“Oh.” Is all Creamy says, is all anyone says. Please say something.

  “So like,” Volf begins. “I should start using he and him for you?”

  At this, I cannot help but let out a bright and bubbly giggle. “No, silly. I’m a trans girl!”

  “Wait, wait, wait.” Haley says quickly. “You mean you’ve been lying to us this whole time?!”

  “Haley!” Creamy shouts.

  “I mean, yes but actually no?” I say, not sure of my own response. “Yes, in the way that I didn’t realize I might be trans until literally a few minutes ago, but no in the way of, if I’m actually a trans girl, then I’ve been a girl this whole time.”

  “Expin.” Nova says, sharply, but not coldly.

  “Well…” I say, trying to figure out how to word this. “Okay so…” I sigh, and finally manage to form concepts of a pn for how to expin this. “Holly is a lesbian.”

  “Okay…?” Creamy says. “I don’t get it.”

  “Let me finish.” I respond. “Holly is a lesbian, and I was a cis guy up until five minutes ago.” Volf starts to speak but I cut him off. “When Holly first told me she had feelings for me, she told me that she liked me, but wasn’t sure about her attraction to me. She said she was only attracted to the feminine parts of me, and not the masculine.”

  “Okay…” Nova says, parroting Creamy.

  “She asked if she could put me in makeup, and I let her. Then I let her put me in girl’s clothes, and from there we started dating. Every day that I’ve gone to see her since then, I’ve put on girl’s clothes, and done my makeup, the moment I arrived.”

  “That sounds extremely unhealthy.” Creamy says quickly.

  “It probably would have been,” I say. “Had I actually been a cis guy.”

  “No.” Creamy responds. “She didn’t know that at the time. To her, she was making a cis guy dress like a girl just so she could feel better about dating him.”

  “Fair,” I admit. “But that’s besides the point.”

  “Sorry, continue.” She says.

  “So, she put me in girl’s clothes and makeup.” I repeat. “Then, ter on, I took the name Emmy. Her idea by the way, complete coincidence that that’s also the name of my main.”

  “Mhmm.” Nova says.

  “Sorry, tangent.” I apologize. “Anyway, so for the past few weeks, every time I’m with her, I’ve been her girlfriend, Emmy.” I expin. “And today her friend asked me, ‘If you could go back to being a guy, and knew she would still be with you, would you?’ and I didn’t have an answer for that.”

  “I see.” Creamy says thoughtfully.

  “So it got me thinking.” I say. “Most cis guys would have said yes to that immediately.”

  “I’m pretty sure most cis guys would never have gotten to that point to begin with.” Volf jokes.

  “Fair.” I say with a chuckle. “Anyway, so I started thinking more about it. I went on some trans threads and read other peoples experiences, I thought about this tarot reading she did for me when we first hung out, and everything seems to be pointing to me being a trans girl.”

  “Makes sense.” Nova says. “What do you think about it though?”

  “I think I am a trans girl.” I say honestly.

  “Wait, wait, wait.” Creamy says urgently. “You only started dating her a few weeks ago. We’ve known you for months!”

  “Right…” I say slowly. “So… that’s the thing… I got really into this video series a while ago about a guy trolling in video games as a girl. I thought it was so cool and fun. So I learned a girl's voice too, and started trolling on my own.”

  “Oh, hon…” Creamy says softly.

  “When I met you all,” I expin. “I wasn’t pnning on being friends, and once I was here, I was worried that if I dropped the charade, you wouldn’t want to be friends with me. So I kept it up.”

  “So let me get this straight.” Nova says with a chuckle. “You learned a cis passing girl’s voice because you saw it in a video. Then you made friends with people who thought you were a girl at the time, and never corrected them. Then you started going out with a lesbian, dressing in girls clothes and makeup without feeling weird about it. Then you started using feminine pronouns, and a girl’s name. And it is only just now that you are realizing you’re trans?”

  “That’s the gist of it, yeah.” I respond.

  “You realize you’re an idiot, right?”

  A loud, bright, full bodied ugh escapes my lips. “Yeah, I guess I am…”

  “Seriously.” Nova says. “You are literally the densest fucking egg, that I have ever had the pleasure of meeting.”

  “Wait, egg… “

  I open up my DM with Nova, and send her a quick message.

  ‘LunarEcho: Nova, are you trans too?’

  “Emmy,” She says nonchantly. “Yes, I’m a trans girl! Everyone’s known for a long time. I’ve never tried to hide it.”

  “I didn’t know!” I shout back happily.

  “Neither did I…” Haley says softly, speaking her first words in a long time. “I… You’re…”

  “You okay, Haley?” I ask, worried.

  “You’re telling me, that the two girls I have had crushes on, for the longest time, are actually guys?!”

  “That’s it, nope!” Creamy shouts into her mic. “I’m done with this. Begone bigot!”

  ‘HaleyFYS has been removed from the chat.’

  “What did you just do?” I ask.

  “I banned her from the server.” Creamy states. “I’m not having any of that transphobic nonsense. She can go fuck herself.”

  “I…” I say as tears start to well up in my eyes. “I love you. All of you. You’re my best friends in the world.”

  “We’ll always be here for you.” Volf says. “Now, shocking revetions aside, will you come carry us? We’ve been on a serious losing streak.”

  I giggle at what is most certainly, the most ‘Volf’ thing he has ever said. “Yeah. Absolutely.”

  ?????????????

  I take a breath as I round the corner, my weapon steady at my shoulder. Three more, and the bomb is going to go off… I can’t let that happen. I hear footsteps in front of me, and toss a fshbang into the room before diving in after it.

  It explodes just before I enter, filling the room with noise and a blinding light. I aim down my sights and spray at the right corner. One down, two to go. I continue to push through the building. Everyone else is dead. It’s just me.

  Bullets spray through the door, and I press myself against the wall. Think, think! This can’t end here. I pull out a frag grenade and pull the pin before dropping the spoon. Five… Four… I throw the grenade through the door, and hear it bounce off the wall before exploding. One left.

  “Seventeen seconds before detonation.” The voice sounds in my ear, and I push forwards.

  It’ll take me six seconds to defuse it. I need to move. I dash from cover to cover, listening intently for any hint of the enemy's presence. Silent. The bomb is in view, and I leap onto it. The buttons beep as I input the code to deactivate it.

  Something in the back of my mind tells me to move. I stand and let out a spray of bullets in front of me, and watch as the returning hail misses me by inches. Six seconds. I line the dot of my optic on the frame of the doorway, and watch as the enemy steps into it.

  I squeeze my finger, and send a spattering of bullets down range. The enemy falls before he can take another shot. Now for the bomb. I pick it up and finish inputting the st few digits of the code. Just as the timer is about to hit zero, the bomb beeps and the light turns green.

  “Holy shit, dude!” Caleb yells in my ear as I set down the controller. “Nice clutch!”

  “Thanks.” I ugh, as a victory message appears on screen. “I thought we were gonna lose for sure.”

  “Well we didn’t,” He says with a grin. “And you topped the scoreboard, again.”

  I ugh. “Yeah… that was a good game.”

  “Think we have time for another before your dad picks you up?”

  I check the time, and shake my head. “No, sorry.”

  “That’s okay.” He says. “What do you want to do while we wait?”

  I take in a breath, looking over at him. “There’s um… There’s something I want to talk about.”

  “Shoot.” He says, turning to face me. “I’m all ears.”

  I sigh, unsure how he’s going to take this. “Okay, to start, do you know Aiden?”

  “Yeah," Caleb says with a tilt of his head. "That one gay guy who is way too in our faces about it, right?”

  Well crap. This is already not going well. “How much do you know about him?”

  “Not much besides that.” He says, and then his eyes narrow. “Wait, don’t tell me. You’re not actually dating Holly, are you. You’re dating Aiden.”

  “What?” I ask, ughing in confusion. “No!”

  “It’s fine if you’re gay dude.” He says, grabbing my shoulder. “I don’t care. I’d be a hypocrite if I did, considering I’m bi.”

  Uh… Say what now? “You’re bi?!”

  “Yeah.” He says nonchantly. “Never really cared about it to be honest.”

  “Wait so,” I say, pausing as I think about it. “How do you know?”

  “I’ve dated a few guys before.” He says as if that isn’t a major thing.

  “Like who?!” I ask.

  “You remember Marcus?”

  I think back to the tall nky asian kid who always hung around Caleb during the first few months of st year. “You two?!”

  “Yeah.” He says easily. “Ended up dumping him though. He was kinda weird about the whole thing. Kept trying to get me to go to pride with him and stuff. Interact with his community more.”

  “His community?” I ask. “Don’t you mean ‘our community’? Since it’s yours too.”

  “Nah.” He replies. “I don’t really buy into all that. My life is my life. That’s nobody else's business.”

  “Oh…” I say softly. “Makes sense.”

  “So if you’re not dating Aiden, then what's up?” Caleb asks, worry on his face. “Did he do something?”

  “No, no.” I say quickly. “Forget I brought him up.”

  “Done.” He says with a smile. “Now what?”

  I let out another sigh. “How do you feel about trans people?”

  “I like not to think about them.” He says. “I’m sure some are fine, but most are just doing it for attention or just to be a part of the fad.”

  “Oh…” Is all I can say.

  “Why do you ask?” He says, and squeezes my shoulder.

  I look down, not able to meet his eyes. “Caleb… I’m a trans girl.”

  He doesn’t say anything for a really long time. We sit there, being so silent that I can hear the gravel crunch as my dad pulls into the driveway. My phone rings, and I put it to my ear.

  “Hey, Dad.”

  “Hey, Danny.” He says, and I flinch slightly at the use of my old name. “I’m here.”

  “Be right out.” I say, and then hang up the phone.

  I stand up and collect my stuff. Caleb is still sitting there, clearly deep in thought. He grabs me as I start to walk for the door. “Look, brother…” He stops himself, and sighs deeply. “Sister, sorry…” I nod and he continues. “I need time to think about this. Let me process it overnight, and I’ll get back to you soon, okay?”

  “Okay.” I say, nodding glumly.

  “Have a goodnight, Valera.” He says, and then pauses, looking at me. “Have you already chosen a new name?”

  “Emmy.” I say, smiling gently as the word rolls off my tongue.

  “Emmy.” He repeats, and then smiles. “It suits you. Much better than Daniel ever did.”

  “Thanks, Caleb.” I say, and open the door.

  “Have a goodnight, Emmy.” He says, as he closes it behind me.

  I try and fail to stop the tears as they roll down my cheeks. I sit in the car, and stay turned away from my father, not wanting him to worry. He doesn’t ask what’s wrong, but just grabs my shoulder and gives it a squeeze.

  “I’m here if you need to talk.”

  “Thanks, Dad.” I manage to get out.

  I spend the rest of the drive crying quietly, and just sit there as we reach the driveway. My dad exits the car, and gives me a look, so I follow him. My body is numb as I walk into the house.

  “Hey, sweetie!” My mom shouts as I walk inside. “You okay?”

  Her cheery demeanor, and loving smile, immediately pushes the darkness back into the corners of my mind. “No.” I respond with a smile. “Can we talk? I need to talk to both of you, actually.”

  “Sure, sweetie.” She says and then gestures to my father. “Come sit, Gerald.”

  My dad sits beside her, and they both look at me expectantly. I stand there awkwardly for a moment, before realising that I’m a bit too far from them, a bit too center of attention. I sigh, and take a seat on the edge of the couch, looking at them.

  This too, isn’t right, as I can really only see my mom, so I stand up and walk back to the center of the room. Both my parents are staring at me, clearly waiting for whatever it is I’m going to tell them.

  “Look, son,” My dad says. “You don’t have to do whatever this is right now if you don’t want to.”

  I sigh, and shake my head. “No. I do need to do this now. I want to do this now.”

  He nods, and I continue to think. What is the best way to do this? The moment the thought enters my brain, I already know how I want to do this. I move the muscles in my throat, raise my trachea, and smile at them.

  “Mom, Dad,” I say, my voice coming out light and melodic. My dad looks at me stunned as I push forward with my sentence. “I am a girl.”