legs was draped over mine, pulling us tightly together. And that warmth on my ass must be –

  Oh. We were sleeping very close together. And Lheisatha apparently didn’t believe in pajamas any more than she believed in any other form of clothing.

  And sleeping was definitely something we had been doing, not something we still were. The minor shifts and twitches of Lheisatha’s hands on my breasts were slowly revealing themselves to be more rhythmic than random, and her hips didn’t seem like they were just naturally grinding up against my exposed ass.

  “Good morning, pet.” Lheisatha whispered in my ear, and I shuddered at the feeling of her breath on my ear. Too close. She was too close, and I didn’t want her touching me with her freaking cw-hands. I didn’t want to be anywhere near her. Fuck, why was she even so close to me? Did she even need to sleep?

  “It’s a spider thing, pet. I like cuddling with my food.”

  I whimpered. God, that was all I was to her, wasn’t it? She was keeping me around for my Source and on-demand sex. God, and she was going to make me do something today. I hadn’t paid much attention to what I was sending down the bond to Lheisatha st night, but I could feel her simmering hunger now, creeping down the bond like her hands were creeping down my –

  I gasped and twitched against Lheisatha as her cws touched exposed skin. After the muted contact of her groping me through the silk, it was shocking how much more sensitive my actual skin was. Especially since it wasn’t just any exposed skin she was touching.

  “You did well with your lessons st night, pet. Did you earn some relief? Should I take your toy out?”

  I moaned my agreement and nodded repeatedly. God, yes, I wanted Serenity Paradox out of me. Even if I wasn’t as worried about it suddenly reactivating, it was still a solid, hard object that had been shoved into a sore, tender part of my anatomy. I wanted a moment of rest. I wanted to pretend I was going to get a chance to heal. I wanted all of it enough to tolerate Lheisatha’s cws on me.

  “Hmmm. I’m not sure I’m convinced.”

  Lheisatha’s fingers crept further and further past my hips, a ticklish skitter that had me squirming against her. She purred in my ear as my ass ground against her hips again, and one hand released its taunting exploration of my skin to pull me even tighter against her. All the while, her other hand continued onward, closer and closer to my core.

  My stomach flip-flopped. It was disgust – it had to be. It wasn’t fair that Lheisatha could touch so much of me so easily. It wasn’t fair that she could do whatever she wanted, and that it felt so – no. No. I strangled that thought. I hated it and I hated her.

  “I’ll make you a deal, pet.” I moaned through my gag as Lheisatha’s teeth grazed the side of my neck. A deal would be bad. I was sure of it. Lheisatha didn’t need to make deals with me to get what she wanted. She was already getting it without much effort.

  “Mmmmnf.” I tried to signal my agreement anyways. I didn’t know what she wanted, and it was probably going to be awful. But it might be better than this.

  Lheisatha’s touch danced over my skin, coming dangerously close to my clit. I tried edging away, but the only pce I could go was back, tighter against the rest of her, which was no escape at all. Closer her fingers came, and closer again, and in smaller and smaller circles. And then she paused, no longer touching. I could still feel it, her cws hovering over me and waiting to strike. The next touch was going to be on my clit. My swollen, needy clit. And it was going to make me –

  “You can have your Crystal out, Pet. If you promise to be a good little girl for the rest of the day,” Lheisatha whispered in my ear.

  I shuddered at the feeling of her breath against my skin. My core clenched and tightened around Serenity Paradox again, and I wanted to cry. As much as Lheisatha’s touch was affecting me, it wasn’t magical. I’d still been forced to clench against the unyielding facets of my Crystal all night long, and no amount of tickling my clit was going to soothe my aching muscles.

  I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t spend another day trying to survive with Serenity Paradox inside me. Whatever being a good girl meant, it had to be something different. I was sure I’d hate it just as much, but right now, the hope of relief was more important.

  “Mmmnf.” I moaned against the gag and nodded my agreement.

  “Good. Now sit still.”

  I felt Lheisatha’s hands move, gliding back up and across covered skin again. One caressed my lips as the other slid though my hair, and then she slowly pulled the gag out of my mouth. As I swallowed the st of my drool, she slipped the blindfold off my head.

  Now that I could finally see, I was able to watch Lheisatha’s hands drift down across the center of my chest. She extended a cw and flicked it over the silk bands, splitting them open. Her other hand found its way to one of my newly-freed breasts and continued massaging and kneading them, just like she’d been doing when I awoke. I gasped, unprepared for the increased sensitivity of her cws my skin, but I kept still and let her touch me as much as she wanted. She hadn’t said so, but I assumed that was part of what being a good girl included, no matter how much her touch made my skin crawl. A wave of approval down the bond confirmed I was right.

  When she reached the end of the silk at my hips, Lheisatha slid out from behind me. She caught my bound legs and lifted them up to her shoulder, rolling me onto my back. She stroked my legs appreciatively as her cws slid down the center of the silk and split it open.

  “Very good, pet,” Lheisatha purred. She kissed my ankle, then dragged her teeth along the skin. “Now be a good girl and spread your legs for your Mistress.”

  I bit my lip. I didn’t want to voluntarily expose myself to the evil woman staring down at me. It was one thing to feel Lheisatha’s cws on me, but this was different. Lheisatha was making me choose to show her my body, something I’d never done for anyone before. Sure, I could tell myself I was being coerced. At some point in the future, I might even believe it. But right now? I could still feel the sharp edges of Serenity Paradox inside me, where it had been tormenting and scraping my pussy raw all night long, and I wanted it out of me. That was a choice. I could have chosen to lie in bed, tied-up and fucking myself with my Crystal. Instead, I was choosing to open myself up for Lheisatha and whatever new, fucked-up game she wanted to py, and then py along.

  I’d been too exhausted to think through anything, but if I’d wanted to, I would have had an out. I could tell myself I was a victim and ignore everything that happened afterwards as not my fault.

  Lheisatha wasn’t just forcing me to have sex with her again – well, she was, but that wasn’t the thing holding me back – she was shredding an escape route. Whatever happened next, and however I dealt with it, I wouldn’t be able to look myself I was completely innocent. I wasn’t a victim anymore. I was an active participant.

  I squeezed my eyes shut. I was going to do it. I was going to do what she told me to do. I was going to cooperate and be Lheisatha’s ‘good little girl’ because I wanted my body to stop hurting more than I needed my dignity. But giving up dignity wasn’t the same thing as giving up my pride, and even if I had to suffer through the humiliation of pretending I was enjoying my viotion, I didn’t have it in me to endure Lheisatha gloating about it at the same time.

  I bit my lip to stifle the sob I felt building up inside of me. I could do this. I wanted to do this. It wasn’t anything Lheisatha hadn’t already seen, anyways. I could do this. I just needed to move – move – come on, Emma, just do it already!

  I lifted my right leg from where it sat on Lheisatha’s shoulder and slowly spread it past her head and down towards the bed. I wasn’t flexible enough to keep my legs spread wide while keeping them extended, but I could pull my knees up while keeping them to the side and still show Lheisatha everything.

  I was completely exposed. I could Lheisatha staring down at me while I y below her like a fucking submissive puppy. I took another jagged breath and tried to beat the panic back down. She was going to touch me. I knew she was. She was going to touch me, and I was going to let her and –

  “Emma,” someone said, like it wasn’t the first time they’d had to. Lheisatha. She was the only person it could be, and she was saying something.

  “W-what?” I asked. My voice was weak, but at least I wasn’t crying yet.

  “Emma,” I heard her say. “Open your eyes.”

  “Please, no,” I whimpered. “I’ll be good – just – please – “ God, why couldn’t she let me have this? I was doing what she’d said – wasn’t that enough? Why did she have to mind-control into watching her while I did it?

  But she had, and I didn’t have a choice. Whatever Lheisatha was doing to me, she could still do it. I blinked away my tears, clearing the blurriness out of my vision, and…

  She was staring at me. I was right, she was leaning over and staring down at me, and I could tell she was appreciating some of the view. But it wasn’t… leering? There wasn’t the edge to it that I’d expected, the one that said she was even more turned on by my shame. Lheisatha was looking at me with a happy, contented smile, like submitting to her was the most natural thing in the world, and she was pleased to see some evidence that the world agreed.

  I felt tears gather again at the corners of my eyes. I didn’t agree. I didn’t want to submit, didn’t want anything to do with her. This was just the best of the bad options she was giving me, and I was too sore and punished to fight back.

  For now, I promised myself. Too sore for fighting back, for now.

  Lheisatha cocked an eyebrow at me, and I wanted to groan. Of course she heard me. Through the bond, she heard everything. I needed to get used to that, and it needed to happen immediately.

  “Maybe you still need to learn how a good girl behaves, pet. Do you need that?”

  “No, Mistress,” I said immediately. Comply. Do what she wants. Do whatever she wants as long as it gets Serenity Paradox out of you now.

  Lheisatha made an unconvinced sound and stared at me consideringly. A moment passed. And then another. And then the corner of her mouth twitched upward. Her expression regained some of the edge I’d been dreading.

  “Why don’t you convince me, pet?”

  “I – what?” How would I even do that?

  “Mistress.”

  “Mistress!” I betedly added. “How can I convince you I’m being a good girl, Mistress?”

  “Good girls tell the truth.”

  “I – “ What? I couldn’t think of any times that I’d lied to her.

  Lheisatha sighed.

  “Stick your finger into your cunt.”

  “I – “

  “Now, pet.”

  I whimpered again, but still raised a hand from where it y by my side and slid it over hips and towards my pussy. Lheisatha’s face was stony as she waited. I wanted to shrink up again. I wanted to misbehave so she’d wrap me back up in silk. I wanted to go back in time and push myself under one of Lheisatha’s legs. Or maybe just off the top of a tall building.

  But when I looked at Lheisatha’s face, I knew wanted her not-angry more. I wanted her to let me stop hurting. When she was angry, I was going to wish I was dead. I knew it.

  I slid my finger over my clit and down the folds of my pussy. I felt it right away, what I’d been dreading and hoping for. I was soaking wet, and my finger slipped right in. I gasped as my core clenched again, compressing itself against Serenity Paradox. It hurt. But with my finger’s intrusion, it didn’t hurt as bad. No, that wasn’t it. It hurt just as bad, I just didn’t care as much. Pleasure was stirring again, and my body wanted to chase it too badly to pay much attention to pain.

  “It’s wet, Mistress,” I said. Her smile, the one with the edge, reappeared.

  “I know, pet. Start rubbing your clit.”

  My finger was out of my pussy and rubbing circles around my clit, almost before she was done speaking. Sparks flickered along my spine and began gathering.

  “Does that feel good, pet?”

  “Yes,” I murmured. It did. It felt good – and it was the first time in hours I hadn’t also hurt. The relief from that second part was breathtaking.

  “Yes, what?”

  “Yes, Mistress,” I quickly corrected myself, and then quickly stifled a moan. The flickering sparks were getting stronger. Lheisatha’s attention had already worked me up, and a little bit of time with her cws off of me wasn’t enough to undo that.

  My hips rocked back and forth, trying to grind against something that wasn’t there. My body could still feel Serenity Paradox inside me, but it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t moving, and my pussy wanted to get fucked. Well, but maybe if I –

  “No.”

  Lheisatha spped my reaching hand away. But – but that wasn’t fair. I wanted something more. I was doing what she’d told me. I was being a good girl. Surely, I could just pull on Serenity Paradox a little? If I could just get a finger on it, I could start working it out, and then I’d be that much closer to cumming, and that much closer to empty. That was me being good, right?

  “Both hands up,” Lheisatha commanded. I obeyed automatically, before realizing what that meant for the pleasure I’d been feeling. It started fading immediately, leaving me a burning mess. I was going to – I wasn’t going to get to cum! Again! Why? Wasn’t I doing what I was told? I felt a pout beginning to form – an honest-to-God pout. Somewhere in the back of my head, next to the discomfort and pain I was currently ignoring, a remnant of my consciousness shook its head in disgust.

  Which I probably deserved. As the heat of an oncoming orgasm faded into disappointment, I couldn’t help but realize that this was now the second time I’d gone from plotting defiance to a cum-drunk slut as soon as pleasure hit my system. That was going to be a real pro –

  SMACK

  I screamed as Lheisatha’s hand spped down on my exposed pussy. The sensation was overwhelming. It should have hurt – it did hurt – but the intensity of it quickly transcended pain into something indescribable. It was an impact that shook through me, jerking me out of my thoughts and back to reality.

  “You only will cum when I say, and how I say. Do you understand?” Lheisatha growled at me.

  “Yes, Mistress.” I frantically nodded my head. I didn’t think I could take another sp to my pussy. Not after st night.

  “Good. Keep going.”

  I did what she told me. I put my fingers back over my clit and found my rhythm. As I moved, I could feel the glossy carapace of Lheisatha’s fingers near mine. They were close to my pussy, almost resting on my lips, but she’d curled them up like she wasn’t going to use them.

  My hips rocked and I realized what she was doing. Serenity Paradox had a lead on it, or something, so that she could pull it out when she wanted.

  But she wasn’t. She was waiting for…

  My hips rocked again. Fire licked deeper into my core.

  “Mistress, I’m getting close,” I whimpered.

  “Keep going.”

  I moaned again but kept moving my fingers. The muscles in my core were tightening. The pressure inside me tensed and coiled in on itself.

  “Hold it, pet.”

  I did. I held myself away from the edge even as my fingers kept dragging me closer. The pressure coiled tighter.

  “Hold it.”

  My back arched. Every breath was a moan. I was awash in fire, so close to letting go and burning everything down.

  “Mistress,” I pleaded. Any second now, I was going to break. Any second.

  “Are you a good girl, pet?” Lheisatha asked me.

  “Yes, Mistress. Please, yes, I’m a good girl,” I begged. I hoped it was true. I hoped I could make it. But I wasn’t going to. I could feel myself slipping over the edge.

  “Cum.”

  My body released in a flurry as I came. Lightning bsted through me. I clenched and unclenched and shook and –

  Lheisatha pulled suddenly, ripping Serenity Paradox out of me. As uncontrolled as I was, I squeezed even harder at the sudden movement, the pressure dragging Serenity Paradox across every sensitive spot in my pussy.

  My neck locked up. My jaw fell open. Was someone screaming? I couldn’t hear. I fell backwards and I saw white.

  The ceiling was right where I left it, I thought as my thoughts dragged themselves back together. It was up, and because it was up, I was down. Down on the bed that I was sharing with –

  I jolted upright. Shit – were was she? What was I supposed to be doing? Lheisatha wasn’t kneeling on the bed in front of me. Oh, god. How long had it been? Was she –

  No, she wasn’t. She was leaning against the corner post of the bed, watching me. She looked quietly amused.

  My core screamed at me as I levered myself off the bed and stumbled to kneeling before Lheisatha. The muscles in my lower back grumbled as well when I folded my arms behind me. As I knelt, I felt my pussy continuing to spasm and clench. It was out. It was finally out. I felt so empty. I felt the ache and burn of my damaged skin and muscles all the more clearly as they began to contract, everything finally free to return to their rightful positions.

  My relief cut off when I felt a mental snap through the bond. Right. I’d promised to be a good girl, and now I wasn’t even paying attention. I needed to focus, or I risked Serenity Paradox going right back in. But what was I supposed to do now? I was in position. That was what a good girl did, right?

  “Anything to say, pet?”

  What? Wasn’t I not supposed to speak unless – oh, right.

  “Thank you, Mistress,” I said softly, keeping my head down.

  “Better.”

  Her hand brushed under my chin, raising my head and exposing my neck. I kept it up, and felt a weight tug on my colr as something bumped against my chest. Without looking, I knew what it was. Lheisatha had just hung Serenity Paradox from my colr, like the messed-up, Chosen version of a bell on a cat. It kept my Crystal close at hand and was a constant reminder of the punishments Lheisatha could dole out if I disobeyed. How efficient of her.

  “Last night wasn’t a punishment, pet. Now, come on.”

  With that terrifying statement, Lheisatha turned and left the bedroom. I crawled after her on shaky legs. Without anything else to do, I did as she had instructed me and crawled over to the corner beside Lheisatha’s throne.

  She was already settled in, legs tossed over one side while she rested her head on a bent arm. I felt her hand idly pet my hair as I knelt, and a token flicker of approval came down the bond. And then it was gone, as Lheisatha turned her attention back to… whatever it was she did with her time. Plotting some new torture for me, maybe. Or something worse.

  Whatever it was, she said nothing, and the bond remained silent. Except for her hand in my hair, Lheisatha ignored me. I bit back a sigh and tried to settle in. If I needed to prepare before I could escape, then I also needed to get used to sitting and waiting. I might as well start practicing that now.

  Or, maybe I could practice something else.

  My knees were already starting to ache, and my core hadn’t really calmed down. And my stomach was reminding me I hadn’t ‘eaten’ anything since st night, and I might want to do something about that.

  In short, I had plenty of opportunity to practice. Without distraction, this time. I just needed…

  I wasn’t willing to risk breaking Lheisatha’s rule against speaking, not so early in the day. Instead, I sent the sensation of a question down the bond and began the process of withdrawing some power from the channel to Lheisatha. The feeling of permission came back a moment ter.

  It immediately began to pool and coil inside me, building up without anywhere to go. I tapered down the flow so that I wasn’t at risk of overloading myself, and then wove what I was gathering into the spellforms Serenity Paradox had showed me st night.

  I’d been too quick to dismiss healing. It was hard, sure. Maybe as hard as I’d thought, even. But it wasn’t so hard I couldn’t slowly figure it out when the proper motivation was inserted. Healing other people, yeah, that shit was complicated. Healing myself? Serenity Paradox already carried all of the variables I’d need to know about my unique physiology, so it was really just a matter of plugging things into the proper spellform.

  As much as I wanted my core to stop throbbing, it was probably better to start small while I was experimenting. The muscles in my back were as good a pce as any to start.

  I nudged Serenity Paradox through the channel I was maintaining. Information poured back into me across the link – exactly what I needed. I had magic, I had spellforms, and I had uninterrupted time to use them. Time to get to work.