Bke pov

  Asking this question, I look at my mum face from which it is hard to read anything. However, looking at her eyes and the way her lips kle I know she is angry , very angry . She clearly doesn't want to tell me what she thinks and I holy don't know if that's good or bad . I myself am not sure what I would like to hear from her . However, I know full well that there is no longer room for what I like .

  Kali : "About your retionship with Lappnd yes , I knew . But this whole situation .... no . I just didn't think it would be that bad. I didn't know it would go this far ....... Aqua was right I should have stepped in a long time ago but I .... I'm sorry I let you down Balke , I also let Lappnd down . As a mother I have failed . I failed to protect you"

  Says mum with tears in her eyes and with a clear pain in her voice that squeezes my heart even more after all it was me who hurt not only Lappnd but mum too. Now it seems that she bmes herself instead of me . Without even paying attention to the fact that my aunt also knows what has been going on I look at the scroll s straight at mum , being on the verge of another burst myself .

  Bke : " Mum it's not your fault , it's me . You were always right about Adam. He has ged . You were also pletely right about the white fang , it was me just not listening to you . Even when you locked me out on home , I ran away to do the same . I dragged Lappy into it . You did everything in your power to help me , it was me who just ig ."

  Saying this I have to take a breath but seeing that mum is about to say something I interject .

  Bke : " You didn't fail Lappher . When I was doing the stupid things hurting others in the process you were with Lappe the difficulties . If it wasn't for you Lappdumb..... wouldn't have looked after herself , you cooked for her , ed her house , helped with her wounds . I even criticised you for that . I did it even when you , Dad , Sienna , aunt Aqua , Hazel and others were looking for Lappnd all over remnant . Evehers refused to help , you guys were looking for Lappnd all the time ."

  Bke : " And I knew or rather thought I knew where she was ..... But still I preferred to watch you cry . I watched Dad pull his hair out turning everything upside down to find her . I watched Sienna lose all the colour from her face after receiving the first rumours of Lappnd's death ...... I saw your rea to this rumour . Mum you are the best .The only mistake was always ..... me ."

  I say trying to smile but the warm tears streaming down my face probably don't help at all . Without looking at the scroll I bend my head down to wipe the tears collected in the ers of my eyes .

  Kali : " Bke .... You are hurting me . Do you realise how much your father and I love you . Do you know how much Lappnd and you mean to us . You are my daughter as well as Lappnd even if she did not e out of my womb . "

  Hearing my mother's words I lift my head to look at the s again . It makes me see the tears flowing from her eyes . This sight , is like a thorn in my heart .

  Kali : " Don't ever tell me you are a mistake again . I'm the one who made the mistakes Bke . What happened , from the beginning was my fault . My ht caused Lappnd's obsession with you . Instead to make Lappionally indepe , I based her on you . I believed that perhaps she needed a pilr like you . "

  Kali : " I reaffirmed this belief when Lappnd began to make many friends for herself and you . In the end for me she just have strong " i " in you . You also wao be her close friend and sister so there is no problem , as even without you she was able to find someoo py with . "

  Cali : " At that time it was you I was worried about because you were glued to Lappnd all the time . You couldn't even talk to other children without mentioning things they didn't uand . Herein lies my biggest mistake . I was young and believed in white fang so much that I let it affect you , my child . Instead of fog oag you from these issues I involved you even more ."

  Mum says through tears looking at me .

  Kali : " However, I was so proud . My little girl was so brave and responsible. You and Lappy were inseparable , two sisters pying together despite your differences . Thanks to Lappnd my worries about your childhood have disappeared a little . However, that doesn't ge anything at all , I never should have stirred you into a white fang at such a young age . "

  Kali : " Unfortunately I only uood this when I almost lost you and Lappnd....... Bke it was because of my ht that Lappnd had to kill ...... and you had to watch it . However, this has taught me nothing . "

  Says the heartbroken mum c her face with her hand . I, meanwhile, looked at her , not knowing what to say . Running her hand through her fringes, Mum looked at me with a weak smile .

  Kali : " Despite everything that happened life went on . You grew up in the blink of an eye . Lappy started training just like you , only unlike you , her dream was not to join the white fang but to help make your dream e true . When Sienna took over the anisation I should have kept you out of it . Never in my life should I have tio let you get involved . I knew very well the real fight had started but at that time I made further mistakes such as weaving the white fang issue into our private lives . "

  Kali : " If I hadn't dohat you wouldn't have met Adam , I never had a problem with that boy I was grateful to him for resg your father . I never sidered what effect he might have had on you , what effect everyone in white fang might have had on you . However, it was too te the white fang had ged and instead of protesting you and Lappnd started sneaking off on a mission with Adam . "

  Says mum , with bitterness in her sad voice . I instead silently swallowed my saliva . After all, what was I supposed to say?

  Bke : " I will never be angry with you for that . You introduced me to your and my father's wonderful dream , the dream of freedom and equality , there is nothing wrong with that . As for friends , I was just closed in on myself . Since I could read I thought books were more iing than talking to other children . The reason I was lonely was not because I was ied in white fang, but because I was just different from other children."

  Bke : "As for what happehat day , Lappnd and I walked away from the rest of the crowd to the bathroom by ourselves despite you telli to walk away from the rest of the group of protesters. You and father at the time were giving a speech you had no way of knowing what was happening . As a smart child I was simply disobedient , I could have waited that moment until you were finished and told you . Instead, I left on my own. It was because of me that Lappnd killed those SDC people, almost losing her life in the process. "

  Bke : " And when I was older you tried to stop me more than once , I was the one running away from home . You have also warned me many times ."

  I'm seys trying to fix my mum's mood . However, this did not work. Looking at me , mom only smiled in helplessness and shook her head .

  Kali : " Bke I am your mother , the moment you were born my views on the world and my dreams I should keep to myself a you choose for yourself . As for your sed point it just shows that I am right . What normal mother leaves her child in the middle of a crowd ..... I should take you with me on stage as I have always done . "

  Kali : " As for my warnings aies for you what good did it do ? Nothing because it was too te . Peaceful protests and self-deferaining turned for you , into attacks on the SDC . I let my 14-year-old daughter get her hands dirty in blood. To make matters worse Lapp into to killing more so you wouldn't have to . At that moment, all I cared about was keeping you safe, I khat the case meant life to you and to Lappnd you were her life . "

  Says mum looking at me with a soft look while sighing . After that, her eyes fade again as that palpable sense of guilt she should never feel appears in them.

  Kali : " I remember that day when you and Lappnd came home together after your fifteenth birthday . I wasn't stupid , your aunt and I knew right away what had happened , you and Lappoo obvious . Lappnd was too gy and you were too fused . And holy I was not angry with you , rather happy because I knew very well that Lappe her problems was the most faithful and g person towards you . "

  Kali : "As a mother to the two of you I was happy because I khat you would not find ater and more trusted . At the end a retionship is not just about physical tact but rather mental e and support . You established both of these things with Lappnd . Therefore despite the fact that your father and I raised you as sisters I am wos not bothered by your retionship with Lappnd . "

  Says mom , with palpable happiness in her voice . Apparently my retionship with Lappnd suits her more than she wants to admit . Which also makes me smile a little .

  Kali : " However, despite everything that happened you chose Adam. Holy, apart from the fact that he was three years older than you, there was nothing in your choice that I could be unhappy about. It was your feeling and I had nht to interfere in it, especially since Adam always seemed to be a nice guy ......... apparently he alyed one. "

  Says mom calm mom when in the middle of talking about Adam I felt shivers down my spine because of mom's tone , which I heard her scratg with her fingernails the wooden table in front of which she apparently sits . Her pupils tracted with rage boiling in mom ready to explode .

  Kali : " You were only fiftee started , you were just kids . But I thought from the beginning that I shouldn't interfere in your love affairs . As much as what happened ier stages was awful I was afraid to go deeper into it . I wao give you the freedom to grow. In the end I could not force you to be with Lappnd all the more so since Lappnd , with obvious emotional pai you do your thing . What I po do from my side is to help Lappnd with a broke. "

  Kali : " Of corse I know that Lappnd with a boyfriend would sooner end in a corpse than a retionship . But fortunately I knew many girls for whom Lappnd was a wet dream . "

  Mum says jokingly, obviously trying to make me feel better. I know very well that Lappnd with her bination of beautifully , menag and crazy appearaough temperament mixed with feminine charm is for every girl which is ready to put up with her temperament and behaviour literally the ideal mate. I know very well that there are people in the world ready to be with people like her, for example Yang who does not mind Lappnd's violent tendencies.

  Kali : " But then I noticed how often you went out together with Lappnd even when you were together with Adam. I wasn't stupid I knew what you were doing ....... I knew something was wrong ....... I knew you slept with Lappnd and dated Adam "

  Mom said making the atmosphere bee gloomy again . Biting my lip I could only look away . How I must have looked in the eyes of my own mother . No matter how I look at it , I cheated on my boyfriend with a girl who was my best friend and whose love for me I used for years only to deny her love to use her like a personal toy . I pletely disregarded the fact that she was mentally ill since childhood, which I knew, but I still rejected her, hurting her deeper, destroying her psyche to the point of total breakdown.

  Kali : " Adam was a role model for you since he saved your father . However he was just an hero , he couldn't repce your love for Lappnd . I saw that you, unaware of this, could not choose . I saw your dynamic ."

  Mom said, emphasizing something I had already guessed. It's true I never loved Adam, it was rather gratitude for saving my father bined with fasation with his past and fighting for a cause I loved so much that gave me this feeling. Unfortunately, I only realized this when my true source of love was broken arayed by me and then disappeared for a whole year.

  Kali : "However, I couldn't help you then because I had to take care of Lappnd. I saw the slow dee of Lappnd and like you I was angry....... On the fact that she gave up , on the fact that she drank more and more , on the fact that she took these substances , on the fact that she didn't take her prescribed medications , on the fact that she gave up her weekly therapies"

  Kali : " And just like you at the moment I heard about what she had done I wao hit her . For the first time in my life I wao hit her .That fire she caused and those other deaths that no one knew about . When this came to light I was disappointed I felt that all my and your father's work was thrown away by her . I felt that this monster deep inside her came out to the open air and showed the world its fangs . However, before I made this mistake I realized that I didn't react as I should have ."

  With every word from my mother in front of me I imagined what she saw . Drunk ed Lappnd trying to start fights with random people or her stant activity in tasks by which she ractically not at home by which she did not show up for appois with her therapist . Not taking her medications or taking them in the wrong doses which caused her addis to return . An overall terrible mental state which left an imprint on her behavior and iions with the world .