CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE: Eligibility Requirements“Wow.” said Rose.

  Eine was still begging on hands and knees in the secluded bathroom. Rose took a step back to brace herself against the wall.

  “Is that all? Any more deep dark secrets you want to reveal?” asked Rose sarcastically.

  “I’m attracted to my best friend. Like, romantically. And, uh, yeah, the other way too,” said Eine. Then she shrugged and continued.

  “Also, I think someday I’d like to try being tied up sometimes, and I really want Leonard to be the one who–?”

  “Jesus, Stop!” said Rose. “That… that st bit was too much. I did not need to know that. I did not want to know that.”

  Rose offered Eine a hand up off the bathroom floor.

  “I take it you actually prefer to be called ‘Eine’? Call me Rafael. It’s one less thing I have to stress about. There’s no GenderBuzzer here.”

  Rafael let out a long sigh.

  “So, to start, of course I’m not going to out you to anyone. I’d feel crappy doing that under any circumstances.”

  “Even though I’m cheating?”

  “On who?”

  “No, no, on the game. I mean, I didn’t know what the game was when I arrived at the studio in L.A., but once I did know, maybe I should have said something then? But then I thought… free hormones, money… surgeries? I… got blinded by it.”

  “So you’ve basically treated this just like Stephen O'Sullivan did in ‘Welcome to Camp Yelrod’.”

  “What’s ‘Camp Yelrod’?”

  Rafael shook his head. “It’s a book series a lot of trans men are really into. Nevermind. It’s beside the point anyway. Why do you think you’re cheating?”

  Eine looked guiltily at her feet, and fidgeted with them. (If the podiatrist was still here, they’d have a field day.)

  “The eligibility requirements.”

  “What about them?”

  “Men aged 18-30. Men aged 18-30. If I’m a trans woman, then I’m not a man.”

  “Oh, come on, that is a technicality at best, I mean–”

  Eine shook her head vigorously. “I might not be so worried about it, except that you’re here. Like… if their definition of ‘man’ was what’s in our pants, or what’s on our passports, or what chromosomes… but they’re actually doing the good thing and saying trans men are men… and consequently, trans women… must be women. At least if the rules are to maintain logical consistency.”

  Rafael stopped, thinking back to when Jamie and Sheri took him aside, and told him that he was absolutely eligible for the contest because he was a man.

  “I mean, you’re not wrong, Eine. But maybe… maybe there’s a way around it?”

  “How so?”

  “Look, let me… do some investigating on your behalf,” said Rafael. “If you start making detailed questions about loopholes in the rules, they’ll start looking at you with suspicion. But if I do it, well, I’m just crifying because of my unique situation.”

  Eine slowly nodded. “Okay. If you think… that would be the right thing. God, I want to ask Leonard what the right thing to do here is, but I can’t do that without giving myself away.”

  “Wait,” said Rafael. “Leonard doesn’t know?”

  “I know. And I feel so stupid and wrong for bringing him along with me, but… I didn’t think I could go through this alone, and I was like, well, so long as he drops out before the red line, and he makes a bit of money from it, and… I needed an excuse, Rafael. I needed to justify why I was doing it that wasn’t ‘because I need it’, and the money provided the cover. And it would be suspicious if I say: ‘I’m just doing this for the money, but you shouldn’t do this for the money.’ I mean, how do I justify that? ‘Oh no, I happen to like money more than you do?’”

  Rafael closed his eyes and sighed.

  “Eine… god, you must have been so terrified this entire time.”

  “I’m twice closeted and live with a family that would not approve. Terrified and nervous is kind of my default state, Rafael.”

  Rafael pushed himself with his hands off the wall.

  “Right. Okay. Have you talked to Sheri about this?”

  Eine shook her head no.

  “I don’t trust psychologists. What if they think I’m crazy? What if they say I’m too autistic to make those kinds of decisions for myself and I’m actually decred legally incompetent and am put under the care of a sadist who forces me to perform sex acts on him? That’s why I was so nervous for this st challenge.”

  “You got gender envy from Lisbeth Sander?”

  “Yep. Rooney Mara looked so good in that movie. And Daniel Craig is hot.”

  “Daniel Craig is hot. Okay. Tell you what. I’ll talk to Sheri. And I’ll come back to you with information, okay? In the meantime, just… hang tight. Go hang out with Leonard at the hot tub. Try to rex.”

  Eine nodded.

  “If I could ask, what tipped you off?”

  “That you were trans, or at least an egg? I hate these fucking things,” said Rafael, motioning to his chest. “The fact that you kept your padding in after the challenge was over? Big fucking clue. If the situation were reversed, I’d be wearing my binder non-stop.”

  “Do you think I should take them out?”

  “Nah. I think I’m the only one who maybe picked up on that clue, specifically because I’m a trans man. I think you should get changed, go to the hot tub, try to rex, and try to act casual. Don’t worry. I’m on your team now.”

  ***

  Jamie and Sam had brought Sheri over to Video Vilge, and was currently showing her the recording of Eine’s reaction to the results of the st challenge - where all of the judges had pegged her, “incorrectly,” as a trans woman.

  “Don’t you think you’re overreacting a little?” said Sheri.

  Jamie rubbed the back of her head. “How so?”

  “Eine’s clearly got some sort of autistic spectrum thing going on, and that reaction doesn’t necessarily mean an egg cracking. Tons of things could give a person that reaction. Up to and including Montezuma’s Revenge.”

  “What?” asked Sam.

  “Py the tape back, but with the sound off,” said Sheri.

  Sam shrugged and did so. Sheri then provided her own internal impression of what could have been going on in Eine’s head.

  “I really need to go… I really need to go…” Sheri narrated. And then, right before Eine’s thousand yard stare appeared on the screen, Sheri narrated: “Oops, I crapped my pants!”

  Sam and Jamie had to admit, it did fit.

  “So, Eine isn’t secretly…” Sam let the sentence drift off.

  “I mean, who knows,” said Sheri, “but I think it’s much more likely that you’re projecting. I mean, if she is an egg, and it just hatched, I’m sure she’ll be coming to me with questions anyway. Until then, don’t worry too much about it. Just get some sleep. It’s a big day for Jamie and the contestants tomorrow. First estrogen shots.”

  “Woohoo!” said Jamie. “Shots-shots-shots-sha-sha-shots.”

  “Again. Get some sleep. Both of you.”

  ***

  Leia headed to the hot tub, rinsed herself off in the shower, and headed in. It was, to be expected, glorious. After a few minutes - longer than she would have expected - she was joined by Eine, who rinsed herself off and then gently, tepidly, lowered herself in.

  “So, if it’s not private, what did you and Rose get up to?” asked Leia.

  Eine had prepared for that question. She knew there had to be a pusible lie that would expin her absence without revealing her secret, but also didn’t want to make it seem like Rose and her were a thing because Rose was already crushing on Bradley, and she was already crushing on Leia. So she had come up with the absolute perfect excuse. Pusible. Verifiable. An airtight alibi.

  And she would have remembered it too, if it wasn’t for Leia’s swim shirt riding up and showing off her manly abs.

  So Eine panicked.

  “I told her all my deepest, darkest secrets.”

  “You told her about the time you accidentally confused Quicksort with Mergesort on an exam and when the professor didn’t catch the error, gave you full marks anyway?”

  “Jesus, Leia. There are cameras everywhere here.” Eine dipped herself into the water until it reached her chin, in embarrassment.

  “I’m sorry, Eine. I should have thought about what effects my loose words would have on your career in academia.”

  “It’s fine,” Eine said. “We didn’t talk about that. What… I mean…”

  Eine sighed.

  “I think you should go home, Leia. Don’t do the shots tomorrow. Be Leonard again.”

  Leia drummed her fingers on the side of the hot tub. “Okay. That’s a change. What happened to the red line?”

  “Maybe the red line isn’t as safe as I thought. Maybe… I just… I dragged you into this, Leia, and I think I did so for the wrong reasons and now I’m worried that you… you might get sick, or get permanently changed in a way that you won’t like, and I’m just… freaking out about it.”

  Leia scooted over to Eine’s side of the hot tub and pced a hand on Eine’s shoulder.

  “Whoa, whoa. Chill. Chill. Nobody dragged me into this. You did convince me to give it a try, but I chose to risk my body and sanity here. I take full responsibility for my own actions, okay? And besides, if I do a shot tomorrow and hate how I feel, I just won’t do the shot next week and six thousand dolrs isn’t something to sneeze at.”

  “Okay. But Leia… don’t… don’t think you have to stick around because I need you here, okay? Like, I like having you here with me, but if… if you feel like you want to go and I decide to stay… I’ll be fine. Just know that, okay?”

  “Eine…” started Leia, but then thought better of it. Sometimes it was just best to let Eine ramble and just reassure her everything would be alright.

  “...okay. I trust you, if you trust me. Neither of us is putting pressure on the other to stay. We’ll just have fun with it.”

  This did rex Eine, finally.

  “Thanks, Leia.”

  “Don’t mention it,” said Leia, giving Eine a shoulder-bump.

  A few moments passed, then Leia snapped her wet fingers together in recollection.

  “Oh, you’re going to ugh at this. I was talking to Victoria a bit before, and she said that you pinged her gaydar. Just thought that was funny.”

  “Funny? Funny how?”

  “You know, just… funny. Because I mean, you don’t really strike me as gay, you know. Like, yeah, you’re not much of a dater, but I’ve seen you get distracted when a pretty woman walks by, especially at the beach.”

  “Oh.” said Eine. Then said nothing else, leaving an awkward pause.

  “I mean, if you were gay or bisexual or… bicurious or… point is, you’d still be my bud, right? It’s like, I’d actually be like… rooting for you. Or if you’re straight too.”

  “Thank you,” said Eine. Another awkward pause.

  “Cause normally, when someone says that someone pinged their gaydar, they usually either, you know, affirm or vigorously deny the accusation…”

  “They do?” asked Eine. “Hunh. Never noticed that. Must be a neurotypical thing.”

  By this time, the pause wasn’t awkward. It was hirious.

  “Eine.”

  “Yes?”

  “If it is okay for me to ask, are you gay?” said Leia, half-ughing.

  Eine bobbed her head back and forth, thinking about how best to answer that question, and settled for ‘technically not lying.’

  “No, I’m… pretty sure I’m straight. Maybe the slightest bit bicurious, but I’m sure I like people of the opposite gender, both sexually and romantically,” said Eine.

  “Okay.” said Leia, who shrugged.

  “Want to hit Casa Museo Montes Molina this week?” asked Leia. “Victoria’s interested in going, as is Jane.”

  “Jane, but not Gucci?”

  “I asked, but she said something about having been banned from all museums in the Western Hemisphere for life and three generations hence for trying to use necromancy to bring the dinosaur at the Smithsonian back from the dead to do her bidding.”

  ***

  “It would have worked,” said Gucci, the next morning at breakfast, where all eight of the contestants had gathered, “but for two factors.”

  “Just two?” asked Rose.

  “First, the dinosaur bones in the Smithsonian are actually replica dinosaur bones, not the original. I’d have to go to somepce like the Royal Saskatchewan Museum. There they have an actual T-rex’s remains.”

  “Well, of course, any recipe will come out better when you use higher quality ingredients,” said Victoria.

  “The other, of course, was that I used snake blood in the ritual.”

  “Ah, of course,” said Mara.

  “Dinosaurs are closer to birds than reptiles. I would have had better results with a chicken.”

  “Rookie mistake,” nodded Eine.

  “If only there was, say, some sort of building dedicated to dinosaurs and natural history where you could have looked up that kind of information before you did the ritual,” added Leia.

  “I can’t believe you’re actually listening to this idiot,” said Diana.

  “I can’t believe you’re not,” said Jane. “This is primo Gucci.”

  “Actually, I’m curious,” asked Victoria. “How much of this story is actually true?”

  “Just enough,” said Gucci, winking at Victoria.

  “Yeah, that’s the thing about Gucci, when you get to know her. The things I’ve seen her do in real life are interesting enough that make the truly outrageous things seem pusible. It’s really hard to know what’s real, what’s exaggeration, and what’s pure fabrication. But this one, I was there for,” said Jane. “Gucci, mind if I ruin this story for them?”

  “Eh, just this once,” said Gucci.

  “In truth, Gucci just got kicked out of the natural history museum of Los Angeles, because she did try to ride the exhibits when we were on a field trip. And of course she got kicked out. But obviously no necromancy, no snake blood.” Jane picked up a tostada and gestured with it. “A bad decision. And it eventually became a good story – over time, with retelling.”

  “I don’t know if I’m neurodivergent or just… different,” said Gucci. “But I’ll do the weird things that others don’t think to or don’t dare to. What the stories do… they create… the aura of mystique. Without the context of the stories and tall tales, the things I do are just odd. And that’s abnormal. Uncanny. It wigs people out. Always has.”

  Gucci leaned her elbow on the table and pointed for emphasis. “But, when the stories got around, the… quirks and little… differences became less of a big deal. Think of it this way: if you see a normal person doing a crazy thing, it’s crazy. And if you see an obviously crazy person doing something normal, it can feel like it’s crazy. But if you see a crazy person doing a crazy thing, it’s normal. See?”

  “I’ve never thought of sanity as a boolean, but the bitwise math works out,” Eine offered. “I always imagined sanity as more of a scar.”

  “So basically, you’re masking your insanity by… convincing people you’re insane?” said Diana. “That’s… Gucci, were you hit over the head with a waffle iron as a kid?”

  “That would be batter-y,” said Leia.

  “Speaking of insanity,” said Mara. “Nobody’s thinking of doing the sane thing and dropping out, are they?”

  There were looks around the table.

  “Not before the shot,” said Jane. “I’m at least curious about the first one.”

  “I’m really not looking forward to it,” said Rose. “My blood tests came back and it’s just below 20 picograms per milliliter. So I’m getting a smaller dose. Of the wrong hormones.”

  “Is it really that bad?” said Mara.

  “Oh, fuck off, Mara.”

  “No, Rose, I’m genuinely asking… what is it like? I mean, I guess I’ll find out, but…”

  Rose sighed.

  “Not that you’d believe me, but… for me, it’s this… strong fog of depression. Self-loathing. Confusion, just… straight up confusion. And of course, knowing that it’s mutiting my body.”

  “Mutiting?” asked Leia.

  “I get it,” said Eine. “I mean… I can imagine.”

  Eine stuffed a mini-tostada into her mouth pretty quickly after that, while Rose looked at Eine and shook her head.

  “Imagine a botched surgery. Or losing a limb. Or being unwillingly surgically altered. My body started changing in ways that were wrong for me.”

  “Isn’t mutition a strong word, though?” said Mara.

  “Stay on the estrogen long enough and you’ll get to find out for yourself, Mara.”

  ***

  “There you go, Jamie,” said Dr. Guiterrez, as the nurse injected the estrogen shot. “That’s it.”

  “That’s it?”

  “That’s it.”

  “Okay, so when does it start to work?” Jamie said, pulling down her skirt. She pulled her blouse forward with her finger, and looked straight down.

  Erin rolled her eyes, smiling. “Jamie!”

  “What?” said Jamie, mischievously.

  “I think you might have to re-adjust your expectations.” Erin then turned to the contestants. “Same basic rules as st time - you’ll be taken aside and asked individually if you decide to go forward. A reminder, these injections are done weekly, and you can take the money and drop out at any time, and the current cash-out value is 5,010. But for each of you that goes through with the weekly injection, we’ll add 1,000 to the pot - for each injection.”

  Eine’s right leg bounced up and down in nervous anticipation. Rose, seated next to her on her right, gently pced a hand on Eine’s knee, to get her to calm it down - after all, Eine didn’t want to seem too eager. Not until Rose had a chance to talk to Sheri, anyway.

  Seated on Eine’s left, of course, was Leia, who saw Rose reach over and touch Eine’s leg and got entirely the wrong idea.

  One by one, they were taken back to consult with Pranav, and then the nurse administered the anti-androgen for the month and the estrogen for the week.

  And as far as anyone was concerned, thought Sam, things were going swimmingly. There would be no challenges scheduled this week as Erin would fly home to see Mrs. Cochran… that is, the other Mrs. Cochran, who will become Dr. Cochran, which, if nothing else, would help distinguish who mail was addressed to in the Cochran household.

  It was almost as if nothing could go wrong. And why would it? This was a piece of cake. Sam had been a showrunner a million times over by now, and she and Jamie had thought of everything. All they had to do was stick to the pn. In fact, it was foolproof. They were home free. Nothing left to do but sit back and enjoy the ride - it was all smooth sailing from here.

  And besides, what’s the worst that could happen?

  ***

  It was the next day that Rafael asked for an “emergency” appointment, and given that it was E-Day (Estrogen Day Plus One), she wasn’t surprised to see him.

  “How are you doing, Rafael?” asked Sheri, in the small office space. Rafael sat in the hammock, rather than ying down on it.

  “Honestly, I feel like crap, but… uh, this time, this isn’t about me.”

  “Is it about Bradley?”

  “No. Why, what have you heard? Is he alright?”

  “He’s fine, Rafael. No - what brings you in today?”

  “I wanted to ask you. If someone told you, in confidence, something that could affect the outcome of the competition, would you report it to the production team, or would you hold that confidence?”

  “The only time I would break confidence is if there was a clear and present danger to my client or to others. Game be damned. TV be damned. And even then it’d be a close call. What is this about?”

  “That’s it. That’s all I needed to know. One second.”

  Rafael got up from the hammock, opened the door, and waved in Eine, who was shaking and trembling in a nice floral dress. Sheri got out of her chair, and fought the urge to hug the little goober with every ounce of professionalism she had.

  “Eine?”

  Rafael nodded to her. “It’s alright, Eine. Anything you say to Sheri, she just confirmed, she won’t share with the production team. Do you want me to stay, or do you want me to leave you two alone?”

  “Please, please stay, Rafael,” said Eine in a shaking voice. “I… I’m not sure that…”

  “It’s okay, Ethan.” Sheri reached out sympathetically, offering to guide Eine to the hammock. “The competition doesn’t exist here. And I won’t share anything with you. And you don’t have to be Eine here if you don’t want to be. You can just be Ethan, okay?”

  “Oof,” said Rafael. “I’m just going to take the spare chair for right now.”

  “Thank you, no… no, Eine’s fine,” said Eine.

  “One second,” said Rafael, “I’ll be right back, Eine. There’s something I need to get from the main room.”

  This left Eine alone with Sheri. And it did not take a psychological professional to know that it was clear Eine did not like being left alone with Sheri.

  “I’m scaring you,” said Sheri. “I’m sorry.”

  “S’okay. Not your fault,” said the scared trans girl, huddling into a ball on the hammock. “It’s me. I… have… bad experiences.”

  Trauma. Trauma reted to psychologists or mental health professionals. That’s why Eine gave the spaced-out look and was so nervous for the previous day’s challenge, thought Sheri. Somebody hurt this poor kid.

  “Ah. I think I’m starting to get it,” said Sheri. “And it’s okay. You don’t have to trust me right away. Or… ever if you don’t feel safe doing so. But whoever hurt you in the past? I’m not them, okay? And I will not hurt you, I will not viote your confidentiality. It may be hard to believe, and I get it, but I’m not going to break your trust, okay? No matter what you say.”

  Rafael came back into the room. He brought with him a throw pillow from the main area, and handed it to Sheri.

  “What’s this for?” said Sheri.

  “In case you need to hit her.”

  Eine stared at the two of them, mouth agape in disbelief, as Sheri face-palmed.

  Rafael expined, “Bradley told me it was a thing you did.”

  “Rafael, I…”

  Then Sheri had a thought.

  “No, hold on. This could work. Rafael, could you hand the pillow to Eine?”

  Rafael shrugged and did so.

  “Eine. Sometimes when my client is saying something that I know is bullshit, and they know is bullshit, but they get stuck in that mindset anyway, I sometimes bop them with the pillow to get them to recognize that they’re bullshitting themselves. A little minor shock to the system,” Sheri gred at Rafael, “when it is useful and appropriate.”

  “However,” Sheri continued, “I’m starting to get a picture of what’s going on here. And there’s obviously a power-imbance here, at least, from your perspective. So, I’ll make a deal with you. We’ll just… talk, and if you think I’m doing something bad, or wrong, you can bop me with the pillow. Gently.”

  “That… strangely does make me feel better,” said Eine.

  “Mind if I infodump a little bit?” asked Sheri.

  Eine raised her eyebrows. Infodumping to her? This is going to be a novel experience.

  “I think what’s going on is that… again, bop me if I’m wrong… your previous retionships with therapists have not been one of equals, but where the psychologist had some sort of power over you. That’s not the case here. There is literally nothing I can do here. I don’t have that kind of power, I’m just here to talk.”

  “You could kick me off the show,” said Eine. “That’s… I don’t want to leave the show.”

  Sheri nodded. “That is true. In my personal medical judgement, if I feel that continuing is a threat to the safety and wellbeing of yourself and others, I could force you off the show. But that’s a high bar. It’s basically so that I could kick you off if the hormones or the gender dysphoria makes you suicidal or a potential harm to other people. Like if you were to get violent, for example. Pillow-based assault is exempted.”

  “So, you’re not going to… throw me off the show if you think there’s something wrong with me, but I’m not a threat to myself or others?”

  “Eine, I don’t know you that well, but I’m pretty darn sure there’s nothing wrong with you.”

  “Then you don’t know me that well,” said Eine.

  Rafael stifled a giggle with a snort. “Sorry.”

  “S’okay,” said Eine.

  Sheri shook her head, this was always harder when there was a third party in the room, but she really didn’t want to spook Eine at this point.

  “So. I guess I’ll just let you start, Eine. What’s on your mind?”

  Every word that came out, Eine had to pry from the back of her throat with force.

  “Well… I’m worried that… I might be… in… technical viotion… of… some… of the… esoteric… eligibility requirements,” said Eine. “And that could… result in… disqualification. Which… obviously, I don’t want.”

  “Eligibility requirements?” said Sheri.

  “I, uh, may have… it’s that… in order to be eligible, you have to be eighteen to thirty years old and…” said Eine.

  “Identify as male,” completed Sheri.

  Eine nodded, and Sheri sighed when it finally all clicked.

  “Rafael, I hate to ask this, but Eine… are you sure you wouldn’t prefer to talk one-on-one? You know,” she said, “just us girls?”

  Eine thought about that.

  “It’s okay if you need me to go, Eine,” said Rafael.

  “I mean,” Eine said, “I do have the throw pillow of doom.”

  “Right. I think you’re set then. I’ll be waiting outside if you need me,” said Rafael. “You’re going to be fine, Eine. I told you that you would.”

  “Alright,” Eine nodded. “But if you hear screaming, come back in here as soon as you can, okay?”

  “I promise,” said Rafael, as she headed out the door.

  A moment of tense silence, as the door shut and the knob rolled over.

  “You really think there would be screaming?” said Sheri.

  “I don’t know. Maybe.”

  “So, something tells me you’re not going back to ‘Ethan’ when you’re done with the show, hunh?” said Sheri.

  “No. No, I don’t think I am. I got too used to being Eine here. I honestly don’t want to go back on the break in three weeks. I kinda just want to… be here. Be Eine.”

  “When did you start to realize that you wanted to be Eine full time? When they were reading out the scores for the st challenge?”

  Eine shook her head.

  “When you first arrived here and started going by Eine and wearing women’s clothing?”

  Eine shook her head.

  “At the studio, when we expined the concept?”

  “No… and this is why I don’t want you to throw me off the show. I, uh, knew. Like, way before then. Does that mean I’m ineligible? Do I have to go?”

  “First, I’m not going to tell anyone anything. It’s in confidence, remember? Though I will tell you that the production team did start to suspect that you might be a trans woman, but they thought your egg cracked during the st challenge, so if you want to just say that’s what happened… that’s an option.”

  “Okay. So… I can lie. I’m getting good at that by now.”

  “Also, if you really want me to look it up, I could talk to the company’s wyer for a hypothetical answer to that…” Sheri shuddered, thinking of Roen, then continued, “...but I suspect that ‘identify as male’ is sufficiently broad as to say it could also mean that you have an ‘M’ on any legal document, or you identified as male at any point in your life. Oh, before I forget, congratutions!”

  “Congratutions?”

  “On coming out. At least to a therapist. Have you told anyone else?”

  “Yeah. Rafael. Obviously. And… Dr. Allred. My childhood therapist.”

  Eine curled up even tighter, and screwed her eyes shut.

  “And he told my parents. And they sent me to that summer camp…”

  Hoo boy, thought Sheri.

  ***

  Rafael – officially Rose now that she was no longer in Sheri’s office, waited patiently, as she had promised Eine.

  “FUEGO!” she heard, in what sounded like Leia’s voice.

  “What?” She saw Leia coming around the bend, with Jane.

  “Hey Rose!,” Jane said, beaming. She pointed at Rose with two finger guns. “FUEGO!”

  Leia raised both fists into the air “FUEGO!”

  “Fuego?” asked Rose.

  “FUEGO!” said Jane, triumphantly.

  “Oh!,” said Rose. She too raised both fists in the air and yelled “FUEGO!”

  Victoria came around the corner with Mara. “What the hell?” asked Vic.

  “FUEGO!” said Rose, pointing finger guns at Vic.

  “FUEGO!” said Jane, pointing finger guns at Mara.

  “Look, I can expin everything,” said Leia.

  “You can?” asked Mara.

  “Yes,” said Leia. “You see… FUEGO!” said Leia, raising both fists in the air.

  Vic and Mara looked at each other and simultaneously raised both fists in the air, and said, “FUEGO!”

  “What the hell is going on?!” yelled Diana, who came by at this time.

  “FUEGO!” everyone yelled, grinning.

  “What?” said Diana.

  “FUEGO!”

  “Why are you all yelling ‘Fuego’?”

  “Oh,” said Jane. “It was something Gucci was saying the locals were yelling at each other in the kitchen, we think it’s a way of wishing each other good luck in Mexico.”

  Diana’s jaw dropped.

  “It means ‘Fire!’ in Spanish, you morons!”

  Diana, followed by everyone else, ran to the kitchen area, only to find that the entire kitchen and adjacent dining area was absolutely flooded from the sprinkler system, and the smoke arms were bring. Gucci was standing there, soaking wet, with a fire extinguisher in her hand. Dr. Guiterrez and Pranav were tending to Terryl Gordon, the acting director, who had some pretty nasty looking burns on his arm.

  “Sorry, my bad everyone,” said Gucci. “Apparently, Terryl’s shirt caught fire when he was trying to make breakfast for himself in a frilled sleeve shirt. As soon as I realized that there was an emergency and not, you know, a fiesta, I grabbed the extinguisher, and fetched Dr. G and Dr. V. They’ve already called 911, and an ambunce is already on the way.”

  ***

  “So,” said Eine. “As far as my parents know, I’m ‘cured.’ They were able to ‘get to me in time.’ And because I didn’t want to go back to that pce - back to the long hours of work without sleep… I pyed along.”

  “I’m so sorry, Eine. I’m so sorry that happened to you.”

  “I really didn’t know what this contest was before the big reveal, I promise you. My sister was the one who signed me up. And I pyed along in order to get some revenge on my sister… but also to… like… to throw my family off my scent?”

  “Have you even told your family what the contest is about?”

  “They still think it’s a macho-man contest. Which… to be honest, is hirious,” Eine smirked. “But uh, no. As soon as I realized what this was going to be, I, uh, I realized I could just… go with it. And say I wasn’t doing it because I was trans, that I was just doing it for the money.”

  “A perfect cover story for transitioning while in the closet,” Sheri noted.

  “But I did something stupid. I… didn’t know if I could do this alone. So… I… well, I didn’t lie to Leonard. But I convinced him that it would be worth doing for the money. At least for the first couple of months, anyway. And I thought it wouldn’t be a big deal. He’d just drop out. Until I saw how Bradley reacted. And he wasn’t even on the estrogen yet! God, I’m such a monster.”

  “Have you told Leonard that you’re a trans woman?”

  “No. I mean, he’d understand. He’d more than understand… me being trans, at least. I think he’d even be happy for me.”

  “Why not tell him?”

  “Because it might get uncomfortable. I really don’t want that to happen. I… kinda… he’s… his friendship is really important to me, and I don’t want him to think that I… ugh.”

  “What, Eine?”

  “I’m afraid if I come out to him as a woman, I also have to come out to him as straight. That is… attracted to men.”

  “Uh huh.”

  “Specifically, one particur man. God, I must be pathetic. Holding onto this huge crush for my best friend that he can never return because I was born with the wrong bits. Who develops an unrequited crush on their best friend and just keeps hanging out with them? Who would be so idiotic as to be putting themselves through that torture?”

  ***

  “These Mexican Cokes are the real deal,” said Jamie. “And these tacos are great! The turkey is just so tender.”

  “I know,” said Sam, “I passed by this pce the other day and thought - this would be a good little pce to unwind.”

  They had decided to try out a little bit of the local fvor at a small Taqueria in the Mercado Santiago, including some relleno negro salbutes - turkey tacos, where they fry the tortil in oil until it becomes crispy, then smother it in a bck crispy sauce with hardboiled eggs on top.

  “So, how are you feeling?” asked Sam.

  “A little gassy,” said Jamie. “I didn’t expect these cokes to be so filling, you know, but that must be from the real sugar instead of the corn syrup they use back home.”

  “Jamie. I meant ‘how are you feeling on the estrogen?’”

  “Oh. That. Well… I mean, okay, I guess. It was just one shot, I wasn’t expecting anything to change overnight.”

  “Oh,” said Sam, sounding a little disappointed. “Not even like, all the little side effects?”

  “Like what?”

  “Well, for example, Pranav said one of the first side-effects is that you won’t get any more unpnned erections.”

  Jamie blinked.

  “Sam… I’m forty-five. I stopped getting unpnned erections when I started needing unpnned afternoon naps.”

  “I keep forgetting that you’re over forty,” said Sam.

  Jamie shrugged. “I work in television. Had to take good care of my skin. Speaking of which. Hold on. You’ve got a little bit of schmutz on you. Hold still.”

  Jamie reached over with a napkin and brushed a bit of the bck chili sauce from the corner of Sam’s mouth.

  “Schmutz?” asked Sam.

  “Yiddish.” said Jamie. “Something my grandmother used to say when I was a child.”

  “You know, you don’t talk about your family much,” said Sam.

  “Not my favorite subject,” said Jamie. “I mean, if you really want to know, but… I was pretty much raised by my grandmother. My mom died young, and I haven’t been in contact with my dad.”

  “Why not?”

  “Keep in mind, this happened when I was like two or three years old, so I didn’t… I didn’t get the worst of it. But, uh, yeah, Dad… was the one who killed Mom. And I went to live with my maternal grandmother.”

  “Oh, Jamie, I’m so sorry!”

  “No, I mean, as I said, two or three years old, I didn’t… really get to know either of them. Except when Bubbe and Zayde talked about Mom. Even then it was all second-hand, you know? A good woman who met a bad man. You know, I wonder if…” Jamie trailed off, drumming her fingers on the table, and took a swig of the coke before continuing.

  “I mean, for the longest time, I wondered if the reason I got along so much better with women than with men was because of deep seated trauma reted to what happened with Mom. Because it certainly couldn’t have been because I was actually a girl this whole time without even knowing it, right?” Jamie winked. “God. My entire life, I’m going to have to re-examine it now.”

  “You’ve got time. And friends,” said Sam.

  “I know. I wish that I just had figured it out a long ti–” Jamie was interrupted by Sam’s phone going off.

  “Ooh, sorry, I should get this,” said Sam. “It’s Pranav. Maybe we’ve had another dropout.”

  Sam answered the phone.

  “Hi, this is Sam, what’s up Pranav?”

  Sam’s face immediately turned to shock.

  “The hospital?”

  ***

  Standings: ContestantStatusWinningsPenaltiesCash-outTotalPyers Remaining: 8Diana (Jett)Active100-5 95Prize Pot: 88,160Eine (Ethan)Active10500 1050Cash-Out: 5,510Jane (Jacob)Active4000 400 Judi "Gucci" (Jude "Gooch")Active10000 1000 Leia (Leonard)Active10500 1050 Mara (Oscar)Active250-5 245 Rose (Rafael)Active1100-25 1075 Victoria (Victor)Active650-105 545  BradleyCashed Out: Month 1100-203,4213,501