Personally I am not sure how this chapter came out . Due to the fact that I didn't feel it is good enough , I corrected it many times but heless there is still some distaste left in my mouth . It just seemed to me that something was wrong. I don't know if it's some description I didn't like , or maybe it's the dialogue .

  Well whatever it is I hope that none of you , readers , will not feel the same impression as me . Well , thank you for your attention and have a nice reading .

  -------------------------------

  Lappnd pov

  -

  -

  -

  Pain

  -

  -

  -

  -

  -

  Fatigue

  -

  -

  -

  -

  -

  fusion

  -

  -

  -

  -

  -

  Feeling out of trol

  -

  -

  -

  -

  -

  -

  Cold

  -

  -

  -

  -

  A sense of being distanced

  -

  -

  -

  -

  It's all ......... So familiar a , I 't remember the st time I felt it all at once . When was the st time I was in such a miserable state ? It seems to me that even a year ago, at the time I was caught , I looked better. I just felt it in every part of my body . I felt cold , pain and exhaustion in my bones , muscles , joints . My thoughts were in plete fusion , my distra reventing me from fog , my psyche was crumbling with my every thought .

  Even something as simple as keeping my eyes open was a huge challenge for me . The only things that kept me from fallihe thoughts tormenting my mind and the sink , on which I leaned against . Looking into the white por of the sink , I spat out sour saliva from my mouth . However, even this did not help to get rid of the unpleasant taste .

  In distra , I watched as my saliva mixed with the droplets of blood , that still dripped from my face . As to the in of this blood , I was not sure myself . Looking at the number of injuries on my head and face, it's hard for me to even say from which wound the blood came. Although , being ho , I didn't give a damn where I was bleeding from or if I was bleeding at all . In my bewilderment , I just let ohought zap my head .

  ' I ........ I almost killed her ......... I wao kill Bke ........My Bke ....... My Bke ........my Bke........ My Bke .......Bke .......Bke .......Bke .......Bke .......Bke .......Bke .......Bke .......Bke .......Bke .......Bke .......Bke .......Bke .......Bke .......Bke .......Bke .......Bke .......Bke .......Bke .......Bke .......Bke .......Bke .......Bke .......Bke .......Bke .......Bke .......Bke ....... '

  Despite my dition, my thoughts revolved only around that . These thoughts , these feelings associated with them ,make my tired hands the white por , which because of my fatigue did not even respond to my squeeze . I just could not focus on anything else , I only remember this ......... red .

  I remember that sight , that satisfa and happiness I felt seeing Bke's terrified face . The feeling and taste that my mouth received when I bit into her hand . The feeling of aplishment when her life slowly run through my fingers . I am fully aware of what I felt then ...... And I really didn't mind at the time if Bke died .

  This thought makes me fell a painful cramp in my heart , that forced me to grab my chest with one hand . I felt that I was suffog . I was doing harm to Bke . I hurt Bke , I hurt her ........... From the beginning I artially aware of what I was doing but just ........ I could not stop . This feeling was so liberating .

  I felt that all my anger , all the pain of all these years , all my stress ......... Was going away with every time I inflicted pain on Bke. I felt this irresistible urge to squeeze Bke's skinighter . Desire tle her just a sed longer . Even when most of the anger subsided . Even when I was rational enough not to kill her . I couldn't stop myself from pying with her life longer.

  I wanted her to feel, at least for a moment longer, part of what I have felt for most of my life. My fear, my insecurity, the feeling of beirayed, my iruggle not to hurt the person I care about !!!!! At that moment , I was just p everything out of myself . All those things I couldn't express .

  My feelings for her ...... My a her and her decision . My a my stupidity . My a my submission to her will. My a the fact that like a dog , I do everything she tells me to do. My a the fact that even without her order I risk everything , I sacrifice myself for her sake . A feeling something for her .......... Anger for trapping myself in feelings for her . Angry at myself for falling in love in her . My fear of my illness ......... Fear of ........ death .

  Everything that happeoday , everything that has happened over the past years has exhausted even me . Mentally and physically , I no longer have the strength to go on . A year ago I was ready to die . Bke betrayed me . Bke my sense of existence , spurned me , hated me . Now she has told me she loves me ........ She said this despite the fact that I almost killed her . She said it despite the fact that I am dying .

  The weight of the realization of what I had done and what I had almost doo Bke , hit me hard enough that my knees almost buckled under me . I khat what was happening to me now was a emotion in my body . Unfortunately as much as I wao pare it with something , I 't reize this .

  I just , felt angry at myself for what I had doo Bke , I felt as if I wao turn back time so that it did not happen . I felt disgusted with myself . It was a strange feeling , which squeezing my heart it took away my strength and breath . I felt plicated , I felt bad about what happened .

  Oher hand, I also felt happiness . Happihat Bke would finally be with me . I was so happy that I didn't even care about the tragedies that always haunt my life , after someoells me they love me . Unfortuhe burning pain on my thigh , hip and the side of my lower abdomen agairoyed what was supposed to be happiness for me . I was dying ........ And because of this pain I know that it will only get worse . For now , this is the level of pain I will be able to tolerate . However , it only get worse .

  Whispers : " Isn't it funny ? ...... the words " I love you " were only said after your diagnosis . Isn't it tragic . The first time abandoned arayed , the sed time agairayed and abandoned , the third time you are sick with a deadly disease . Really ...... every time someoells you they love you , it ends badly for you ."

  Says the whisper in my head . As always I ot be left alone in peace , there must always be a whisper in my head . I am already used to it so as long as they are not loud and disruptive I let them do what they want ...... As long as I am in trol , I distinguish them from reality . I let them flow , I just don't let them tell me what to do .

  Today I let myself be led by my anger , it has happeo me several times before , but only today things have gone so far that I have lost partial trol over what I do . I am dangerous , I know that . If it wasn't for my partial trol and my on sense , which deep inside me was trying to help me trol myself , I would have killed Bke . Now this ot happen , after all Bke is mine , now she is mine and I must cherish her as mine . My woman .

  Unfortunately , signifitly the words of this whisper did not allow me to simply ig . Repeating these words in my head , it seemed to me that the whisper behind them was gaining in volume .

  Whispers : " The white wolf , the beast , a monster , a huntress of hunters , a White Fang enforcer ....... tired after just one fight with a feeople . It is ridiculous but uandable . I uand the weakness of your body . A year in fi has weakened you to a mere shell of your former self . Not eveioning this disease , which is slowly killing you . How long has it been in you ? For how long has it been killing you ? Perhaps the main reason why Adam caught you was not your damaged ribs and arm at all , but the disease in your body . "

  Says a whisper , which has already turned into a full voice . A voice that sounds just like me , and which did not hide its amusement at the state of my body . I khat this teasing and mog was meant to draw a rea out of me . The way this voiented and maniputed my mind was already familiar to me . However, I was already sick listening to it .

  The voi my head : " Unfortunately , I ot uend the reason for the weakness of your will . You are a beast , You should end her . However just a few sweet words and a simple " I love you " , made everything we went through bees irrelevant . Just like that , we fet the whole situation with the betrayal , we fet that Bke poisoned us a us up to the enemy when we were at our weakest ......... You really became a puss .... "

  Before the voiishes mog me , I break out of my position with my fist aimed at the mirror in front of me . As it turns out, I still had some strength ihe strength I was going to use to silehat annoying voice. I didn't know if it would work , however, it was worth it to see if my method would work. Without thinking about the sequences , I hit the mirror .

  But due to weakness and ck of enough aura to protect my skin , I injured my fist . Fist , which was only able to cause cracks on the mirror . Feeling and seeing fresh blood running down the mirror , I now looked at the refle . In the mirror I saw refles of myself and the state I was in . A state which made me momentarily fet about the voi my head .

  ' Is this what Bke saw ? ...... Animal '

  That was my only thought looking at my dirty , battered and bloody face . With my torn and dirty clothes , I no longer looked like a civilized faunus . I looked like an animal that had just run out of the wilderness . This sight , was at the same time so familiar and sn to me that it disgusted me . Making eye tact with my own refle . I felt shortness of breath .

  Feeling weak , I rested my , aimed at the mirror , bloody hand on the wall o the mirror . L my gaze to catch my breath , I again looked at the white por of sink . My own dition made me felt dirty . Wanting to wash quickly , I turhe water iap . However , instead of the water I expected , I felt the familiar stench of blood .

  Looking at my hands , which should be washed by water , I saw a , only scarlet , fresh and warm blood flowing out of the tap , directly onto my hands . Shocked , I watched as the fresh blood flow down towards my wrists , which were suddenly caught by a pair of strong , and cold hands .

  These hands were not normal , they looked like they were made of smooth , cracked stone , just like old statues . Due to shock , fatigue and my unpreparedness for this surprise attack , I froze in pce . Fatal mistake that allowed other , statue-like hands to tto my body . Being fully covered with petrified hands I could not move , I could not fight . I could only let the stone hands , forcefully spread my arms to the sides . Through my line of sight , I could only look at the blood-filled sink .

  The hing I felt was a force pulling at my hair . A force that lifted my head so that I could look into a mirror cracked and bloody with my own blood , in which I was no longer alone , I was not even ihroom .

  I was in a huge , trashed room filled with mirrors . Shards of mirrors on the snowy floor , broken and whole mirrors on the walls , and there were even a few shards and mirrors levitating in the air . Mirrors were everywhere and they reflected the view of the entire room for me . Despite the state of the room , it was easy for me to tell that it was in some abandoned vil , which must have been ri its glory days .

  In the refle I could see snowfkes falling through the missing roof . Through the broken windows and holes in the walls, seen in the refles, I could see a forest of ifers stretg outside the room . All this reminded me of the kingdom of Ats . I evehe familiar cold of the snow and wind, which by the way carried the familiar smell of the iferous forest. It was so cold that my breath creat steam . However, it did not moved me, I was born in the cold and lived in it. Such cold would not even make me sick .

  Unfortunately despite knowing that this is all a figment of my twisted mind , I felt strange . Especially sinbsp; I was surrounded on all sides by cracked , stoatues of grimm , humans and faunus of all kinds and ages . The statues were spread everywhere in the room , some of the statues were missing rge pieces of their bodies . A couple of stoatues with still existing hands , stht o me holding me in their cold embrace .

  Fog my eyes on the cracked mirror in front of me , and not on the refle in it . I noticed that it was levitating in front of me . I see small streams of blood flowing in the cracks , which at the very bottom of the mirror , bee small rivulets falling into a bloody puddle created uhe mirror .

  Looking at my refle , I notice how in each fragment separated by cracks my refle is different . My lower half of my fa the left bottment is dirty and my mouth is not smiling , but in the right bottment my lower face is and my mouth shows a wide smile .

  Because of my fist , the pce where my left eye should have been on the refle, is pletely destroyed . The only thihere are many streams of blood flowing through the cracks , which after a longer look , resemble a by a line . But the right upper part of my face was divided into upper and lower halves. The line of interse runs perfectly horizontally through my right eye . The lower half of the right side is , and the upper half is dirty and injured .

  ??? : " HaHaHAhAhaHAHA .........HaHaHAhAhaHAHA HaHaH......AhAhaHAHAha "

  Just when I thought I would remain here in silence . Sudden hysterical ughter spread throughout the room . Looking at the lht part of the refle , I saw the refle of my mouth , which a moment ago was smiling , now moved making it clear to me who was ughing .