I wake to a gentle shaking of my shoulder. “Emmy. Wake up, girl. Rise and shine.”

  “Mom…?” I murmur as I open my eyes. “What time is it.”

  “Seven.” She says, looking down at me. “Sorry, I was just so excited for our day trip that I couldn’t wait.”

  “S’okay…” I mumble. “I was having the most wonderful dream…”

  “Tell me about it.” She says as she strokes my hair.

  “I was on stage in the auditorium, pying my music for a crowd of people. Everyone loved it. I was… I was me. I was Emmy.”

  “That’s wonderful, dear.” She says with a smile. “You’ll get there some day, I know you will.”

  “Thank you.” I say, and sit up.

  “Whoa girl.” My mom says, and covers her eyes. “You need to start sleeping in a shirt.”

  “Huh?” I ask. “Oh, right. No more swimming shirtless for me I guess.”

  “Oh honey…” My mom says, smiling at me. “You’ve never swam shirtless.”

  I let out a bubbly giggle. “I wonder why.”

  “Truly is a mystery.” She says with a conspiratorial grin. “Now get up, get dressed. We’ve got stuff to do.”

  “Okay, mom.” I say, and stay covered until she leaves the room.

  What to wear… I think to myself as I start looking through my options. This will be my st time wearing boy’s clothes. The soft brown fabric of Holly’s pants finds my fingers. Or maybe yesterday was the st time.

  I pull out Holly’s pants, and pull out her tank top before throwing it on. After pulling on shoes and socks, I head into the bathroom to wash my face. I open the cabinet and reach for my deodorant, when I see my mom’s girly deodorant on a shelf.

  She wouldn’t mind… would she? I wipe it quickly on my underarms, which are only just now starting to regrow hair since I st shaved. Once I’m done, I give myself a sniff. I love it.

  “Emmy?” My mom asks. “Whatcha doin’, girl?”

  I blush and look down. “I used your deodorant… and I liked smelling girly.”

  “You’re so cute.” She says, and ruffles my hair. “Want me to walk you through skin care?”

  “I uh…” I look back at her. “Yes please.”

  “By the way, those clothes are cute.” She says with a smile. “Although they don’t seem like your style.”

  “They’re not.” I say with a sigh. “But they’re girl’s clothes, and I never want to be in boy’s clothes again.”

  Mom ughs bright and full. “You’re so silly, Emmy.” I tilt my head, confused. “You’re a girl. Any clothes you own are girl’s clothes.”

  “Fair.” I say with a smile. “Now, skincare?”

  “Skincare.”

  She and I spend the next ten minutes applying various creams to our faces. After we’re done, she pulls out her makeup case.

  “I’m not sure how much of this you know how to use,” She says. “But feel free to look through it, and while we’re at the mall we can get you a whole makeup setup.”

  “New clothes, shoes, makeup, a mani-pedi…” I say slowly. “This is shaping up to be a lot of money…”

  “Oh don’t you worry about that, princess.” She says with a grin. “I talked to your dad st night, he said to spend as much as we need to, to get you everything you need.”

  “I… Thank you.”

  “Don’t thank me.” She says with a smirk. “Thank your dad who went through seven years of college, and works ten to twelve hour days to provide for us.”

  “I will.” I promise.

  I start digging through her makeup bag, and after asking for some help, manage to put together most of what Holly taught me to use. As I’m applying it, my mom lets out a small chuckle.

  “What?” I say, while I apply my eyeshadow.

  “Your dad always teases me about letting my mouth hang open while I’m putting on makeup.” She giggles. “Now I get to do the same to you.”

  I giggle as well, and take my time finishing the look. Once I’m done, I turn to my mom. “What do you think?”

  “You look beautiful.” She says, as she tilts my face from side to side. “It’s not my style, but it looks great on you.”

  “Thanks.” I say softly.

  I look in the mirror and see that this top is a little loose around my chest. If only I had breasts. Memories of my curvy chest wearing Holly’s bra pop into my mind. I should see about doing that first.

  “Want to get breakfast on the way?” She asks.

  “Sure.” I say with a smile.

  We get into her car, and she hands me her phone. “Put on whatever music you want.”

  I put on a mix of hyperpop and pop punk that I really like listening to, and just rex while we drive. She pulls into a McBeth drive-thru, and I get an egg and cheese biscuit. The food is delicious, and we chat about nothing while we eat.

  Not long after I’m done eating, we pull into the mall parking lot. She steps out, and I follow her into the massive building. “Where do you want to go first?”

  I remember what I said in the mirror, and smile at her. “Bra’s. Holly has this one that was padded, and gave me actual curves. I want one like that.”

  “Then off to Veronica’s Surprise we go!”

  I giggle as she starts dragging me away. The storefront looms over us, and I start to feel very nervous. What if they realize I’m a trans girl… My mom squeezes my hand as we walk inside.

  “You okay?” She asks.

  “Just a little anxious.” I say. “But that’s okay. I’d rather be anxious than how I was before.”

  “Fair enough.” She says. “Now um, Emmy… we are going to have to get you measured…”

  “What does that mean?” I ask, worried.

  “You’ll have to go back with one of the sales people, and take off your shirt so they can measure your chest. I’ll go with you, of course.”

  “Okay.” I say with a sigh. “Let’s do this.”

  She and I walk deep into the store, and up to a tall thin nerdy looking girl with short red hair. “How can I help you two?” She asks.

  “My daughter here is looking for her first bra.” My mom says. “A push up bra, or something else to add to her curves.”

  I stand there nervously, unsure of what to do. “Well,” The store associate says. “Come on back.”

  My mom and I follow her as she leads us into a back room with a curtain. “Take off your shirt please.”

  I carefully pull off my tank top, and stand there awkwardly as she holds a tape measure up to my chest. After taking multiple different measurements, she pulls away.

  “You can put your shirt back on.” She says, and I do. “You are a thirty-four A. Come with me and we can go find some options in your size that will push you up to a B cup.”

  I happily follow her, with my mom trailing behind me as the worker leads us to a wall with bras all over it, and multiple sets of drawers beneath it. She points out a few, simple looking bras of various neutral colors.

  I pick out a few, and she walks me back to the changing room to put them on. My mom waits outside as I try them on. After a while, I walk out, shirt back in pce.

  “What do you think?”

  “Looks good.” She says with a smile. “Even without that, I doubt anyone would peg you as a trans girl, but with that, no one will ever know.”

  “Good.” I say happily.

  “Want to wear it out?” She asks.

  “Can I?” I ask, excitement in my voice.

  “Sure.” She says. “Let me just grab the tag so we can pay for it.”

  She pulls the tag off, and we go to find the associate.

  “Find any you like?” She asks as we approach.

  “Yup, all of them.” My mom says as she pces them on the counter, and hands the woman the tag. “And she’s wearing one out.”

  “Perfect.” The associate says.

  She scans everything, and after paying what feels like an extremely high price for four bras, we head out into the mall.

  “Where to next?”

  I look around at my options, and see a sign I recognize. “Thot Point.”

  “Yeah.” My mom says with a grin. “That’s definitely more your style.”

  We enter the store, and are immediately greeted by a cheery sounding trans girl. “Looking for anything in particur?” She asks.

  “Just browsing.” My mom replies.

  “Sounds good.” She says. “Let me know if you need anything.”

  “We will.” I say, giving her a friendly smile.

  I take the lead and immediately approach a wall full of extremely girly clothing. I excitedly reach for a red pid skirt with the side cut off. The inside is lined with bck shorts that thankfully go all the way around.

  “Uh, isn’t that a little… short.” My mom says.

  “I like it…” I say softly. “Is that okay?”

  “Let’s see how it looks on you.” She says.

  “Okay.” I say simply. “Let me pick out a top so I can try and make an outfit.”

  There are a bunch of shirts on a circur rack, and I start pawing through them. After a few moments, I find a pin tight cropped bck t-shirt. With that in hand, I walk up to the associate.

  “Can I use the dressing room?” I ask.

  “Don’t you want to get more to try on?” My mom asks.

  “We have a limit of three items in the room at a time.” She says.

  “I see.” My mom replies.

  The associate unlocks the dressing room, and I head inside. It doesn’t take me long to pull the outfit on, and when I do, I cannot help but stare at myself in the mirror.

  “Yes, yes, yes!” I shout happily as I see the woman I am supposed to be looking back at me.

  “You alright in there?” My mom calls out. I step out of the changing room, and smile at my mom. “What do you think?” I ask, while giving her a twirl.

  “It is a bit short…” She says as she examines me. “But if you like it, then I’m happy.”

  “I really like it.” I say with a grin.

  “Go get changed back, and we can look for more stuff for you.”

  “Kay.” I say, and head back inside.

  After changing back into Holly’s clothes, I head back outside. My mom takes the clothes from my hands, and I head back to look for more clothes. The next outfit I pull down is a bck and gray knit sweater with tears in it, and a small pair of bck denim booty shorts.

  The worker lets me into the changing room again, and I quickly strip off my clothes, and change into the shorts and sweater. These look really good, but I think they need a little more. Maybe some tights underneath.

  I step out of the changing room, and smile at my mom. “I think they need some tights or something, but I really like it!”

  “Definitely some tights.” She says with a grin. “You do look really cute though.”

  I head back inside and get back into my other clothes. I walk back out, and my mom is nowhere to be found. I look out in the store, and see the associate putting away a long hook, and my mom walking back towards me, with something in her hands.

  “Try this on, Emmy.” She says as she hands me the garment. “You’re going to look so cute.”

  I take the bck and gray pid article, and walk back into the changing room. I unfurl the roll to reveal a dress. Oh… wow… Anxiety spikes in my heart as I stare at the piece of fabric. Will I look good in this, or will I just look like a boy pretending?

  The dress is bck and gray pid, with a zipper going down the front. I think that’s the front. Shouldn’t the zipper be in the back though? The sides have metal rings sewn into them that are ced with bck ribbons which are tied into bows at the hips. The straps for the dress almost resemble overall straps.

  I unzip the dress and pull it on, before zipping it back up. My fingers reach behind me, and grab onto the straps. They slide over my shoulders and I clip them onto the D-rings attached above the bust.

  I try really hard to open my eyes and look in the mirror, but I can’t bring myself to do it. I’m going to look so ugly. No one will be able to see me and not see a boy, no matter how good at makeup I am. I look horrible, I know it!

  “Emmy?” My mom calls out. “You okay in there?”

  I take several deep breaths and press my forehead into the cool stone wall. The rough stone scrapes gently against my forehead, and the cold quickly expands through my body. I hear the door unlock, but continue attempting to ground myself.

  “Emmy?” My mom says as she touches my bare shoulder.

  “Just, give me a moment.” I say, and continue taking deep breaths. After a few long moments I start to speak. “I’m scared to look.”

  “It’s okay, Emmy.” She says softly. “Can I see?”

  I turn and face her, my eyes shut tight. “How bad is it?”

  “Uh…” My mom says softly. “Emmy, I think you need to see for yourself.”

  I nod, take a breath, and open my eyes. “Oh…”

  The woman standing before me is absolutely gorgeous. She is both cute and absolutely beautiful. I am cute, and absolutely beautiful. The dress hugs my curves really well. Well, the fake curves from the bra. They’ll be real soon enough. I stare in surprise as I realize that the dress also accentuates my hips slightly, making my waist almost appear slimmer than it is.

  “You look amazing, Emmy.” My mom says, and gives me a kiss on the forehead.

  “Can I wear it out?” I ask the associate who is still standing just outside the doorway.

  “Sure.” She says. “Just hand me the tag.” I pull it off the zipper and pass it to her.

  “Anything else you want, Emmy?” My mom asks.

  “Yes.” I say, and walk out towards the far wall.

  I look for a moment before pulling down some fishnet leggings, some dark sheer tights, and a pair of bck thigh high socks. I turn to my mom with a smile on my face, and see her giving me a strange look.

  “What?” I ask, a little worried.

  “I was so busy thinking about all the fun I was going to have with my daughter, that I forgot about the difficulties of having a really pretty daughter who likes to show skin.”

  “I’m sorry.” I say softly, and start to return the items.

  “No!” She says immediately, a bit too loudly. “I don’t want to control what you wear. If you like it, that’s good enough for me.”

  “Thank you, Mom.” I say with a smile. “Let’s go pay.” We walk up to the register and pce my new clothes on the counter. They end up being well over one-hundred dolrs. My mom pays with her card, and we head out into the main section of the mall.

  “Okay hon,” She says with a smile. “Let’s go to Stacy’s and get you some everyday clothes,” She looks me up and down. “And definitely some modesty shorts.”

  “Yes please.” I say, and we walk to the end of the long space towards the rge hall.

  We walk through the huge doors into a rge room full of clothes stands all over. There are a bit too many people here, and I can feel anxiety nipping at the corners of my brain. Without thinking, I take my mom’s hand as we walk.

  “You okay, princess?” She asks as she leads me to the back corner of the store.

  “I’m just anxious…” I say softly. “This is my first time being really out in public as myself…”

  “I get it, hon.” She says, and squeezes my hand three times. “You look beautiful, and your voice is fwless.” She whispers. “You’re gonna be fine.”

  “I know…” I say, and squeeze her hand back. “Thank you, Mom.”

  “Always.” She says softly, and continues holding my hand.

  We walk around the women's section, grabbing various articles of clothing for me to try on. I end up choosing more than a couple soft colored feminine cut shirts. I also pick out some jeans, all bck, some with tears and rips in them.

  We walk around the underwear aisle, and my mom hands me a package of warm toned maxi panties, a package of boyshorts, and a package of bck ankle socks.

  “These are really cute.” I say as I take them.

  “Later on you can get even cuter underwear, but for now I’d prefer you have pin stuff since no one will be looking at them.”

  “Yeah…” I lie.

  “Emmy…” My mom says, and faces me. “Is there something I should know?”

  I sigh deeply. “Holly and I slept together once…”

  “Emmy!” Mom says, way too loudly. “You were safe about it, right?”

  “I…” I stammer.

  “Oh, Emmy…” She says softly. “Look, we can talk about it ter, just… I know we've never really had the talk... Today, before your date. Okay?”

  “Okay.” I say, ignoring the anxiety in my core. “Can we keep shopping? I really don’t want to think about this right now.”