Who asks about the icy heart?

  On a winter day, the effort of washing clothes did not decrease. When the snow was heavy and the mountain was sealed off, the snow water would often be used to soak and wash clothes. If the weather was slightly better, they would go to the creek, break up the thick ice and rinse their clothes.

  The cold water seeps into my bones, and I can't avoid it. I watch with open eyes as the frostbite of last year relapses, a pair of hands red and swollen, suffering greatly. It forcibly reminds me of those cold, damp, and miserable days in Tongli Palace. That was the most desperate and helpless time of my life.

  I smiled wryly at Qian Xun and said, "Indeed, some things are hard to forget even if you want to, just like this frostbite, it recurs every year."

  Xiaoyu warmed my hands with hers, but her own were also icy and swollen. Along with Huanbi, the three of us simultaneously broke out in chilblains, like coral beads. Huanbi made light of our suffering, sometimes joking, "These hands are covered in chilblains, red, green, and purple - I think I'm wearing a bunch of precious rings! The red ones are coral, the green ones are green jade, and the purple ones are amethyst."

  I and Qian Xi just laughed, thinking that Cui Bi had gone crazy for wealth. However, when it comes to pearls, jade, and precious stones, since I left the palace, except for what I received in the palace which was all left in Tong Li Palace, only the dowry brought into the palace from home was taken out of the palace, all sealed in boxes and chests, never to be opened again. Leaving the palace, these beautiful pearls and cosmetics naturally had nothing to do with me anymore.

  She gently stroked the frostbite on her hand and said softly, "When I first entered the palace, I was just a small palace maid doing cleaning work. At that time, there were only two consorts in the palace, Consort Duan and Consort Xian - who is now the Empress. Naturally, it wasn't our turn to serve them as small palace maids, and new entrants couldn't avoid being bullied. I spent every day washing clothes for my seniors, but no matter how much I washed, it seemed like an endless task, and that's how I got this frostbite. It was only later when Empress Chunyuan saw me and said 'it's pitiful' and asked 'doesn't the manager of the Imperial Household Department have any compassion?' that she sent me to do other work. Later on, as I rose through the ranks and became a senior myself, I didn't have to do such hard labor anymore, and my hands gradually healed. Who would have thought that today, I'd be doing the same kind of work again, and it's not even unfamiliar."

  I faintly brought up the old affairs of the former Empress Yuan, and I only faintly heard about it, and didn't care to investigate.

  Month after month passed by, and winter finally came to an end, spring arrived.

  It was an early spring day when Wen Shi first came to see me. The sky was overcast with thin clouds hanging low, and the air was heavy with gloom, but there was no sign of rain.

  Just as he suddenly came in, I was at the edge of the blue-glazed large vat under the window, laboriously pouring in the water that had been carried today. The washing bowl suddenly saw an old friend, and for a moment, she was shocked and moved to tears, crying out: "Mr. Wen."

  I turned my head at the sound, and Wen Shi was standing by the door, wearing a blue robe, his figure thin. He rushed towards me, exclaiming: "Huan sister, you've lost so much weight!"

  I had a moment of emotion, in such a remote and ancient temple deep in the mountains, suddenly seeing an old friend from days past, it's truly enough to bring tears. However, only for that one moment, I was already nonchalant, saying to Fen Bi: "What's there to cry about?"

  She hastily wiped away her tears and welcomed him in. As soon as he entered, his eyes fell on me pouring water, and with a swift movement, he snatched the bucket from my hands, exclaiming: "How can you do such heavy work?"

  I smiled faintly and asked in return: "Why not? I'm no longer a thousand-gold miss, nor am I a favored imperial concubine; I'm just an ordinary girl. If I don't do these things, what else would I do?"

  He suddenly became angry, "No matter what, you are also a palace-born imperial decree practitioner, how can the nuns of Ganlu Temple treat you like this?"

  I smiled and said, "I am a deposed empress from the palace, not an empress left behind by the previous emperor. I don't have any status or title, so why should I be treated with favor?"

  He was at a loss for words, so he pulled me away, rolled up his sleeves and helped me pour all the water into the vat. I said lightly: "Thank you, we have enough water to use today."

  He slightly raised an eyebrow, "Today's water? Do you have to work so hard watering every day?"

  I said: "This is natural, with hard work and personal effort."

  Lan Cai listened to the side, choked for a moment, and said: "What's all this? Miss and we have to go chop wood, wash clothes, and cook food in person. Qi Huan and I don't have anything, it's what we should do, poor Miss's hands and feet..."

  Wen Shi initially felt wronged when she spoke, and in a moment of urgency, she turned over my hand to take a look. My hand was no longer the delicate one it used to be; there were old calluses, new blisters, some of which had burst open, revealing fresh red flesh underneath, as well as small thorns from chopping firewood that had pierced into the skin, leaving dark little dots.

  Wen Shi's eyes widened in shock and she exclaimed, "How could this be?"

  "Miss's hands are covered in blisters, one after another, and there's hardly any good skin left. Miss has been raised in a deep boudoir since childhood, where has she ever suffered such hardships? But those nun-like women are so cruel, bullying us newcomers, making things difficult for us in every way."

  I cut off Yu Qing's crying with a stern voice, "Is complaining useful? Complaining is also hard work, not complaining is also hard work."

  "Miss, I'm just heartbroken," said Lingbi in a low voice, sobbing.

  I shook my head and smiled wryly, "No need to feel sorry, it'll be like this for the rest of our lives, we'll just get used to it."

  Wen Shi hastily pulled me down to sit, took out the medicine she had brought with her and said anxiously: "These are all the medicines I have on hand, let's just make do with them. I'll send some better wound medicine over tomorrow."

  I nodded, "Thank you."

  I let him examine my wound at will, only asking: "During these days when I was out of the palace, were all things well with Sister Mei?"

  He was taken aback and said with some resentment: "You're already in this state yourself, yet you still only think of others."

  "I persistently asked: 'Is Sister Mei okay? You promised me that you would take good care of her.'"

  "He sighed and said, 'She's fine, just missing you.' He paused for a moment, 'Just like me, missing you.'"

  I was taken aback for a moment, then said: "This is natural, you and Mei sister are both grown up with me, naturally the emotional debt is not ordinary." I asked again: "So has her hand injury healed? Has An Ling Rong and the Empress been making things difficult for her?"

  He said, "Her hand injury is almost healed, but the scar can't be helped. I've tried all sorts of remedies for her, and in the end, there's still a bit of a mark left. However, if you don't look closely, it's not noticeable." He emphasized, "No one will give her a hard time. She only serves by the Empress Dowager's side from dawn till dusk, and after returning to the palace, she takes care of Rouyue with Jingfei, no one can give her a hard time."

  I felt a little comforted, but soon became sad again, "How about my Meng Yue?"

  Wen Shi's eyebrows furrowed slightly, but she was still smiling: "The Empress Dowager was born in the eighth month of pregnancy and wasn't a full-term baby. Naturally, her body is slightly weaker than others, making it easier for her to catch colds and coughs."

  My heart was suddenly sucked up, although my Meng Yue is a girl and will not threaten anyone's position. But if someone resents me and calculates the past grievances on Meng Yue, she is just a small infant, how can she bear it? I anxiously said: "What to do? What to do? Will her wind-cold be serious? She's only a few months old, how can she withstand the wind-cold?"

  Wen Shi's expression changed greatly when he first saw me, his anxious and worried heart overflowing in his words. He hastily comforted me, saying: "Don't worry, don't worry, you can rest assured. The Emperor is very fond of the Princess, and has ordered me to take good care of her with all my might. Her cold was from last month, and she's almost recovered now. Because of the Princess's illness, both Empress Jing and Concubine Shen have hardly rested for two days and two nights, taking turns to keep watch, even the Emperor himself stayed up one night. I also promise you here, Wen Shi, with my life as guarantee, that I will definitely do my utmost to protect the Princess's safety."

  "She's just a child, she can't even talk yet. When she's sick or hungry or uncomfortable, all she can do is cry. Just thinking about her crying makes me, as her mother, feel like my heart is being torn apart." Tears finally fell from my eyes as I said uncontrollably: "Xi Chu gege, thank you so much."

  "Wen Shi's expression was also miserable, 'Xuan sister, I couldn't help you, the only thing I can do is to protect the princess with my life. Your daughter, I regard her as my own.'"

  I was moved to tears, "With you saying that, with you taking care of Browning and Rong Yue, I feel at ease." My inner weakness surged out in an instant, unable to be suppressed, "Shi Chu Gege, the only one I can trust, the only one who can help me, is you."

  He was also speechless, but after all, he was a man, and he finally held back. He looked around, "Your place is so simple, do you lack anything? If there's anything lacking, I'll bring it to you next time."

  I shook my head, "I don't lack anything, even if I did, it's not that important. As long as Mengyue is fine, everything is good."

  He comforted her in a soft voice: "She's fine. Empress Jing loves Princess Di like the apple of her eye, and Mei Zhuang also likes her very much. They live in the same palace, so it's convenient for them to take care of each other."

  He looked at me again, his tone was extremely pitiful: "I must think of a way to take you away from here. I can't bear to see you suffer like this anymore."

  I just smiled and thought he was just joking, didn't take it seriously. As long as he can take care of Mengyue, that's all I need.

  After several times, Wen Shi Chu either brought medicine or daily necessities to help me make up for my deficiencies, and gradually became familiar with me, and I also appreciated his enthusiastic assistance.

  However, he came several times and I felt a bit uneasy.

  The Ganlu Temple was originally a pure and quiet place where nuns lived in seclusion to cultivate themselves. He came over several times, excitedly, although I knew he was the imperial physician and an old acquaintance of mine. Seeing that he took good care of me, although he didn't say anything to my face, his expression gradually became not very pleasant.

  That day, I went to the stream with Biyu to wash clothes. It was early spring in March, when the fragrant grass was sprouting and wildflowers were blooming everywhere. Along the way, colorful butterflies and birds were flying about in a flurry of activity. The two of us carried a large basket of personal items from the temple's nuns, holding onto sticks, with our sleeves and hems rolled up as we washed them by the gurgling stream.

  The clothes were too many and heavy, and I and Fen Bi had a hard time lifting them. After washing a few loads, Fen Bi suddenly exclaimed, "Ah!" and frowned, complaining: "Jing Bai and the others are getting more and more outrageous, how can they give us their intimate clothes to wash? Not even a bit of modesty!" I flipped through them with my hand, saw that most were women's undergarments, and furrowed my brow in distaste. However, seeing Fen Bi get angry, I didn't want to add fuel to the fire, so I just said: "Forget it, who made us newcomers."

  "Can't take it anymore!" Lan Bi finally spoke up, "Are we the newbies? Mo Zhen and the others are also new, why do they get to slack off while we're stuck with all the dirty work? It was tolerable before, but now it's getting worse, even our underwear is being sent to us to wash! What kind of nonsense is this?"

  I remained silent, only lifting the stick and striking it with force, splashing water everywhere, "plop" cold water splashed onto my face.

  Lan Caihe grasped my hand, her pretty face pale with anger. "Miss, aren't you angry?"

  In March, although it's said to be spring water, there is still a bit of chill. Lan's fingers pressed on my hand, and the purple-red marks left by washing clothes in winter can still be seen.

  I couldn't help but feel a pang in my heart and sighed, saying: "Since you've come to this place, it's clear that you're not here to enjoy a life of luxury."

  Miss Heartache was speechless for a moment, then suddenly said: "I'm Miss Heartache. When did you do such dirty and filthy things in the past?" She pulled my hand, "Does Miss's hand still look like a hand? No matter how much golden ointment is applied, it doesn't get better. I couldn't bear to see it, does Miss not feel heartache for herself?"

  I stood in silence for a moment, heart aching for myself, how could I help but feel this way?

  I was not used to washing clothes by the stream, and while chatting with Huanbi, I accidentally slipped into the water and got my shoes wet. At that moment, both my shoes and socks were soaked, and my feet felt cold and sticky. This was still bearable, but what was unbearable was that my robe also got wet. As soon as I caught a chill, I couldn't help but sneeze. Huanbi exclaimed in surprise: "Although it's spring now, stepping into the water is still chilly. What can we do about this? I'm afraid if you keep your clothes on for too long and go back tonight, your bones will ache."

  I thought for a moment, then put down the stick and clothes in my hand, seeing no one nearby, I pulled Biyu's hand to the tree thicket on the side to change into dry clothes, hoping to get dressed quickly.

  Just after taking off clothes, I heard the sound of people laughing and chatting by the stream, footsteps were frequent, thinking that all the nuns in the temple had come out to wash their clothes, they went in groups, very lively.

  Someone exclaimed, "Ah!" and laughed in a shrill voice: "Mo Chou and Huan Bi, these two lazy ghosts, are completely lazy to the bone. They didn't even wash their clothes clean before throwing them here, and now they've run off somewhere to be lazy again."

  It was someone who burst out laughing, with a tone of disdain and contempt. "Not necessarily hiding from laziness! I don't know which imperial physician or which guard came to visit her again, maybe she ran off somewhere to whisper secrets."

  Everyone burst out laughing, my head buzzing with anger at the humiliation, I turned to ask Huai Bi: "Who are they talking about? Are they talking about me?"

  Lan Bi shook her head with difficulty and said: "Their words are unpleasant to hear, all sorts of idle gossip, and their mouths are so loose, Miss, don't bother with them."

  However, the other side of the room said: "She is from the palace, and she has a seductive aura. In the past, she was the emperor's woman, so naturally no one dared to talk to her. Now that she has been kicked out, naturally many stinky men will come to find her. Look at how she talked to that imperial physician the other day, I heard that she was quite favored in the palace before, and suddenly being separated from men and locked up in a place like ours, can she bear the loneliness? It's likely that she and that imperial physician had an affair, and they got together while they were still in the palace." This was said loudly, sentence by sentence, and it pierced my ears. I listened very clearly, and it was precisely Jingbai who had such a loud voice.

  Zong Ni smiled again, and someone boasted: "Quiet White Shifu has seen the most, what she says must be true."

  My ten fingers clenched into fists, and for a moment I felt both annoyed and hateful, with my blood surging up to my chest. I had thought that the Buddhist temple was a pure and clean place, but unexpectedly there were such filthy words and malicious speculations, vicious slander, and backstabbing, no different from the imperial harem.

  Her face turned bright red, her eyebrows arched up one by one, and she was about to rush out. Enraged and humiliated, my thoughts were tangled, but I still had some remaining sanity, so I pressed down on Fen Bi and said in a low, firm voice: "Don't go."

  Her eyes sparkled as she stared straight at me, "Miss..."

  I shook my head again, "Don't go..."

  I firmly grasped Biyu's hand, as if suppressing my own unjust and humiliated heart at this moment.

  The laughter outside grew louder, and a sharp female voice said: "What Shizhao Shifu said is not wrong. She and that imperial physician must have had an affair long ago. When she was expelled from the palace, the people inside said it was to pray for the country's fortune when she came to practice. But if it were really so, why would she be stripped of her title and position?" Their laughter was ambiguous and mysterious, as if they all knew something unspoken, "It must have been because she had an affair with that imperial physician that our emperor found out, and then she was expelled."

  "Tsk tsk...... This is improper, utterly shameless......"

  "Do you know? Last time I saw her, she clearly sent the imperial physician to the door, and they were chatting and whispering, very reluctant to part."

  Last time, there were smiles and whispers, very reluctant to part... I just asked Wen Shi Chu to take good care of my Meng Yue for me, who would have thought it was as vulgar as they said.

  "I once saw that doctor come back, not knowing when he turned around and stared at her house in a daze, don't know how infatuated..." They giggled, "If women put down their dignity a bit, men will swarm around like flies, who knows what they're doing inside the house?" They whispered to each other, loudly laughing and chattering, forcefully slapping their clothes, forcefully slandering me, forcefully imagining. The sound of them slapping their clothes was loud "pa pa", the stick hitting the soft clothes forcefully on the stone slab, just like hitting my heart again and again.

  He turned back and stared at my house in a daze? I didn't know at all. I sighed - Wen Shi Chu also didn't pay much attention to avoiding suspicion. Although he came openly and upright, I didn't even close the door.

  With a stern expression, she said: "In the Buddhist temple, I thought it was a clean place, but you actually say such baseless words, not even as good as an ignorant village woman in the countryside."

  I'm so angry I don't even think it's worth getting angry about, all I can do is let out a cold laugh. Remain silent.

  After a while, everyone laughed and washed their clothes, dispersing like a swarm of bees. The wet clothes also gradually dried.

  Lan'er put my clothes on me, held my hand and said cautiously: "Miss, your hands are so cold, let's go back and have a bowl of ginger soup to dispel the chill. Don't catch a cold." Seeing that I just smiled coldly without speaking, she whispered to comfort me: "No wonder Miss is angry, I couldn't bear to listen to it either, it made me feel sick."

  I patted her hand and said slowly, "I'm not angry. It's not worth getting angry with them." I calmed down my thoughts and went out to collect the clothes that needed washing, saying lightly, "Bianbi, we also have our own things." I looked at her, "Do I seem very close to Madame Wen?"

  "There isn't. They're talking nonsense."

  "I know they're talking nonsense." I slammed my fist on the clothes, as if venting my anger. "I always thought Lord Wen and I were treating each other with courtesy. But what they said, isn't there some truth to it? These days, Lord Wen has been coming frequently, and he often seems to be staring at my house in a daze..."

  "Although I haven't seen it with my own eyes, judging from Mr. Wen's temperament, he might not hesitate to do such a thing for Miss..."

  I suddenly remembered when I was first pregnant, during my afternoon nap, I knew he was outside the palace, but I didn't want to get up and talk to him, so I just pretended to sleep under the window. He stood quietly outside the window, his figure hidden behind the window, gazing at me silently through the double layers of curtains and screens for a long time without saying a word.

  I always thought he no longer had such feelings for me, was I too neglectful?

  However, he did not make any obvious moves towards me, and I didn't even have a chance to refuse.

  I glanced at Fen Bi, his expression somewhat awkward, "I've already become a monk and started cultivating..."

  Miss, although you've left the palace, you're still a nun with your hair intact. Moreover... She hesitated slightly and said in a soft voice: Miss has already left the palace, the Emperor has deposed you, it's like a divorce, there's no more connection between you two. You are now a free person, but it's hard to avoid Lord Wen having some thoughts about you again.

  I smiled indifferently and said, "I think he's really thinking too much."

  Miss, don't blame me for speaking out of turn. Lord Wen's feelings towards you have always been the same, never wavering. It's just that what he's doing now is so conspicuous, it's only adding to your troubles and giving people something to gossip about. Still, she sighed, "But Lord Wen's affections are truly touching."

  "I've always thought the same about him, never changed my mind." I paused for a moment, "He may have forgotten to be cautious, but we can't afford to forget. If not necessary, it's better to keep some distance from him, lest he gets the wrong idea and feels too embarrassed." The chill of spring was particularly biting by the water, and I sighed, "Mei sister and my Mengyue in the palace need his care, after all, we are old acquaintances, so we should leave some room for future encounters."

  "Ah, I understand," said Lingbi, lowering her head. "This is something that both Suoyu and I are aware of." She gazed at the spot where the nuns had been washing clothes earlier, her brow furrowed in distaste. "I thought this place was just hard work, but I didn't expect human relationships to be so thin. I thought it was just a matter of thin human relationships, but I didn't expect their words to be so vicious and cutting, making one's heart turn cold. If even Ganlu Temple, a Buddhist temple, is like this, where can one find a peaceful place?"

  Yes. I thought to myself, where is there still a quiet place? The world's serenity is hard to find. And troubles, however, come one after another, entwining me tightly, and cannot be avoided.

  Every time I think that Wen Shi Chu might come today, I would sneak out early. I'd rather work harder and walk further to cut grass and wash clothes, only returning at dusk. Occasionally, when I did run into him, I just asked about Mei Zhuang and Meng Yue's situation and found an excuse to send him away.