“AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH—HAAAH! HAAAH! HAAAHH!”

  The wind smacked me as I plunged from the sky like a pigeon forgetting it's wings work like pigeon.wing.function.exe wouldn't work. Then somewhere in the freefall, a fricking bird smacked me in the face. Nice. Thanks for the extra humiliation, mother nature.

  Adrenaline? Maxed out and probably exceeded the limit. Dignity? Shattered. Not even an atom of it is spared.

  I waved around like a drunken ragdoll, spinning wildly while trying to figure out what, exactly, I was supposed to do during a fall from the sky when I just gone through the door.

  At least the view is amazing as hell. Ocean-side kingdom which I probably need to go there, swirling misty mountains, oversized birds fpping around like they owned the skies. Picture-perfect RPG world. Ten out of ten. Would admire again.

  If I wasn’t seconds away from the word D-E-A-T-H.

  “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!”

  I braced for impact.

  BOOM.

  Face-first into the grass. Yamcha death pose nding.

  I'm still alive...?

  “Ghhhhhh—my back... My backkkk...!”

  And yes, I’m only twenty, and my spine officially retired. Welp, off to the retirement home then.

  Welcome to Day One.

  I id there in a daze, kissed by dirt and humiliated by gravity, surrounded by tall, dark trees that looked like they spawned straight out of a cursed forest dungeon. Oversized mushrooms and uhh something rustled in the bushes.

  Nope. Not today, death. Nuh uh. Not this time.

  I got up, stumbled into the woods, and immediately pulled out my most sacred relic. Probably better than any other powers.

  “How to Not Die Like a Fool: With Commentary Edition”

  [1st Death]: Jumped naked into a volcano.“...Was that supposed to be symbolic? Or did he think that was a hot spring?”

  [2nd Death]: Leaped off a cliff to test fall damage.“We’re not coding a game, stop that.”

  Yeah, yeah—I know how it sounds. Those were tests, okay?! SCIENCE. If my world was a game, then dying is the first thing I'll test.

  [12th Death]: Wandered around aimlessly and got gored by a wild animal.“Nature says: Don't make eye contact. Even just 0.000001 seconds of eye contact. The boar took that personally. At least try running next time.”

  ...Uncalled for man. That one still hurts. Mentally and physically. I can still feel it to this day and my chest aches just from thinking it. Even after like god knows how many days has passed since that happened.

  Anyway, I wasn’t about to let Death #100 happen today. Or at least, not in any days cuz' you know the reason right? No more aimless wandering. I needed shelter, ASAP.

  That’s when I found an old, abandoned shack hidden among the trees.

  HOL' UP. Something's off about this shack... Looks normal. Too normal. In fact I'll I flip open the book.

  [44th Death]: Trusted a “nice guy” and entered his home.“Humans really are too trusting sometimes. He offered soup. Then offered an axe. Into your back. Stranger danger rule mortal.”

  “NOPE!”

  I quickly turned my body 180° and bolted with no hesitation in the opposite direction. Hopefully no one in that house saw me running away or I'll be soup again.

  Eventually, I stumbled across a moss-covered cave. Spiders? Sure. Darkness? Yep. Insects? Definitely. But no creepy “nice guy” with murder soup. I decred it: My Spawn Point. Just don't go whatever is beyond there.

  With base camp decred, next up: food. Without recreating Death #16.

  [16th Death]: Ate suspicious food.“Why would you eat something that smelled like regret? Not all shiny things are food.”

  I spotted some pink berries nearby—juicy, looks "normal", but too good to be true and gives me the feeling of insta-killing you. Now, I'm not THAT dumb and I know if animals ate this fruit, which means it's safe. Probably yes or not cuz some animals are immune to effects but humans aren't.

  I scoured to find any animals that I can test on.

  Then I see a boar... Hell no. HELL NAH.

  Alrighty time to turn 180° and skedaddle.

  Then I found some birds! Finally. I threw some and hopefully it doesn't scare them off.

  It didn't luckily.

  The birds pecked. Fpped. Lived. And more birds came by. I guess it's safe.

  “Good enough for me.”

  I licked one. Instantly regretted it.

  “GEEZ! Ghh—sour! AHH!”

  My face contorted into an unholy origami fold. Still popped it into my mouth anyway. Hunger’s a powerful motivator. At least the sour will keep me up and more aware.

  Wasn’t dead. No foaming or me sleeping? Success.

  After chomping through about twenty of those eye-squinting fvor bombs, I crafted the world’s worst spear—just a stick I scraped against a rock for at least an hour to make it good.

  I also managed a campfire after roughly eighty-nine failed attempts and a lot of screaming at logs. Thank god I actually listened to survival studies during camping trips at school.

  “Hey ma! Look at me! I ain't too stupid that's always inside the house aren't I?”

  I would've been nice if my parents were here to see... I wonder what's the news when I dropped dead in reality...

  Heh, not the time to mention that. It's time for survival.

  As night fell, my paranoia rises.

  I huddled close to the fire, clutching my spear like some prehistoric monkey. Every snap of a twig triggered my inner trauma from...

  [38th Death]: Ambushed in the dark by a rabbit.“To be fair, that was no ordinary rabbit. Still. You got wrecked.”

  Snap!

  My body tensed. My heart felt like it was about to jump out any time.

  I inched deeper into the cave, used my jacket as a bnket, and put some berries a bit front of the cave so no one disturbs me, eventually passed out cold on the dirt floor. Hopefully my nose or ears wouldn't get invaded by spiders or insects. Or worse, mauled by a boar or some eldritch horror creature in this forest.

  Day Two and I'm still ALIVE!

  Shockingly, I woke up. Insect bite marks, ehh common. But luckily, no insects inside me, neither monster drool on my face or marks. Just dirt, bugs, and the growing stench of my unwashed body.

  I walked to a nearby river which I luckily saw and stared into the water.

  My reflection looked like a total dump. Messy hair, lifeless eyes, baggy eyes, a face that screamed “rejected NPC.”

  “What am I even doing with my life...?”

  I spshed cold water on my face, half-hoping I’d wake up in my old bed and find this was all a bizarre cheese-induced dream and I was just in a coma the entire time.

  Nope. Still in Fantasy Hell.

  Y'know... Something tells me I made a wrong decision or I could've just asked to be reincarnated back as a baby to a world that is simir to mine.

  Alright. Let's stop crying on how am I going to survive in a pce without anything and with everything and find that kingdom I saw while falling from the sky.

  I picked up my spear, grabbed some berries that was right around the corner, drink more from the river, and set off to the wild!

  God knows how many hours ter of walking...

  ...

  ...

  ...

  ...

  ...

  I’ll be real with you guys. My ADHD-riddled brain is NOT built for this.

  Exploring a new world? Sounded amazing in theory. I imagined cool quests, hidden dungeons, maybe even a sassy elf sidekick by now or a princess.

  Now it's just...Just trees.And more trees.Oh, look—another tree.YO! IT'S ANOTHER TREE!OH LOOK DEATH IS STARING AT ME NOW! HA!

  Adventure's kinda mid. Slow. If this were a video game, I’d have recruited my first party member yesterday. No. Screw that. I would've been in the kingdom AND in an adventurer's guild (If it exists here) . Instead, I’m living like some prehistoric monkey. Stone tools. No digital map of the world. Zero inventory space. No fast travel. Nada. Nothin'

  And sure, it’s probably more realistic, but let me tell you something: realism sucks when you’re hungry, cold, and sleeping in a middle of nowhere.

  Right now, my inventory is just:-One janky-ass cheap wooden spear.-Pocket full of sour hell berries.-Dirty clothes and everything.-A dream.

  Grrrrrrrrowl.

  No, no. That ain't a monster. Just my stomach roaring like Godzil.

  I haven’t had meat in... I forgot. Time no longer exists when you constantly die and revive. All I know is that if I don’t get some protein soon, I’m going to start hallucinating and eat my own spear.

  So, new pn:

  QUEST UNLOCK: Fresh Meat: Find Meat and Eat.

  Birds, rabbits, fish, or literally anything that won’t gore me to death.

  I crept through the dangerous forest, gripping on my cheap made spear, when I heard rustling.

  Perfect. Could be a rabbit. Or another edible beast. As long as it doesn't fight back. Feast is just around the bush.

  I slowly tip-toed forward, raised my spear, and stabbed down with the determination of a starved hunter.

  STAB!

  ...And missed. By a literal inch.

  The rabbit bolted.

  “Dang it…”

  Skill issue not gonna lie. My aim is like a stormtrooper.

  I turned to look for another target—

  “Oof!”

  And tripped.

  Into a boar.

  A freaking boar. Again. A big bck boar. Red eyes and tusks.

  Why is it always boars?!

  “Uh—H-hey there, nice piggy… you look… calm today?”

  The boar’s eyes locked onto mine. Blood-red. Unforgiving. The kind of stare that said: You ate my mom.

  “...Okay! Cool! Guess we’re doing this again!”

  “LEAVE ME ALONE, YOU TUSKED DEMON”

  I bolted.

  Through bushes. Around trees. Over logs. Over rocks. Kept tripping over every nature cursed objects as possible. That thing chased me like it was personally offended by my existence. I SWEAR THIS BOAR RECOGNIZED ME FROM DEATH #12. AMI IN THE SAME WORLD OR SOMETHING?! OR THIS THING EVOLVED FOR SOME REASON?!

  I scrambled up a tree just in time. Luckily it's a tall one.

  And yes I know how to climb one because of... Past life experiences.

  I looked down at the angry beast circling below.

  “HAH! Can’t reach me now, bacon breath!”

  And then—it started ramming the tree.

  Again. And again.

  The whole tree didn't make sound for a few hits. Then after like three or four hits it shuddered with every impact. I clung to the tree tightly that my wrists are bloody from all the injuries and the sharp wood tree.

  If this kept up, I’d be dead. Forever.

  Now, I'm gonna do something that could risk death. But life's is all about risk, even though I risked too much or purposely went in with a hundred percent guarantied death risk. Jump off the tree and hopefully piece the head.

  “That’s it, you sentient ham hock. Piece of bck burnt bacon. COME HERE!”

  Deep breathes, tightened my grip on the spear, and leapt from the tree like a madman. I aimed the weapon downward and prayed to every god in the fantasy pantheon.

  THUNK.

  My ankles are dead. I nded by FOOT! AHH!

  BUT, Direct hit! Onto the head and pierced through the bottom.

  Victory, right?

  Right?!

  WRONG.

  The boar screeched, shook violently, and charged drunk at me again... WITH THE SPEAR STILL STICKING ONTO THE SKULL!

  “WHY ARE YOU NOT DEAD YET?! THIS ISN'T HOW LIFE WORK!”

  I kept running in circles then ended up getting grazed on the arm by the spear thorns and nearly got skewered from the tusks. It wasn’t until I ran a bit far to lose it's sight, grabbed a heavy stone then throw it to the head and finally the beast finally colpsed.

  “YES! FINALLY! STAY DOWN, AND ALWAYS STAY DOWN!”

  I kicked the corpse for good measure.

  Blood spttered. Yeah, it felt a little cruel, but also? Felt good after it skewered me at Death #12.

  I checked my wounds. Some scratches. Very injured leg. Definitely sore from the tree jump.

  But I won.

  First real kill in the world

  Time to eat like it’s the Stone Age.

  I butchered the boar and it smelled like roadkill and wet socks, but I didn’t care. I carved out the decent parts with a rock shard and spear. Took some time because I was disgusted as hell. And bolted far, far away from my cave. Not risking attracting wolves, bears, or whatever eldritch forest horror lived out here. Worse, it could smell blood traces, so I might need a good clean up.

  I flipped open my Death Log, just to be safe.

  [Death #29]: Under-cooked meat. Food poisoning. Horrific diarrhea.“Fire exists for a reason, monkey.”

  Copy that Mr. Author.

  I washed the meat in the river and dunked myself too, washed off blood and existential dread. Jacket still smelled like doom, though. And the blood marks wouldn't disappear.

  Near the river, I tried to light up a campfire which took another hundred tries to light up. I grilled the meat using my spear like roasting marshmallows until it was borderline charcoal.

  Safe? Hopefully. I know burnt food can cause cancer or something like it.

  Fvor? Doesn’t matter when your desperate and hunger is your chef shouting at you.

  Took a bite when the color looks right.

  Burnt. Hard. Slightly bitter. But damn, good meat. Peak fine dining.

  After the berry diet in this forest, and endless dying without good food, this was my 5-star meal.

  Still, something felt missing. I grabbed the berries from my jacket pocket, crushed a few between my fingers, and let the juice drizzle over the meat like some wild sauce.

  Surprisingly a tangy, still sour but lesser and surprisingly... Decent.

  Maybe I’m a culinary genius and should've join culinary arts back at home. Or maybe desperation makes everything taste like five stars.

  With my belly finally filled with some meat, I packed my things again. Grabbed my spear, pocketed a few rocks for emergency ranged combat, and set out once more. More energy than ever.

  This is going to be my brutally honest opinion.

  This world sucks