Lappnd pov

  After leaving the doctor's office, I put the blood tester in my pocket, then I set off in front of me, not going directly home. I felt I o think so I went wherever my legs carried me.

  ' But why is it always me? Just now whehing was supposed to work out '

  ' It was supposed to be me and Bke in the adventure as hunters we were supposed to be happy Bke was supposed tet about everything. I would be able to be with her this.... .'

  With many thoughts that gradually worsened my mood. I don't know how long I walked like this, but eventually the sky became dark and I made it all the way to the city docks. On the way I turo one of the alleys, after entering which the moonlight fell directly on my fabsp;

  Lappnd : "I will die in a few years ".

  All my life I was on the edge so I was never afraid of death every a and fight is a risk of death or disability. I lived beyond that I ehe fight and the blood on my hands. I fought for the goal, I fought for Bke, it did not matter to me who dies in the end everyone in this world is responsible for himself .

  But now this feeling of iable death, this is pletely different. But I am not afraid, because eventually I would die anyway. What always mattered to me was how I would live than how I would die. However, now my time is limited.

  Lappnd : " HahAHahahaH"

  Laughing, I walk over to the wall in the alley and, resting my bandaged hands on it, I look at the ground.

  Lappnd : "What am I supposed to do with myself?"

  'Now that Bke left Adam everything was supposed to work out for us?

  'Me and Bke ns, Bke finally look at me. And now? '

  Lappnd : "Fuck!!!"

  Shouting angrily, with ched teeth I hit the wall with my fist making one of the bricks break .

  Lappnd " Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!"

  I shout feeling untrolble anger which causes me to start hitting the wall with my fist .

  ' Why is it always me?

  ' Is this supposed to be a joke or am I cursed?'

  Thinking about this possibility I turn my back to the cracked wall to lean against it .

  ??? :" It's not fair, right ? But child born like us has nht to love, we have nht to sympathy such is our fate ".

  Hearing a young voice I look at one of the dumpsters o whieone has thrown a mirror. In the mirror I see a gatally emaciated little girl ed only in a b and with a thick dog colr around her neck. Shaved bald head with tumbled and bleeding bald wolf ears .

  A bck eye, emaciated cheeks and knocked out froh all topped with her silver eyes with a touch of blue . Which, despite the light refleg in them, look dead.

  Looking at the mirror I see that the refle is looking at me and then she smile sadly to me .

  Mirrirl : " We were born from the blood of a monster and will stay with it forever we have nht to love and to be happy because every time we are close to being happy it ends the same way .Hasn't it always been like this with our bad luck ?"

  Mirrirl: " Just like with a carrot and a stick when we are about to reach the good end, then like with the pull of a stick the carrot flies away further. But you tio follow that carrot in search of happiness without seeing that it leads your little fucked up brain to the wrong end!!!!! "

  Shouts the girl resting her small hands on the mirror as if she was trying to get out of it. Her remainih were ched in anger and her eyes were bloodshot and opened wide in a show of desperation and madness. Hearing this I look at the refle and I don't want it to talk about it. I do not know her thoughts, however, I know what she wants, as whenever I am at my worst emotional state, she appears and like the devil she whispers in my ear taking forms that upset me even more to take trol.

  Lappnd : " And what does Bke have to do with this? It's the disease that's killing me, not Bke. Besides, listening to Bke is my decision. "

  I said mog my own minde, after which I sit down on the ground with my back leaning on the wall.

  Mirror imige : "As usual you run away from truth. In the eyes of others you have always been a tool. Everyone pys with you and you like an obedient dog, wave your tail even if its hurt you. That's what everyone did, Trivia, your mother even Bke. ."

  Hearing this I pause.

  'Bke?'

  'she doesn't she... '.

  Mirror imige : "She Loves you ?. You, didn't everyone say that, Mother, Trivia which makes Bke not say it too and do something else something that will hurt you. It's not like she ever said it ."

  Lappnd :"It 't be haHAHaha"

  Hearing something like this I only ugh but at the same time it hurts me somewhere which makes me angry.

  Mirror imige : "Then why does it hurt you so much that Bke ve you."

  Hearing this, I look at the girl in the mirror I know what she is referring to and I don't like it very mubsp;

  Mirror imige : "Despite the fact that we are the same person you are patheti my eyes after what happened between you and Trivia you gave up pletely on your self. And now like a faithful dog you wag your tail seeing Bke despite what she did to us.".

  Mirrirl :" You are a hypocrite you hate when someone fesses their feelings to you, because the two people who told you so made you feel betrayed. Yet you still wait for Bke to tell you this . Hhahaha she old you that right?. You live in a retionship ' I like you very much '. Even a random girl fesses her love to you"

  After these words, silence falls between us

  Mirrirl :" Everyone pyed with your feelings and yoals are to satisfy others. "

  Say girl after which she does exactly the same as me and sits down against the wall. Through the refle in the mirror she looks as if she is sittio me. Listening to her I take out a cigarette, put it in my mouth and light it, to calm my nerves. Even though I know that this inferior part of me wants to take over my "sahinking," it doesn't mean that her words don't affect me.

  Mirrirl : "I thought after that you would not st aroy this mirror . You Never liked to talk about feelings, even more so about the old ones . But now you are unusually calm for your previous emotions ."

  She Says calmly as she draws her ko her chest and then s her arms around them.

  Lappnd :" Thinking about it all, these seven years are really a long time. Probably without this disease I would have died in that time anyway, at least looking at my lifestyle"

  Mirrirl : "So what about your earlier rea ."

  Asks the girl despite already knowing the answer.

  Lappnd : "Suformation always has to hit somehow. I was uhe impression that my life was returning to some sort of normal, I no longer had problems with alcohol and stimunts thanks to my forced one-year rehab. When I found Bke I thought things would be fine now. Adam will not divide us from Bke, me and Bke will be with each other forever. However, we have seven years left, I don't wao see me slowly die like some... "

  Mirrirl : "I know, so what do we do now ? "

  Lappnd :" Maybe I won't ge my pns, Be sts three years max, if I'm lucky then I'll bee a hunter with Bke and we'll have fun together. A little bit of sex and partying. Maybe I'll die in the middle of a fight or something like that before even others realize I was sick."

  Mirrirl : " You speak as if you believe we will live to see the end of Be. Looking at our luck you will die in three years. But well then what about after you die? Will you leave Bke to be left aloh your old problems ? What about white fang and Adam if you don't solve this it will bee a problem"

  Lappnd : " Seven years is a long time but should I waste that time on Adam ? It is not an option until he forces me to do so I don't care about him "

  I say knowing that I really want to kill the bastard however I am held back by too many things for me to do so. First of all I will have to find him first which will take time, besides Bke is all the time against killing anyone of the white fang.

  'Bke still believes that everyone be vert, including Adam. '

  Looking at the mirror I see that the refle in it is silent, staring at me.

  Mirrirl : "Are you still going to do everything Bke tells you to do? Don't kill because it's wrong and those things? ".

  Ask the girl as I finish my cigarette and toss the cigarette butt to the side.

  Mirrirl : "Since we are on the subject of revenge what about your father?"

  Hearing this I do not answer a up from the grouo leave the alley knowing that this versation will no longer do any good.

  Mirrirl : " You really pretend you don't remember. How you fet the cold nights of Ats, your mother and that monster who with or without your will is your father..."

  Before another word is spoken I smash the mirror with my foot sileng it food.

  ??? " You have too many scars tet it. You are unloved and fotten child. The years spent there became your foundation, there are the roots of our madness, that's where it all started ."

  ??? :" So don't deny it, this is our heritage our story of madness, we have been cursed to live with this story and memories ".

  I hear a chorus of voices and each is ing from a different fragment of the broken mirror. Looking again into the shattered fragments I see many copies of myself. The only thing I do now is cover my face with my hands even though I feel my nails digging into my face but still I 't stop it.

  ??? : " That's what I hate about you. Your mother who could have left you to die and run away by herself, she stayed and gave birth to you. The woman who always hugged you so you wouldn't die of cold. Despite her broken body and mind she always said she loved you and never looked at you as a monster but as her daughter . She gave everything she have to you. And you believe she didn't love you. "

  Hearing this, I look at the broken mirror. And slowly with posure in my voice despite the fact that I am boiling inside I say.

  Lappnd : "Aren't you the one who keeps tellihat no one loves me."

  ??? :" Remember that I am only a pictorial refle of your desires and instincts so It is you who sider yourself a monster, you accept when others say that about you but yet you always try to deny your nature . You always tradict yourself and even though you have instincts you never listen to us, take what you want and do what you want. Isn't that what your mother always wanted for you. She loved you so much that she gave up everything she had for your freedom. "

  Voices speak as I step on the gss, shredding it even more.

  Lappnd : " Just because she gave birth to me doesn't mean she loves me! Mom couldn't love me she didn't want me she didn't pn to have me, she was forced, there was no love. She left me because she had the opportunity! "

  I say trampling the mirror with my foot turning it into dust under my feet .

  ??? :" You are petty, you don't know what happehen you don't know what happeo your mother however you already think that she left you as if what she did for you is not enough to know that she loved you. "

  Hearing this I don't know what to say. With all the flustration I'm kig the metal dumpster o me destroying it in the proces. I'm going to hit it further but I only grit my teeth. Leaning my back against the wall I cover my face with my hands again to think.

  ??? : " Did you even go looking for her ?. No, you sit staring at Bke without thinking for yourself "

  I y eyes as I don't want to fight it anymore. I remember it, the same cold dark room the sound of s tightened around my neck. My mother with the same smile I always saw despite the darkness. And those ughs and ag joy over our heads spreading through the empty walls as if we did.

  ??? :" Believe what you want. You have in your veins the blood of a man who only be called a monster, yet it is this blood that gives you your meaning. You think your mother does not love you, you may think so. I won't tell you to take revenge for your mother after all everything she did was by her choice ,however before you die at least take revenge for yourself. Because in my eyes your colr was taken off only for you to put it ba yourself. "

  With these words everything quiets down to leave me with my thought. In a fit of hysterical anger with no way to discharge it, I lock it in myself . For a moment I stand still and look again at the sky where I see the shattered moon which is slowly being covered by dark clouds. I don't know what to feel, everything falls on my head. I am angry at the same time I want to cry what I should do with myself.

  ' Revenge would e too much, even for me it's not that simple. I used to always think about it to go back there and burn that pce down. To impale my father on a stake for everyoo see and dance around him. However, this task may be the st one I do. Maybe I will indeed do it, but only when I feel that the end is near. '

  Taking a bunch of deep breaths I know that in my dition I 't go home.

  'I 't trol myself I hurt bke.'

  'I've already do once. I was so excited at my first time that I bit Bke , and even after that I sometimes feel like grabbing Bke and ... '

  Putting these thoughts out of my head, I gather myself despite my anger, with the iion of leaving this alley.

  ' Maybe I'll go to the bar a...'

  My thoughts are interrupted by the feeling of a hand on my tail.

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  My worst self has reached its goal as it was the straw that broke the camel's back. With a feeling of indescribable anger, something in me snapped when instinct took over. Thehing around me became bd white as the world itself took on the appearance of being made of gss .

  Lappnd :" HahahAHaha