Volume 4 Chapter 21 Midnight Song

  Sitting like this, I feel suffocated and don't even notice the passage of time. From dawn till dusk, the changes in light and shadow are all unknown to me.

  In such a heavy silence, Yu Jing's anxiety grew, and she could only carefully and apologetically say: "Miss, I must have misspoken?"

  I just shook my head, "No."

  "Miss, if I've done something wrong, just scold me or hit me, but please don't sulk alone."

  I slowly shook my head, "Bianbi, I'm not mad at you, I just want some quiet time to think."

  Lan Yu didn't dare speak again, quietly lowering her head and sitting beside me with a worried look that also evoked sympathy.

  The sky gradually darkened, and I had no choice but to get up and light the candles one by one. The soft red flames jumped quietly in the warm air, like a weak and struggling heart.

  I only heard a faint footsteps, I turned my head to look, but saw Xuan Qing coming in. I didn't want him to know what was on my mind, so I gathered my spirits, smiled and bowed: "Your Highness, why are you here at this hour, have you had dinner?"

  He smiled: "Just returned from the Wang Mansion, had a meal there."

  I smiled and said: "You can go to the Wang Fu for a walk now, it's clear that your body is almost recovered."

  He patted his shoulder and laughed loudly: "It's been many years since I've been ill, now I'm completely fine." He looked around and asked: "Is the accommodation at Xiao Xian Guan okay?"

  I laughed at him and said: "Every time you come back, you have to ask like this. You're not tired of it, I'm tired of it. I can only say it once more, Xiao Xian Guan is very good."

  His eyes were extremely good, and at a glance, he saw that the food on the table in front of me hadn't been touched. He couldn't help but say, "Why haven't you eaten anything? Doesn't the food agree with your stomach?"

  Just as Bixia was about to speak, I smiled and said: "It's not that it doesn't agree with my stomach, it's just that I feel a bit greasy on my tongue and am too lazy to eat. Let's put it aside for now, when I'm hungry I'll naturally eat."

  Xuan Qing slightly furrowed her brow, speaking in a tone as if coaxing a child, "If your tongue feels greasy, just let the kitchen make some light and refreshing dishes. Don't trouble your stomach for no reason. You eat so little, how can you recover?" He turned to instruct Yu Mei: "Go tell the kitchen to make some more light and appetizing dishes, paired with plain congee is fine. I'll keep your young mistress company while she eats."

  I hurriedly went to intercept him and said: "Why bother with such trouble, I won't be able to eat it all, Your Highness is making a fuss for nothing."

  He sat down with a smile, called Ah Jin to move a small round table made of pear wood to my bedside, and said with a smile: "Just now in the Wang's mansion, what we ate was just a mere formality, and I didn't eat enough. Now, please keep me company, and let's have something to fill our stomachs together."

  I knew he deliberately wanted me to eat something, and it was not easy to decline this kind intention. So I had to smile and agree, saying: "What delicacies are there in the Wang's mansion that you have to rush all the way to Qingliangtai to use some?"

  He didn't explain either, just smiled and said: "Just thinking about it."

  Bing Qing responded and went out. Xuan Qing didn't say much either, only picking topics I liked to discuss. I said: "The weather outside is not good, Your Highness doesn't need to come back and forth frequently." Turning my face towards the window, "I wonder how Yan Suo is doing alone in the mountains."

  He smiled and said, "I just went to see Xun Yu on my way here. Everything is fine. She's only thinking of you." He also talked about Xun Yu's situation in the mountain, and had already instructed someone to send charcoal, clothes, and food over. I nodded deeply, feeling his thoughtfulness and thoroughness. The two of us sat facing each other with a lamp between us, and as I listened intently, it seemed like there was a clear singing voice coming from outside the window, but it was actually the gentle chorus of women's voices.

  I listened for a while, and then smiled to myself: "It seems like they're singing 'Midnight Song', are the songstresses of Qingliangtai singing?"

  His lips moved slightly, bringing out a faint and warm smile, and he said in a slow voice: "The 'Midnight Four Seasons Song' is sung according to the four seasons, I often order the maids of Qingliangtai to sing according to the scenery of the four seasons. Now in winter, what they sing is the winter song."

  I couldn't help but smile with joy, "Only the prince would do such a elegant thing." I responded to their singing, slowly reciting each sentence, "The ice is three feet thick, and the snow covers a thousand miles. My heart is like a pine tree, what can your feelings be compared to? The road is slippery and no one travels, braving the cold to search for each other. If you don't believe me now, just look at the footprints in the snow. The cold birds perch on tall trees, the withered forest sighs in the sad wind. For joy, I am exhausted, how can I still have a good complexion?..."

  His smile unfolded like the sunshine on a spring day, seemingly carrying the fresh and straightforward air of Guang Yulan, making me dazed. He slowly said: "There are seventeen Winter Songs, this is just the first three."

  I listened carefully, and the songstresses seemed to be singing in harmony from afar, their voices not loud but delicate and lingering, as if a thread of silver was winding its way up, making the flavor endless, slowly pouring into my heart. However, those songstresses were leisurely repeating the three songs.

  I slightly felt puzzled and asked: "Why only sing these few songs, and won't continue singing?"

  He shook his head, a spark of anger flashing in his eyes, then dimming down, but only smiled and remained silent.

  Just then, Fen Bi walked in, smiling brightly: "The dishes are ready, Miss and Prince Wang, please have a taste."

  But it was a four-color dish, with chicken gizzards, water chestnut soup, dragon whisker greens and a Fuzhou-style meat floss dish, accompanied by a plate of rose petal pastry and a bowl of scalding hot white porridge. Xuan Qing smiled at Huan Bi and said: "You're really very thoughtful."

  Her expression changed slightly, and she couldn't help but smile, like two pink spring flowers blooming. "Yes. Dragon beard vegetables and Fujian meat floss are what the prince usually likes, so I had the kitchen prepare them." Her face turned slightly red, then immediately returned to its usual calm: "Cai Lan mentioned it once before."

  Xuan Qing seemed to have not heard, and only said: "Your family's young lady likes chicken gizzards and water shield soup, and these two things are best paired with congee to drink down."

  But it was my turn to be surprised, and I said: "How did you know, Your Highness?"

  He simply replied, "You don't eat much normally, but you have these two things every day and move the most."

  My heart skipped a beat, and I was almost stunned, as if I were following my aunt to the hot spring when I was young. In fact, the water in the spring wasn't very hot, but the rock crevices at the bottom of the spring slowly released warm water. Just that slight temperature difference made me feel like the whole spring water wasn't so cool anymore. At this moment, I must have looked stunned, and Bianbi was also dazed and didn't know what to do.

  I was speechless for a moment, and could only force a smile to say: "Thank you, Your Highness, for your concern." I glanced around and changed the subject, smiling at Huan Bi: "This rose jam smells great, just smelling it is making me hungry."

  Miss Lin's expression was somewhat uneasy, and she forced a smile as she explained: "It's not difficult. Just pick some fresh roses that have been exposed to dew, add some rock sugar and dried plum, mash them together, and it's done. If you like it, Miss, I can ask them to prepare it for you every day."

  I waved my hand and said, "It was just a casual remark, don't bother about it."

  Xuan Qing picked up his chopsticks and said warmly, "If you like it, have some more."

  For a moment, both of them were speechless, the food was in their mouths, and they felt that the sourness, sweetness, bitterness, and spiciness were all very flavorful, penetrating to the tip of their tongues and between their teeth, leaving no gaps, with the five flavors intertwined.

  She retreated far away, standing under the thick cotton curtain in front of the door. The curtain was a light apricot yellow color, with emerald green bamboo embroidered on it, branch after branch overlapping and swaying in the wind. Huanbi wore a plain blue jacket at home, without any floral patterns, and a dark green velvet skirt, also a uniform blue dress. Standing under the curtain like this, she seemed to have merged into it, her colors indistinguishable, just a dull and blurry silhouette.

  Xuan Qing and I were both quiet, but that distant song drifted into our ears, making us feel refreshed.

  I put down my chopsticks, and the fine silver chain between them made a soft tinkling sound, like a whisper. I smiled faintly: "I've figured out why the songstress only sang the first three verses of 'Midnight Winter Song'." My smile gradually faded away, "Because as it goes on, the emotions become increasingly desolate, with no way to escape. Where can we tie our hearts together? Under the cypress tree in Western Hill. Dangling without four walls, the severe frost is killing me... All the way until I saw the three suns, the cold cicada had started singing again. Moved by the times, I sighed with joy, white hair and green temples grew."

  He smiled faintly and stopped his chopsticks: "The emotions described by Dong Ge are naturally solemn, desolate and bleak, like winter snow covering the vast land, with no signs of life to be found, making people feel heartbroken and desperate."

  I still smiled, but the desolate emotions in my words could no longer be restrained. "The Song of Four Seasons" is written according to the four seasons, and the cycle of spring, summer, autumn, and winter never ends. A segment of emotions has the warmth of spring, the passion of summer, and must also go through the sorrow of autumn and the bleakness of winter. Who would have thought that there would be a day when "white hair is born with green youth"? The mandarin ducks wove their nest, wanting to fly together, but in the end, they didn't fly, after all, it's pitiful to turn white before growing old... So, it's better to be heartless from the start and avoid countless sorrows.

  He was somewhat surprised, yet also expected it, and said: "The end of love is not necessarily sorrowful. If we say that the fulfillment of love requires the harmony of heaven, earth, and human, then now that we have the harmony of heaven and earth, the harmony of human is only a matter of human effort."

  "So..." I turned around and gazed at him, with a hint of stubbornness and pride in my tone, "Has the prince ever been in love with a woman?"

  He silently nodded in agreement, turned his head around after a moment and said: "None."

  I've been through it, so I understand. Ashamed to say, I'm a veteran. I smiled faintly, my thoughts as bleak as the cold weather outside the window. The charcoal fire crackled inside, but all I felt was a stinging sensation in the corners of my eyes, probably from the smoke. In fact, the charcoal burning in the brazier was top-quality silver charcoal, without a hint of smoke, and with a few slices of orange peel added to it, filling the air with a refreshing fragrance, not a single whiff of smoke or fire. I spoke slowly: "Some things, if you know from the start that they can't end well, then don't be foolishly optimistic and try to force a good outcome. Take my past relationship with him, for example - if I had treated him like any other imperial concubine from the beginning, seeking only wealth and glory without true feelings, perhaps today I would still be standing tall in the palace. And it wouldn't have come to this point, where my family is implicated and my father and brother are affected."

  As I spoke, I didn't even want to mention Lian Xuanling's name, and instead referred to him as "he". Xuanqing naturally understood. And the other implication in my words, although I only hinted at it, he probably understood that too.

  His eyes had already lost their sound, and a layer of coolness like frost had formed on top. In the midst of this coolness, there seemed to be a faint blue flame burning steadily. He said, "Just because you've been hurt once, does that mean you have to lose hope in all the love in the world?"

  I didn't respond to him, but instead leaned on my hand and said slowly: "Has the king ever heard of the legend of the White Snake? It's said that in ancient times, a white snake spirit cultivated for thousands of years and transformed into human form, all for the sake of finding the most ordinary husband-and-wife relationship in the mortal world. In the drizzle by West Lake, they met at Broken Bridge, shared a boat ride, and fixed their love under a paper umbrella. Bai Suzhen and Xu Xian eventually became a married couple. They weren't without affection, but couldn't withstand the slightest provocation from Fahai. Even after having Xu Xian's children, he still didn't want to turn back and help her, and even personally fed her the poisonous wine. It's pitiful that the White Snake went through so much for such a man - flooding Jinshan, stealing the magic herb, managing the household, giving birth to sons and daughters... All because she was an outcast, even though she treated Xu Xian with all her heart, it was still unforgivable. In the end, she was forever imprisoned under the Leifeng Pagoda.

  He looked at me with a smile that was also devoid of warmth and said, "I've heard that it's only when the Leifeng Pagoda collapses and the West Lake dries up that the White Maiden can escape."

  I gave a cold smile, "Where can it be? This is just a little promise given to Bai Niangzi by later generations. Nowadays, the West Lake scenery is like a painting, the Leifeng Pagoda stands tall and unshakeable, the lake water is renewed every year, like two shining pearls reflecting each other. Who has ever seen anyone escape from this life? It's just a pity that Bai Niangzi is forever trapped at the bottom of the Leifeng Pagoda, in an endless sea of suffering, unable to transcend. Xu Xian lived a peaceful and safe life until old age. I'm afraid he wouldn't even think about the woman who had risked her life for him, with a heart full of devotion." I raised my eyes to look at him, and unconsciously, a sharp resentment appeared in them, like a double-edged sword, its cold air piercing both him and me. "How could he think about it? In his eyes, she was just a snake spirit trying to seduce him and plot against his life." I wondered if Bai Niangzi had any regrets, trapped in the dark confinement of the Leifeng Pagoda, regretting that day when she met Xu Xian on the Broken Bridge, giving birth to that thread of love, which led her to suffer until now, forever lost. I hardened my heart and finally couldn't help but say directly: "If I were Bai Niangzi, I would definitely regret it. I'd rather never have met him, never known him, and lived a life without ever interacting with him."

  In my heart, there is a surging tide of madness, wave after wave crashing against the shore of my soul with an unutterable sorrow. The waves rolled in one by one, all in shades of pink to eerie colors, pink apricot blossoms like eerie claw marks, dancing wildly across the sky. Behind the dense and lush flower shadows, was his face. His voice sank deeply into my ears, and the first words he spoke were: "I am... Qinghe Wang."

  But it turned out that from the first sentence when we met, he had been deceiving me.

  After the sourness, I only feel a stuffy chest, and I almost want to vomit. I almost hate myself for remembering.

  His eyes had a faint, fiery spark, emitting a soft blue glow, as if he understood the pity, "So, you also regret that day when he pretended to be me and got acquainted with you, don't you?"

  I was startled, but immediately pretended nothing had happened and calmly asked: "How did you know?"

  He slightly patted his collar and said, "He told me himself." His expression was complex and difficult to describe. "Until I saw you, until he told me that you were the woman he met under the apricot tree in Upper Lin Garden. That's when I realized." He smiled self-deprecatingly, "The encounters of this world are hard to distinguish, just like how your small portrait is clearly in my hand, and it was clear that he met you under my name, and at first..." The spark in his eyes jumped suddenly and then dimmed. "At first, you thought the person you liked was me. But in the end, the one who possessed you was him. You and I, it seems like we always missed something."

  There was something in his eyes, I clearly saw it, but I didn't dare to deeply believe. My heart was racing, but I only maintained a calm demeanor, "You and I are in the palace, I only know that once you enter the palace gates, it's like being in the deep sea, and anything or anyone can be missed." I slowly stirred the porridge in my bowl, lowered my head and calmly said: "I don't know about your circumstances, nor do I want to know. And as for my own circumstances, I'd rather forget them, please Your Highness, let's not mention it again."

  He slightly raised the corners of his mouth, somewhat heartbroken, and said: "I'd rather you forget forever."

  "Yes." I nodded my head and said, "Because I don't want to believe it, so I have to forget. Also afraid of having others." I lowered my voice and said gloomily, "In the 'Tang Book - Music Record', it says, 'The 'Zi Ye Song' is a Jin tune. There was a woman named Zi Ye in the Jin Dynasty who created this melody, which is extremely sorrowful.' Although the 'Zi Ye Song' has been passed down through generations and is still widely sung today, no one knows how the Jin woman experienced joy and sorrow, longing and disappointment, until she finally gave up on her loved one and created this song. If I had known earlier, Zi Ye would not have endured such suffering." All my hidden sorrows burst out in an instant, "Love is hard to come by, and it's always stormy along the way, with few clear skies. It's better not to start at all, so as to avoid endless pain later on."

  He fell silent for a moment, then said: "There are many storms and few clear skies. It's just that this person is not right for you, can't give you four seasons of clear weather, but instead brings you overcast skies. If someone wholeheartedly treats you well, willing to give you four seasons of clear weather, shielding you from the wind and rain, wouldn't you be willing?"

  I gave a mournful smile and said frankly: "I've had my fill of pain, I'm already afraid." I didn't dare look at him, only lowering my head to say: "There's also another poem, 'Midnight Song', has Your Highness heard it?"

  He slightly lowered his eyelids, staring at the rose jam in a daze, and only smiled when he heard me speak: "I don't know which poem you're referring to, madam?"

  The deep red rose jam was carefully scooped into a snow-white plate, like a dark red heart that had been stirred soft and broken. I pondered for a moment, then slowly said: "What can one do to avoid the sorrows of life? My emotions are boundless! Memories of my hometown weigh heavily on me, and when I wake up, tears fall from my eyes. Who is with me in this high tower? I remember the autumn scenery. Past events have become empty, just like a dream. I said: "This is Li Houzhu's 'Midnight Song', although it doesn't fit the scene, but there are two sentences that apply to everything. Past events have become empty, just like a dream. For me, past events have already become dreams, and future events can also be seen through with one glance. It's better to take things as they come and not have any more illusions."

  Deep down, the desolation and sorrow are like the thick green moss that has taken root on the twisted branches of an old plum tree, thread by thread, carrying the shadows of decades of wind and frost. Even if the candlelight is warm and bright, it cannot illuminate them.

  He didn't say anything else, but asked: "Can all the grievances of past events really be forgotten?"

  Long time no words. Even if there are a thousand words, it can only be like this.

  I turned around and said, "I'm tired."

  He said a word "good", as if it was still usual, and said: "You have a good rest, there are things in the palace these two days, I'm afraid I won't be able to come often."

  I just smiled and looked at him, saying: "Okay, I'll take care of myself."

  He didn't avoid suspicion either, and tucked in the corner of the quilt for me. My heart moved slightly, but I pretended not to know and fell asleep with my eyes closed.

  Note:

  From "Midnight Song". The "Tang Book of Music" says: "The 'Midnight Song' is a Jin tune. In the Jin Dynasty, there was a woman named Midnight who created this melody, and the sound was extremely sorrowful." The "Song Book of Music" says: "During the Taichu period of the Jin Dynasty's Emperor Xiaowu, in the household of Wang Qi, Prince of Langya, there was a ghost singing 'Midnight'. Yin Yun was the governor of Yu Province at that time, and in the household of Yu Province's resident He Shangzhen, there was also a ghost singing 'Midnight'." Since Yin Yun was the governor of Yu Province during the Taichu period, Midnight must have lived before then. The "Ancient and Modern Music Records" says: "At the end of every song, there is always a farewell tune. 'Midnight' uses 'Holding the Child' to send off the tune 'Phoenix Chirping', and 'Zezhu' to send off the tune." The "Music Bureau's Explanation of Titles" says: "Later generations created lyrics for the four seasons, calling it 'Midnight Four Seasons Song'. There are also 'Great Midnight Song', 'Midnight Warning Song', and 'Midnight Changing Song', all of which are variations of the tune."

  ②This "Midnight Song" is a work of the Later Master after entering Song, expressing the sorrow and infinite nostalgia for the lost country. The general meaning is: "When can the regret of life be ended? Only I am so sad that there is no end. In my dreams, I return to my hometown, but when I wake up, I still have to face the cruel reality, and I involuntarily shed tears. The days after the fall of the country are lonely and cold, with no one to accompany me, who can still climb high and gaze far away with me? I will never forget the days when we climbed high together on a clear autumn day. But those happy days will never come back. Past events are just a spring dream, beautiful but difficult to retain. When you wake up, it's still empty, and nothing can be grasped. All that's left is endless memories and pain.