I groan and hold the pillow tighter against my ears. It's like they don’t even care that I’m here… The sound of my sister’s voice goes silent, and is immediately repced by the rumbling of my stomach. When was the st time I ate? Breakfast yesterday…? Or was it dinner the night before st…?

  I decide to try and sneak to the kitchen now, hopefully avoiding having to talk to people. The beads on my doorway rattle as I step through, and I hurriedly pass through the living room and into the kitchen. After digging through the sparse cabinets, I grab a bag of most likely stale crackers, and head back to my room.

  “Hey, Holly.” A bright feminine voice says from above me.

  I look up the stairs to see Juliet standing at the top. She’s wearing a pair of tight light blue jeans and a gray fnnel that is mostly buttoned up, and halfway untucked from her pants. Her makeup is a little runny from sweat, and her hair looks like a rat's nest.

  “Hey.” I say apathetically, and walk into my room.

  After cmbering onto my bed, I take a handful of the sea creature shaped crackers and shove them into my mouth. Ugh… Disgusting. I regretfully swallow the stale snack, and close the bag. I’ll just eat tomorrow… I hear May and Juliet speaking out in the living room, before the front door opens and closes.

  I sit up and way for the conversation that I know is coming. After a few moments, May pushes her way through my doorway. Right on cue. I gre at her. “Leave me alone.”

  “Holly…” She says softly.

  “Go.” I say, my voice clipped.

  “I’m sorry…” She says, and sits on my bed.

  “Are you?!” I nearly shout at her. “You seem to be doing just fine!”

  “What, Jules?” She asks. “She’s just a friend.”

  “Oh I know.” I say, while staring at her. “She’s a devout christian, she’d never be your girlfriend.”

  “So what’s the problem?” May asks.

  I gesture up at the ceiling. “You two weren’t exactly quiet.”

  “Paige moved on… I don’t see why I can’t too.” Her face turns slightly red, and she looks down at her feet. “You should as well.”

  “I don’t want to.” I say darkly. May tries to rest her hand on my knee, but I sp it away. “Don’t touch me.”

  A small sniffle escapes her nose, and I see tears trail down her cheek. “We used to be so close, Holly…” She says softly. “I want to get back to that…”

  “And I want nothing to do with you.” I spit back. “Leave.”

  May sighs, and walks to my doorway. “What would it take for you to forgive me?”

  “You bckmailed me into breaking up with the first person I have ever truly loved,” I say icily. “And now he’s with someone else. I don’t think I can ever forgive you for that.”

  ?????????????

  “Hey, Emmy.” My mom says, her head poking into my room. “Time to get ready.”

  “Thanks.” I say as I pull off my headphones. “Sorry I got distracted.”

  “You’re fine.” She responds with a smile. “I’ll be out in the living room when you’re ready.”

  I nod, and stand up. What do I want to wear today… I look at the options in my closet. Something overtly girly, I think. My fingers brush against the soft fabric of the dress I wore on my date with Holly.

  I instinctively pull away, but then stop myself. I cannot let Holly be the reason I stop enjoying things. I bought this dress for me, not her, and I love it. With my mind made up, I pull out the dress and slip it on.

  After pulling on a pair of tights, and my bck combat boots, I head into the bathroom to do my makeup and hair. I keep to the same style I have been for a while, and smile at myself in the mirror. Looking good, Emmy. Really good.

  With everything done, I head out to the living room. My mom looks me up and down before speaking. “You look beautiful, Emmy.” She says with a smile.” Ready to go?”

  “Yes.” I say happily, and follow her out the door.

  The drive is short as the school is even closer than my junior high was. I bask in the warmth of the sun's glow. Soon enough I’ll be walking this path in the snow… A thought hits my mind, and I smile at myself. Or maybe I’ll be driving it… We pull into a rge parking lot, and stop right at the front.

  I step out of the SUV, and look up at the massive building standing imposingly in front of me. I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding in, and follow behind my mom as she leads me up the steps and along the sidewalk to the front door.

  She opens the door for me, and I step through into the rge, brightly lit foyer. “Do you know where we’re going?” I ask.

  “The email said the office is on the far side of the building…” My mom says, her voice trailing away.

  She starts walking through the foyer, and I follow her through a set of double doors, and down a small set of stairs to an almost comically long hallway. We pass by three separate sets of stairs, and countless cssrooms as we walk.

  I study the names inscribed on pques that are attached to the doors. I wonder which of these teachers, if any, will be mine… We walk under yet another set of stairs, these more ornate and modern than the others, and to a gss door beled ‘Administration’, which faces out to the giant lunchroom.

  “Good afternoon!” A smiling white haired woman says from behind a counter. “How can I help you?”

  “Hello!” My mom responds cheerily. “We have an appointment with Principal Swan.”

  The woman looks at a page on her desk for a moment before smiling. “Valera, yes?”

  “That’s us.” My mom says with a smile.

  “Very good.” The woman responds. “Let me go see if he’s ready for you.” The woman disappears into a back hallway, and returns after a moment. “Please follow me.”

  She leads us down the hall to a surprisingly small office, with a cheap wooden desk, and a computer. The man behind the desk is exactly like his school, massive. He is wearing a gray suit that somehow appears too big for him and has a jovial smile on his face.

  “Good day, good day.” He says, and gestures to a pair of chairs in front of us. “Sit! Sit. Please.”

  “Good day, Principal Swan.” My mom says as she takes a seat.

  I hurriedly sit down next to her, and brush my hands down my dress. “Good day.” I say meekly.

  “So,” The man says. “I understand that you requested this meeting to refile some paperwork, and discuss rules on campus.”

  “That is correct.” My mom says with a smile. “We need to update my daughter’s file with you, and discuss a recent change in her life, and how it will affect her education.”

  “Let’s start with the paperwork.” He says, and begins typing on his computer. “Valera… Valera…” His eyebrows form a deep furrow, and he frowns. “I cannot seem to find your file… Just your brother’s…”

  “I don’t have a brother.” I say softly. “The file there is me.”

  The man looks over at me, and coughs into his fist. “Yes, I see…” He says softly.

  “My daughter needs her name and gender updated in the system.” My mom says, and passes him a folded paper. “Here’s her paperwork.”

  Principal Swan looks over the copies of my name change order. “Well, this seems to be in order, let me see what I can do.”

  “This is her new legal name.” My mom says firmly, leaving no room for discussion. “The one currently in your system is no longer valid.”

  “I understand.” Principal Swan replies. After typing for a few moments, and double checking the spelling on the document, he smiles up at us. “All done.”

  “Can I see?” I ask. “I want to make sure it’s spelled right.”

  “Of course.” He says, and turns the monitor to face me.

  I groan internally as I see an ugly, masculine, older photo of me. “The name is right.” I say. “Any chance I can update that photo too?”

  “Email me a suitable repcement,” He says. “And I’ll make it happen.”

  “Thank you.” I reply with a smile.

  “Now, for the other reason we’re here.” My mom says. “I want to ensure that Emmy will be allowed to use the correct bathroom and locker room.”

  “See,” He says uncomfortably. “The thing with that is…”

  “Yes?” My mom asks, voice tinged with annoyance.

  “We have to ensure the safety of all of our students.” He says, clearly searching for a way to make it not sound horrible. “I’m sure you understand…”

  “No.” My mom says simply. “I do not.”

  “Well,” The beady-eyed principal says. “If your daughter were to go into the women's locker room, it could make the girls in there uncomfortable.”

  “Do you think that it would somehow be better for my daughter,” My mom asks pointedly. “Who as you can see is very clearly a girl, to change in the men's locker room?”

  “I understand the point you are trying to make.” He says, seeming for all the world to not want to be here. “But I don’t want to make it easier for women to be harassed.”

  “Are you saying you think my daughter intends to harass women?!” My mom nearly shouts.

  “No, no!” He says quickly. “Just that if we let her do it, we’d have to let anyone use whichever room they wanted to, which could lead to problems.”

  “That’s a slippery slope falcy.” I state.

  “She’s right.” My mom says seriously. “Answer a question for me, Principal Swan.” He nods. “What do you do about the gay children who use the locker rooms?” “Excuse me?” He asks.

  “Well surely, if you’re worried about girls being uncomfortable around my daughter, you must be equally concerned about lesbians in the girls locker room.”

  “Mom,” I say, and tug on her sleeve. “Not exactly the right direction.”

  The man sighs. “There’s a difference there.” He says. “Unless any actual harassment has taken pce, it would be discrimination to remove them.”

  “And it’s not discrimination to stop my daughter from using the bathroom and locker room of her choice, when she is clearly a girl, and has not harassed anyone in her life?”

  The man lets out a deep breath, and wipes away the sweat on his brown. “I see your point…” He clears his throat. “For now, so long as there are no compints, I will allow Emmy to use the bathroom and locker room of her choosing.”

  “That’s better.” My mom says. “I believe that is everything we needed to talk about. Thank you for your time.”

  “Yes, yes…” He says, gently waving us away. “Thank you. Have a pleasant day, Mrs. and Ms. Valera.”

  We walk out the door, and I give a small wave to the secretary as my mom hastily exits into the lunchroom. I try to keep pace with her as her heels click along the tile floor of the hallway.

  “Well that was terrifying.” I say, my breaths still coming in shallow gasps.

  “I’m sorry.” My mom says, and takes my hand. “I had hoped he would be better…”

  “This is how it’s always going to be…” I say softly.

  “No.” She says quickly. “This only happened because you transitioned after we enrolled you. In the future, you can be… Oh, what was the word…”

  “Stealth?” I ask behind a giggle.

  “Stealth!” She says loudly. “That’s it!”

  I quickly shush her as we walk. “Don’t go telling the whole school.” I say behind a smile.

  “Sorry, Princess.” She says with a grin, and mimes zipping her lips.

  We exit the building into the bright light of the afternoon sun, and head for the car. I sit down, and immediately plug in my phone before throwing on a pylist mainly composed of a new band I had just started listening to.

  I look curiously as we turn a good couple of blocks before our usual turn. “Mom?” I ask.

  “Oh, sorry sweetie.” She says. “Forgot to tell you, I need to pick up some prescriptions. You can wait in the car if you want.”

  As we pull into a spot in front of the rge windows, I spot Tyler sweeping up an aisle. “I think I’ll come inside.”

  My mom gives me a soft smirk. “I figured you would.”

  I growl at her pyfully, hop out of the car and follow her into the building. She grins at me as she makes her way to the back, and I walk towards my friend. He doesn’t notice me at first, as he bends down to pick up a fallen item.

  I watch his body freeze as his eyes nd on my boots, and he slowly looks up my legs and to my face. “Hi, Tyler!” I say brightly.

  “Emmy!” He nearly shouts, and stands up quickly, nearly headbutting me between the legs, before pulling me into a tight hug. “It’s good to see you.”

  I wrap my arms around him and press my face into his chest. The scent of wildflowers fills my nostrils, and I smile as I breathe it in. “It’s good to see you too. I missed you.”

  “You okay?” He asks, as he strokes my hair.

  I let out a soft sigh. “I’m just so confused right now…”

  “About what?” He asks, without letting go of me.

  “I don’t really know how to expin this…” I say softly. “I um… I have a crush.”

  “Oh yeah?” Tyler asks. “On me or someone else?”

  “Both…” I say softly. “That’s what I’m confused about…”

  He looks down at me, a smile on his lips and warmth in his eyes. “Emmy,” He says gently. “I can’t help with your decision, obviously, I’m extremely biased.”

  I let out a giggle. “Very fair.”

  “All I can do,” He says, and looks me very earnestly in the eyes. “Is reassure you that if you choose this other person, you and I will still be friends. I promise.”

  “Thank you.” I mumble into his chest. “I almost wish I didn’t have to choose…”

  “Who is it?” He asks. “If you don’t mind sharing.”

  “I don’t know if you know her…” I say softly. “Her name is Paige.”

  “I think I know her…” He says softly. “She’ll be a junior this year, yeah?”

  “Yeah.” I reply.

  “I don’t know much about her,” He says thoughtfully. “Besides the fact that she’s cute, and was dating a ninth grader st year. Is she nice?”

  “She is…” I say wistfully, before looking up at him. “So are you.”

  “Thanks.” He says with a grin. “Looks like your mom is done.”

  “Huh?” I ask, and look up to see him looking over the shelves. “You’re so tall.” I giggle.

  I wait until the st possible moment to reluctantly remove myself from his arms. “Later, Emmy.” He says with a grin. “I’ll see you Monday.”

  “Looking forward to it!” I say happily. “Later, Tyler!”

  We walk out to the car, and my mom is grinning at me the moment we sit down. “Well, well, well…”

  I sigh deeply. “Yup, I get it…” I say softly. “Let it all out.”

  “You looked really cozy in his arms.” She says with a soft ugh. “Seemed very unhappy when you had to part.”

  “Yeah, yeah…” I say, not feeding into her antics.

  Her smile falters. “Emmy, what’s wrong?”

  “I’m just…” I trail off, while trying to find the words to express my feelings “I’m scared.”

  “Scared of what?” My mom asks.

  “That I’m taking too long to move on.” I say. “That Paige and Tyler are both going to be taken by the time I’m ready. Or that, by the time I realize which one I want to be with, they’ll have already found someone else, or just grown tired of waiting for me…”

  “I’m sorry, Emmy…” My mom says, and squeezes my hand. “I get that this is hard.”

  “I just… I wish there was a way I could know.” I say. “A way I could be certain that I will be happy with whoever I pick.”

  “I think you’d be happy with either one.” My mom says. “You’ll figure it out. Don’t worry.”

  “Yeah…” I say softly.

  “You excited for school to start?” She asks, and I smile at the change in subject.

  “Yeah.” I reply. “It’s hard to believe it’s only two weeks away.”

  “This summer sure has gone by quickly.” She responds. “And you’ve changed so much.”

  “For the better.” I say with a smile. “I have changed for the better.”