saw that an army of skeletons appeared. The girl smiled and looked around, unchaining herself as if nothing happened. "I have finally trapped you with no escape."

  Jesus had no idea what was going on, so, like any reasonable person, he asked, "What is going on?"

  "My name is Aliana. And I know yours, Jesus. You are the grandson of God."

  Jesus was surprised at this. "Usually, people believe I am the son of God or even God itself. How did you know?"

  Aliana smirked. "I have my way. I also know that God will not help you unless it suits his machinations. So, I am free to do anything with you right now, exactly because he wants nothing from you right now." Aliana picked up a chain and threw it towards Jesus. "Pick it up", she said. Jesus smiled and said, "No, I will never pick this chain up."

  Aliana nodded and said, "Fine, I wanted to do certain unspeakable things with your body, but since you said no, we will leave."

  She lead her skeleton army outside, saying as a parting phrase, "Goodbye."

  Suddenly, an alien organization broke into the cave. Their representative stole Jesus into their star system.

  Graham, on Earth, was being very naughty. He haven't seen his father Liam for a long time, so he was very bored. Thus, he decided it was time to go, found a devise that aged him up and rapidly became 150 years old. He then got his Gorilla World Record for being the oldest man alive and then he ages himself up using the machine for yet another five years. Then, his body passed away.

  When his mother Clarice found Graham's old body and the news reporters, she saw that Graham died from old age.

  "But he is only eight months old!"

  "No, miss. Graham Lunberg is 155 years old, the oldest man who ever lived."

  "That is not true," Clarice said. "The truth is..."

  But a truck hit her so no one knew what she meant to say except the truck. The truck left just as it appeared: through a portal.

  Meanwhile, in another world without all this drama, a girl named Liurtisa was born in a pile of snow. The moment her mother finished the birthing process, she left to the other country to take some milk but never came back.

  "Hm," said Liurtisa to herself. "Where is my mother?" But no one replied. "Hm, where is my father?" But no one replied. Thus Liurtisa grew for a few years, living in the tundra alone. She neither drank nor ate and thus was very hungry. One day, when she was three years old, she saw that a boy was eating an apple. She punched the boy and then proceeded to consume the apple. She found that a random collection of insects has assembled here and then they ate the body of the boy in a hurry. A sudden cry allowed the boy to resurrect himself and he ran away, screaming: "Help, someone is killing me!"

  Liurtisa scowled and threw an apple core at him. It hit his head and killed him again. Yet another cry could be heard from the forest. This cry allowed the boy to be resurrected again. The boy got up and ran off, screaming into the distance, "Please!"

  Liurtisa ran after him, throwing a spider at him. When the spider hit him, the boy became fused with it, and the spiderboy turned around and attacked Liurtisa.

  "No you don't," Liurtisa said and teleported to another world. The spiderboy followed her and they now stood on top of a tall building. They faced off.

  "You stole my apple, girl. What's your name?"

  Liurtisa suddenly died of a heart attack.

  The spiderboy took her body and here the story ends and another begins. Once upon a time, a lumberjack has lived. His name was Asore. He was called Asore because he was always sore. He complained about this to his wife and then he died.

  Yet another story begins. This time it is about a man who never once ate a tomato. His name was One Who Never Ate A Tomato or Ownaat for short. Ownaat never ate a potato either, but this was due to him having a potato allergy. The reason for this allergy was simply that his mother ate too many potatoes during her pregnancy with Ownaat. Because of that, Ownaat really liked eating mangoes.

  "Hello, bro," a mango said as it enter Ownaat's basement. Ownaat looked at the mango. "What is your name, dear mango?"

  "My name is nothing more and nothing less than your greatest desire."

  Ownaat pondered this proposition and he thought about it. He decided that it was time for him to remove himself from this situation and he replied, "I desire nothing but a kingdom for me to rule."

  The mango replied, "My name is thus I Desire Nothing But A Kingdom For Me To Rule, or Idonibakfomater."

  Ownaat scowled. "That's still much too long."

  Idonibakfomater slapped Ownaat. Ownaat did not react much, he merely continued to wait for Idonibakfomater's response. Finally, the mango said, "Fine, we can make it Fomater for short." Fomater then lead Ownaat into the outside world. Ownaat never went outside because he liked his basement. He lived alone but he never even went inside his own kitchen. He said to Fomater, "One moment, I might have forgot to disable the oven."

  "Let's see, where is your kitchen?"

  "It's inside my house. So, we have to go back," Ownaat said. Fomater smirked. "You are just pulling my leg, are you not?"

  "Why would I do that? I just haven't seen my kitchen for two decades."

  They came back and entered the kitchen. Inside they found dinosaur and crickets coexisting together with various species of trees and bushes.

  Fomater whistled. "I see, I see. So, this is how lazy you are. You are better off selling this house. But make sure you do not show it to the buyer or else the buyer might sue you, Ownaat."

  "Too late, I just booked a date. Tomorrow a prospective buyer will visit."

  "Well, we must flee to another world now", Fomater said, "Please pray to Truck-sama immediately, Ownaat. This is for your own good."

  "I do not believe in Truck-sama. I do not believe in gravity. I do not believe," said Ownaat, glaring murder at Fomater, "in kindness."

  Fomater put a praying mat on the grass outside the front door and then forced Ownaat to pray.

  This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.

  Ownaat resisted but after the mango injected a variety of psychoactive drugs inside the struggler, relaxed and prayed for two hours straight.

  "Oh Truck-sama," said Ownaat at last, "I beseech you, I am begging you, grant me speechless abilities of the night and shadow demons."

  Truck-sama appeared out of nowhere. Ownaat smiled and was taken. Fomater followed suit. Together, they transferred their souls to a sterile government room. A nasty secretary looked them over and said to them, "I process thousands of idiots like you every minute and yet you are the first to come in such a hurry to get out. I can smell your refusal to stay here any longer. So, I propose to you this method of reincarnation: both of you will become the children of the deity of Truck-sama in the world known as Linu. Linu is a world of boundless potential. So, what say you, nasty people?"

  "You are right, we are in a hurry," said Ownaat, "so, we will take you up on your offer."

  Having said that, Ownaat waited. The mango said nothing. The secretary merely type on his keyboard for about three minutes. "Okay, this is done. Welcome to the Truck-sama Express."

  "Yes. Now, I am eager to meet Graham.", Ownaat said.

  "Graham is from the world of Truck-sama?", Fomater asked.

  "Yes, Graham is a long dead son of the granddaughter of God."

  "How did you hear of that?", the secretary asked in alarm.

  "A little spidercat called Epche told me", Ownaat replied.

  "And you, mango?", the secretary looked at Fomater.

  "And I have the telepathic skills to share knowledge with anyone who I meet, so I pulled it out of Ownaat."

  "Wait, can you read my mind, too?", the secretary gasped in shock and fear. "I carry a lot of state secrets!"

  Fomater shook his head slowly and very sadly. "I know this would be good, but unfortunately I can only read the minds of those with whom I interacted for at least three hours. You we just met, so—"

  The two of them were kicked out by the secretary immediately and sent off to this new world.

  "I hope all the trash isekai novels I read will be useful," said Ownaat.

  "You read novels? Pfft," said Fomater with unbridled derision, "I only watch anime. It is superior to filthy novels."

  The secretary suddenly appeared behind them. "I will have you two know that I will never agree to people saying bad things about anime."

  "I was saying bad things about novels," Fomater objected.

  The secretary said, "Same thing, buddy."

  The two, Fomater and Ownaat were a little tired of the secretary, so instead of listening to him they just walked off. But they had no idea that doing that would be a cause of much pain, because apparently, it was illegal in the world of Truck-sama to ignore the secretary while he was talking to you, so the secretary used this law to assign the two a punishment they found dreadful and the secretary found delightful: from now on until they defeat the Sedan Lord they had to endure the secretary's presence.

  "Oh no," Ownaat said. How could this be?

  The secretary introduced himself as Fivechan. When asked why was he named fivechan, he replied that his parents were frequent users of another site with a similar name. Fivechan hated his parents exactly because they were drug addicts.

  "I hope they gave you sufficient womb addiction that we can control you with cocaine, Fivechan," said Fomater shrewdly.

  "What's a womn addiction," Ownaat asked with mild curiosity.

  "Nothing, it just means... Well, his mother got pregnant. With cocaine floating in her body and Fivechan inside her womb... He probably is addicted from the moment he was generated in that womb, amirite?" He said, looking at Fivechan in askance.

  Fivechan nodded, showing them needles with cocaine. "I must use this every hour or else I become sluggish and sleepy."

  "When was the last time you slept?" Fomater asked.

  "About twenty years ago", said Fivechan.

  "Guys, we gotta eat some food," Ownaat said, interrupting them.

  "Okay," Fomater said and the three of them hunted for three bunnies. The bunnies were very angry and almost slaughtered them. However, the two men and one mango survived.

  "Very tasty, these angry rabbits are."

  "I am vegan, by the way," said Fivechan.

  "Oh, why did you hunt with us, then?", Fomater asked.

  "Well, I am vegan but I kill animals for fun. I just don't eat them.

  "Oh, so you are... like, a bad evil vegan?"

  "Exactly! This is because of my cocaine addiction. I blame everything on my parents."

  "Okay, how about we get you some veggies after we get to a city?"

  The trio moved through the desert and they walked for miles of hot, rocky sand before they saw a caravan moving slowly up south.

  "Okay, now we must rob every person in there and steal their camels. Any ideas?", Fomater said.

  "How about we just ask for some help and go with them wherever they are going?"

  "Boring, but will work as well," said Fomater. So they decided.

  They shouted for the caravan to notice them and they eventually succeded. "What are you guys doing out here?" The caravan leader, a purple-skinned man called Hater said.

  "We are looking for a city", Fivechan said.

  "Oh, I see. How did you end up out here?"

  "Well, we robed another caravan blind and ended up here", Ownaat lied shrewdly. Hater looked pleased. "Okay, I am happy. The less competitors the better. I will bring you for free to Lurep, the nearest city."

  "Yay," said Ownaat and winked at Fomater and Fivechan.

  The next day, the caravan moved through a sand storm and the next.

  In another location, far away from this desert, the Sedan Lord smirked while observing the caravan moving through the sandstorm he created.

  "I hope my sandstorm will succeed", the Sedan Lord whispered. "I really wanna take this caravan out because I dislike haters.

  "My Lord, but Hater is just named Hater, he is not your hater.", his Pizza General, Neona, said.

  "I know," he retorted, "but I can't convince myself fully. Thus I must act according to my doubts."

  Neona shrugged. "Okay, fine."

  Another General, Jorg, smiled shrewdly and said, "My Lord, how about this: I replace Neona and instead hunt all your haters for you."

  The Sedan Lord glared at Jorg and asked, "You dislike your current work?"

  Jorg said, "No, of course not. I merely wish to spice my duties up."

  The Sedan Lord stood up and thought about this. "How about this: whoever kills Hater and his friends first gets to have one of their most desired wishes come true. Neona, Jorg, this competition is for you."

  "Aww, what about me?", pouted their Cookie General, Auroda.

  "For you, Auroda," said the Sedan Lord calmly, "I have a better task."

  ***

  Hater, Ownaat, Fivechan and Fomater sat together in a corner of the tents and ate some barbeque. Fivechan was given barbeque made of wheat.

  "So, what are you going to do in the city?", Hater asked.

  "Well," said Fomater, "I have been wanting to try some gambling. So, I am planning on... Doing some gambling. I am planning on winning big and then retiring. I don't care about some sedans."

  "But who will defeat the Sedan Lord then?", a terrified boy by the name of Akat, who was passing by their tent, asked.

  "Well," said Fomater, "I suppose your mother might be a good canditate for a hero, after she is done with me."

  "My mother is dead," Akat laughed and pointed a finger at Fomater, "your tricks won't work on someone as amazing as me."

  "Well," said Fomater, "I am a necromancer. Every night I revive both of your parents and together, we have lots of consensual fun."

  Akat ran away, crying his eyes out.

  "So, you admit your defeat," Fomater cried at him and laughed.

  Hater looked conflicted. "As the caravan leader, I would ask you to refrain from such behaviour, Fomater. This is your first and last warning, Fomater. If you ever behave like this while in my caravan, I will eject you, and your friends will have to wait for you to cross the desert on your own."

  Fomater accepted defeat and said, "Fine, I will go apologize to that boy." Hater agreed it would be for the best.

  "You know, I bet Fomater is just gonna kill the boy and ran," Ownaat mused. "He is petty like that."

  "Surely you jest," Hater said with concern. "Or else we must pause our conversation and run at once."

  Fivechan said, "I bet that mango will slice the poor kid's throat if we don't prevent that! Let's go!"

  They run after Fomater.

  But they were too late. Akat was found with a sliced throat, exactly as Fivechan had predicted, and Fomater was eaten by a caravan member and then possessed by the demonic mango. After that, Fomater took the poor member's body and left the area.

  "Oh no" said Hater. He turned to look at Ownaat and Fivechan. "I lost two members today. I am gonna kill you two as vengeance."

  Ownaat and Fivechan looked at each other and ran off. Hater followed them together with the whole caravan. Like this, they reached the city much sooner than expected.

  Akat, the other caravan member, Ownaat, Fivechan and Fomater revealed to Hater that this was their ruse to make Hater speed up the slow movement pace.

  Hater was shocked. As an apology they decided to take him to a chocolate cake shop.

  There, they found a young beauty. "Hey, handsome people," the feme beauty said to them, "what are your names? If you answer, I shall gift you some cakes of your choosing."

  "Who are you, lady?", asked Hater suspiciously.

  "I am... let's say, hypothetically... my name, theoretically, metaphorically, laconically and draconicaly... is Port."

  Everyone of the company stared at... this suspicious Port character.

  "You seem to be an impostor."

  "I realize that," Port said, "yet I know you will not be able to refuse my advances. So, cakes everyone?"

  On one of the counter, a long sign said:

  "If one wants to order a cake, one must let our chefs know the password. The password is:

  A A B B E E Seven Seven Seven Oh No"

  "Fomater, what would you like," Hater asked.

  "I will choose for him," said Port. "Fomater would like to eat some Hater cake." Port grabbed Fomater's hand and made a cake out of it. She then grabbed Hate's hand and made a cake out of it too.

  "The first one is for me. Here, Fomater, this one is for you."

  "Okay, fine," said Fomater and tried the human cake. "Hm, yummy, I didn't know humans were so tasty. I might become a human eater."

  Ownaat said, "Oh no, soon you will bring all your friends mangoes to eat us!"

  Fomater replied, "Indeed, this is my goal." He tried some more Hater cake. "How is my mango flesh, Hater?" Hater tried Fomater's mango hand and gave a thumbs up with his only hand. "Pretty nice," Hater vocalized a few seconds later.

  "Amirite," Ownaat asked.

  Port asked, "About what?"

  Ownaat smiled at her. "About anything."

  Port said, "No, of course not. But I am."

  Ownaat scowled and growled and smirked and bawled. "I understand why people at that table whisper about you as the princess. You are indeed the princess of cruelty."

  Port gasped. "How did you know?"

  Ownaat said, "Your behaviour shows it, that is how."

  "Let's just eat, guys, food is more important than friends and princesses. Especially when it is made out of human flesh.", Fomater said.

  Ownaat and Fivechan and Port dug in. They also enjoyed the cake made out of Hater's friend's brother's sister's hand (Hater explained that his original body was long replaced by the body parts of his friends and relatives and that this was their clan's tradition to exchange body parts with each other with abandon).

  "I really enjoy your friend's brother's sister's hand."

  Hater nodded with a smile, "I am glad you say that because I think so too."

  Port invited them all to her castle. It turned out she really was the kingdom's princess, although it was difficult to say why she was so bored all the time.

  "This is because ruling a kingdom is bored and I want to have as much fun as possible. Do you understand? Nod if yes", she said.

  Hater nodded, but Fomater shook his mango head. Ownaat was sleeping on the table and the Fivechan was smiling with bliss.

  "The reason for me not understanding this matter deeply," Fomater explained, "is that I really hate princesses who are bored. I really hate bored people, because bored people are boring. In my humble mango opinion, of course.", he added out of humble politeness.

  "Okay, now you will face the wrath of Port", Port said. She ate Fomater and so said, "I am a mango eater. I am an exile. But I will never regret this decision."

  Port was apprehended by her guards but she killed them. She said, "You won't believe for how much time i wanted to do that!" She then ran off and the knights who remained alive chased her to no avail.

  "Well, this was something", Ownaat commented. "I am really sad Fomater died, though. Are you?"