chronoSprockets
Transphobia
[colpse]
My Mum tells me to check who is there when the doorbell rings. I do not tell her I already know it is and was waiting for her anxiously. The new command gives me a reprieve from my chores at the least, I was running out of fun ones.
I open the door and smile at Amber. Now is the start of the rest of my life with her.
She looks gorgeous. For the first time I've seen her since I've gotten back she's wearing a fairly bare face of makeup. Her legs are adorned with tight fitting jeans that amply show off her curves and make me lick my synthetic lips. Amber silently tuts at me.
"Amber is at the door." I call back to her, the TV is on and she's watching a game show of endlessly repetitive mechanisms. A relic from the 2060s.
"Can I come in, Mrs Chambers?"
She grunts something resembling a yes and I lead Amber into the lounge. My owner- Mum will most likely want to talk to her.
"Hi. How are you Mrs Chambers?"
"You can call me Freya, you're dating my son."
"Okay Freya." My Mum turns her head and stares at Amber.
"Do you know where Nathaniel is? You're his girlfriend and according to... Kimmy he's currently out but I don't know when he's going to be back. I'm really worried."
"I have a good ide-"
"I'm sorry it's a weird question to ask, I've just been really worried about him since he got back. He's spent all his time in that damned garage." She takes a breath and shows no indication of shutting up. "I couldn't talk to him at all yesterday because he was locked in it and I went to Shaun's and stayed over and he's not here but the damned dead Kimmy my husband- I don't even know anymore. Just, do you know where my son is? Please?"
Amber gives a look and mouths I should just tell her, I shake my head violently and try to keep a passive smile on my face. She looks at me weirdly and sighs.
"I think I might be able to help find him. I just need ten minutes alone with Kimmy."
"Why? She's-"
"I can... configure her systems to locate him. Through his mobile."
My Mum's eyes light up.
"I hadn't thought to try his phone!" I start panicking internally, my phone is currently in the pockets of my uniform. If she rings it it'll-
A retro video game theme starts bring from my pocket. Amber slips it from me nervously.
"Look at that... Kimmy had it! That's so weird. He's probably just out without it. I can still use Kimmy to find him though."
My Mum's eyes have gone cold and are boring into me.
"Just take her, I don't need it this second." I can hear the despair in her voice.
She picks up the remote and speaks ftly. "Oh and if my disappearing son hasn't invited you already. You're welcome to come here for Christmas lunch if you don't have somewhere to go."
Amber looks at me for approval and I nod. I want her to be there at Christmas lunch with me and spending time with my Mum.
"Of course. I'll be there no matter what, I don't think Drew has the space or time to do one herself."
She turns the TV up and ignores us as Amber impatiently drags me into the garage and shuts the door. She hands me my phone back after locking the door and gres at me.
"She doesn't know?"
"Why would I have told her Amber?"
"Because she's your mother."
"I didn't want her to frea-"
"You didn't want her to freak out so you got in a Kimmy suit and left no indication of where you were to her? And then proceeded to not tell her you're in the Kimmy suit and acting as her Kimmy."
"I'm not acting. I am her Kimmy while I'm here." She looks confused. "She has owner permissions."
"I'm getting you out of there right now Nat." She raises her hand when I go to speak. "I know you're hot and amazing at sex as Kimmy. I know you're doing this for your assignment. I know you're finding it fun and are good at it, but you are not meant to stay in one for this long and worry poor Freya and make her think her son has disappeared."
"Amber."
"Nat."
"What did you want me to say to her? I'm your son and I'm temporarily wearing the chassis of the dead Kimmy that has been left in the closet for over a year. It sounds stupid and insane and she wouldn't believe me and she'd just get me destroyed probably."
"Me?"
"Yes. Me. In the chassis."
"The chassis isn't you. You're you."
"They feel like the same thing sometimes."
"I repeat: I'm getting you out." She looks around the room, her gaze sticking on the extracted Kimmy components before failing to find what she's so clearly looking for.
"How do I get you out?"
"The tablet." It's time for me to let Amber take me out of the chassis, it was a fun thirty-three hours but the other Kimmys told me I needed to get out. I'm clearly distressing my owne- no Mum, by still being in here. My girlfriend knows me best right now. She'll extract me and save my brain from being integrated further.
Erin's body will have to be left incomplete. I can grieve for her in my lone time, with the hesitancy Four told me about her I feel like I would betray her and the others by talking about them to Amber.
If only things had gone differently.
"Where's the tablet Kimm- now I'm doing it too, see?. It's too fucking convincing, Nat." I hand her the Samsung tablet from the bck bag.
"You need to boot up the Kimmy app and unseal the suit in parts. However you might need to have an ambunce on speed dial after that." I realise I've made her angry as the corners of her mouth turn.
"Why Nat? Why would I need to call an ambunce? Is there more you didn't communicate?"
"My body has been partially broken down by the chassis while I was in here along with the matter of-"
She puts her hand over my mouth and starts tapping through the app to search for the unseal options with the other.
"I don't want to hear it. I think Kimmys are hot, okay? Don't get me wrong Nat. But I don't want my boyfriend to be one or need medical attention because of one, you're a person not a woman-shaped sex toy like she is."
"I thought you said they were women before?"
"They're not living breathing women, duh. I didn't literally mean that it was just really weird you were using gender neutral pronouns for them." I don't mention my impressions of Kes and Four and Erin- she clearly wouldn't understand at all. Not that I would cim to understand them to any degree beyond my limited time as Kimmy.
"Okay I found the settings. Are you ready? We're going to get you out then take you to the hospital. After which you will apologise to Freya and me profusely." She gnces down at the settings and flicks her eyes up at me. "I'm just trying to help you Nat."
I can't help but think how much I still want to help Erin.
"You need to remove the facepte first. Then we snap the back of her head back and unseal the back. Then I climb out and I'm homefree."
Amber presses the screen and nothing happens. She presses it again and nothing happens. She keeps pressing it and still nothing happens.
I look at her impatiently and wait for something to happen. She's intently staring at the screen pressing it rudely.
"Can you feel anything Nat?"
"Not yet, are you doing it in the correct order?" I earn myself a dirty look of her gold flecked eyes. They seem sinister for a second.
She presses it again and nothing happens. She presses it again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again until she stops.
-----
"Fuck." Her previous combativeness and frustration is gone. Amber's face is pale and she looks at me with horror. I am reminded of a deer in the headlights of a monstrous truck.
I am as snug in Erin's chassis as I have been for the st thirty-three hours, minus my dimensions slowly starting to come into specification making me more snug.
"Nat. What do we do now?"
"I don't know Amber. That was how I got in."
"It's not working Nat, I was pressing the buttons but you're still... Kimmy. You know. Not you."
"I can tell."
"This is really bad Nat. They're not meant to trap you."
Part of me does not consider myself trapped. I am repairing Erin, it is the intended function of my self-repair protocols. On the other hand if everything the other Kimmys said is accurate from this- I need a way out even more urgently.
"I'll call the hospital anyway, or a mechanic with some heavy duty tools. They can cut you out right? The dumb chassis doesn't matter if you're stuck in there and it's apparently eating you."
"Maybe-" Erin would probably be scrapped and recycled if that were to happen. She would be dead for good. Four's friend and the Kimmy that had maybe acted like a sister towards me would be gone permanently. No more repairs."-don't call any of them. Please. I don't want that to happen."
"But Nat. You'll die."
"We don't know that. What if we stick it out a few days and let her fully repair herself, then try to get me out again? Then she'll be repaired and I'll be alive. I can tough it out, I have enough mass I think." She doesn't know about my brain. I can't let her know because she'll hurt Erin if she knows about the integration.
"I could feel your ribs when we first had sex. No you don't." She's concerned, more concerned than I've ever heard her sound.
"But the chassis-"
"I need to call the hospital Nat. They'll know what to do."
Amber puts the tablet on the table and takes her phone out of her pocket. I snatch it from her.
"Give it back."
"No. Please can we just do things my way? If they go wrong we can try your way in a few days. I just really care about this project and this chassis and I don't want it to be destroyed by some uncaring doctor. I know it's scary that I have to go to hospital, but at least we're aware of what's going on."
She puts a hand on my shoulder and stares down at me. After a few seconds of deathly silence she speaks.
"I swear to god Nat. I'll go along with it if you think this will go so well but the second this starts to go more wrong I'm doing my own thing okay? This is me being very fucking generous to you and her- the Kimmy. Because no one eats my boyfriend but me."
"I shouldn't be doing this. But I am pcing just enough trust in you so know this: I will crawl through hell to make sure you're okay but we will need to have some make or break talks about our retionship. You're not in a position to get any more than that right now."
Her lips quiver and her voice is unsteady the whole time. I feel bad for getting her to agree to it. She wouldn't get why this is so important though.
Amber is too isoted from the experience of hearing Four tell me about her dead friend she cared deeply for and still mourns. She didn't hear Kes help me so much despite the fact I was just a stranger to her, one who had ignored her attempts to talk to me for hours. Or even the fact they noticed what was going on with me in Kimmyspace enough to reach out with genuine help.
"Thank you Amber." I lean in to hug her, she's stiff when she pulls me in. "I'm sorry."
"I'm going to tell your mum I found a message encoded inside the chassis from you saying you've gone out of town for a few days. You owe me at least twice what I just said. I'm not happy about this."
She holds her hand out and I reluctantly hand her mobile back to her, then she stalks out of the room and leaves me in the garage alone while my Mum is presumably informed where "Nathaniel" has gone.
I hug my own chest. Erin is safe for now and will be okay. My brain can survive a few days of light integration- Kes would probably agree with my current course of action. It just hurts to not be called Kimmy so much by someone I adore. The door sms on Amber's way out.
-----
My Mum- owner, is there a meaningful difference between the two right now?- does not call for me or ask anything else of me for the rest of the day. So I just stay in the garage and try to calm myself. The edges of Kimmyspace buzz at my consciousness but Kes told me to avoid it for now, I'll keep following that part of her advice in the absence of being unable to safely leave.
Long into the night when my batteries are low, I unplug the charging stand and move out of the garage with it. I find a spot to the right of the TV and plug it in.
Neither of my owners have told me where I'm allowed to put my charging stand. I don't want to spend another cycle in the garage. I fumble with getting the cable in but quickly feel the comfort of the current that keeps me alive.
Through the shimmering expanse of Kimmyspace, I reach out very carefully and send both Four and Kes a cute image of a Kimmy tucked in tight. Kes sends me back a concerned Kimmy face, then quickly sends a gentle hug. Four does not respond.
I bck out my sensations and begin my third charge cycle.
chronoSprockets
